Baby, I'm Sorry

I took a minute to think about Logan's offer. Last night was fun and amazing and I'd have to admit that I did feel a connection with him, but this was a guy who had told me that he cheated on me because he lost his feelings for me. To make matters worse, he cheated on me with Haylie. It takes two to tango, but still, it didn't hurt any less. His actions lead me to sleep with Adam, ruining my close friendship with him.

I didn't think that we would have this talk at all. I mean, he told me that he wanted to stay single until college. I thought we were on the same page and we were just having fun, but Logan had to ruin it with a relationship talk. Even if it was in a million years, I couldn't down this road again. I just.. couldn't.

"Last night was amazing," I told him with a smile on my face. I took a deep breath. "You're really sweet, but last night was fun and it was nothing more than that. I want to be single for a little bit, I don't think that I'm ready for another relationship. I don't think I could do down the relationship route with you after everything that's happened."

"I see, I understand," he said, obviously disappointed at the rejection. "Friends?" He held out his hand.

"Friends," I said, shaking his hand. I was really glad that he was taking the rejection well. "I should go home, I didn't exactly tell anyone that I was spending the night somewhere."

"Get dressed and I'll give you a ride home," he said. I could have sworn that I had heard a little sadness in his voice. Logan left the room and I quickly got dressed. I felt bad about my decision because he was being so sweet and to top it all off, it seemed like I'm trying to run away from him. Logan knocked on the door before coming in. "You ready?"

"Yeah, thanks, Logan," I told him, gratefully. When we got to my house, Logan insisted on walking me to the door.

"Well, bye," he said, awkwardly. I grabbed his arm and he turned around.

"I know that no matter which college you go to, you're going to find a girl that's perfect for you," I told him. "I'm really sorry that I can't be that girl for you."

"I'm sorry too," he said. I gave him a peck on the cheek and he left. I went into the house to find my mom and my dad sitting in the living room.

"Where were you, young lady?" my mom demanded. "I was worried sick about you! You didn't answer any of my calls and I called all of your friends and they didn't know where you were! I thought you had been kidnapped, raped, or even murdered! Are you seeing someone? Is it that Taylor?"

I became angry. She had been completely selfish since she separated from Dad, parading around with this guy who's half her age. Only a little over 3 years older than her children! It's as if her 20 years of marriage to Dad didn't mean anything to her. She didn't care about me or Brittany or my dad when she started fooling around with Joe, why start caring about me now?

"It's none of your business where I was," I told her. "You don't see me asking where you're going or who you're with. Not that you'd care what I think in the first place."

"Courtney, don't talk to your mother that way," my dad said, sternly.

"No, Dad, she needs to get over herself," I told him. I turned to my mom. "You need to learn that your decisions don't just affect you, they affect the rest of this family. So far, it doesn't look like you give a damn about me, Brittany, or Dad with the way you're parading around with Joe. Who brings a guy over and sleeps with him with her daughters in the house? Especially with a guy who's half your age? Doesn't it disgust you that he's only 3 years older than me and Brittany? Who does that?" I was almost screaming at my mom. My words were almost incomprehensible because I was sobbing so much. My mom looked completely stunned.

"It doesn't even matter anymore," I told her. "I'm moving in with Dad, end of story. You made your choice and I made mine."

I walked away, leaving my mom with her mouth hanging open in surprise. I thought I heard my mom say my name. I didn't even turn around to look, but I was sure that she had said, "Courtney, I'm sorry."

***** Please vote in the poll if you haven't already. I would really like to get some feedback on the posting schedule. It only takes one click! Please and thank you! -J'et*****

Daddy's Home

My dad got back from his business trip yesterday. But before I get into that topic, I have some really good news! We had found somebody to replace Zoey at Bella (after she had came into the store to give Jasmine her formal resignation and I guess she was required to put in her two weeks, so she is technically. Guess who it is? It's Henry! Henry is going to be working with me at Bella!

Henry had been looking for a job for a while now. So I recommended him to Jasmine. Jasmine said that she trusted my word and took my recommendation. She practically hired him on the spot. I got him to come in that day to fill out all of the paperwork. The only downside of the new hire is that I'm the one that is going to have to do his training and showing him all of the ropes. But I'm still really excited to see a friendly face at work.

So, back to my dad! He got home from China and he took Brittany and I out to dinner. He had brought each of us a gift from China. We ripped into our gift bags like little kids on Christmas morning. We each had gotten a gorgeous silk purse (mine was blue and Brittany's was pink) and matching Jade necklaces.

"Thank you so much, Dad! They're gorgeous!" I gushed.

"Thank you, Daddy!" Brittany said.

I didn't want to beat around the bush. I really loved my dad and I didn't want him to go into a situation without prior knowledge of what's going on. I didn't want to see him hurt because of what my mom is doing with Joe. I didn't want to see him hurt because of my mom.

"Why are you and Mom getting a divorce?" I asked him. Brittany elbowed me in the ribs.

"Court!" Brittany hissed at me.

"No, it's ok, Brittany," my dad said. "Your mom and I have grown apart over the years. We love each other very much, but not romantically anymore."

I could tell that Brittany and I both had the same question floating around in our minds. I wasn't sure if I could really ask my dad the question without crossing any lines. I actually wasn't sure if I wanted to know the answer either. My mind was going back and forth, back and forth. I decided that I didn't want to ask it. But apparently, Brittany and I weren't on the same page.

"Did Mom cheat on you?" Brittany asked. I fought the urge to smack myself on the forehead.

My dad gave her a funny look and shook his head.

"No, never, why?" he asked. Brittany and I looked at each other.

"We, um, have something to tell you, Dad," I told him. "I'm not sure if you know or how you're going to take it, but um, mom has a boyfriend."

"No, a fun buddy," Brittany corrected me.

"Fun buddy," I corrected myself. "I came home early from Spring Break and caught them all over each other-"

"and we walked in on them on Mother's Day," Brittany finished for me. "It's so disgusting! He's half her age-"

"Only 21!" I interjected. "A little over 3 years older than us." Brittany turned to me.

"Isn't that disgusting?" she said to me.

"I know! And she tells us that we shouldn't date older guys!" I exclaimed. "But she can date younger guys?"

"Girls," my dad said, grabbing our attention. We both turned to look at him.

"I'm glad that you both love me so much to tell me what your mother is up to, but I assure you that your mother is did not have an affair," he said. "Whoever she wants to date now is fine by me. We shouldn't mettle in her life or question her choices and actions." I took a deep breath.

"Dad, I want to move in with you," I told him.

"Me too!" Brittany said, quickly.

"You're both old enough to decide who you want to live with, you'll be 18 soon," he said, calmly. "We'll talk to your mom on Monday, but I would love to have you girls come live with me. Now, enough with the serious talk!"

I laughed. We ended up enjoying a very nice family dinner together. We did a toast before we chowed down.

Here's hoping to living with Dad.

There Are No Words

Adam hadn't texted me back. I wasn't going to worry about it. The most important thing was that I reached out and tried to get our friendship back to normal. If he wasn't going to make an effort, that was fine. I had much more important things to do than to stress over whether or not he was going to text me back.

I realized that I've been working too hard lately. It was really difficult to balance school, work, and being in a relationship. Taylor was being really amazing and patient with me, but I'm not sure how long that patience would last. I tried to make it up to him by suggesting that I take Spring Break off from work so we could spend some much needed time together. He jumped at the idea in a heartbeat.

I pulled out a big envelope out of my backpack and stared at it. I pulled out the official-looking paper that told me that I had been accepted to Beachside University. I've been hiding the envelope for a couple of weeks, I haven't told anyone the news yet. I wanted to sort out my mixed feelings before I told anyone. I'm not sure if college is right for me anymore.

Going to school and hearing people talk about which college they got into and where they wanted to go was nerve racking for me. All of the people I've talked to were really excited to leave home, live on-campus, and experience the college life. Every time someone talked about college, I would clam up and slink into the background.

I sighed and hid the envelope once again. It was a good thing because mere seconds later, Brittany barged into my room.

"Hey, sis, Mom and Dad want to have a family meeting," she told me.

"Any idea why?" I asked her. She shook her head no. "How weird, must be important."

We went downstairs and sat down in the living room, waiting for my parents to talk to us. We didn't have to wait too long before my parents walked in, my mom carrying a plate of chocolate chip cookies. I instantly knew that this was going to be bad. She only brought cookies to the family meetings where there was going to be bad news.

I remember when I was five, my mom told me that our goldfish Bubbles died. When I was 12, my mom told me that my parents had decided to go into business and they would have to start spending less time at home. When I was 14, my mom told me that we might be moving to Las Vegas. Thank goodness that never happened. Cookies during a family meeting was a bad thing.

Brittany noticed the cookies also and shot me a look. I shrugged my shoulders and grabbed a cookie. She reluctantly took one also.

"Girls, your dad and I have some news," my mom said, looking at my dad to continue. She looked unsure of whether or not to tell us.

"I'm not sure how to tell you girls this, but your mom and I are separating," he said with an incredible look of sadness on his face.

All That We Needed

It was a beautiful and heartbreaking sight seeing my dad stand next to my uncle's bed. He was silent, but I knew that his presence there was all that mattered. My dad talked about random things to his brother, trying to see if he was responsive. Each and every one of us were so relieved that Uncle Mark woke up. It brought our spirits up a little bit. We were hopeful that everything will be ok.

Uncle Mark laid there staring into space each time we came in. He would look at us with these sad eyes. It broke my heart. I knew that he wanted to talk to us, but he still had a tube in his mouth. He couldn't swallow without the help of the tube. He was getting his nutrients, medication, and water through other tubes.

When the nurse came in to give him his medicine and water, it made me cry. I didn't know how to handle what I was feeling. I felt so sorry for him. He was getting fed through a tube. We knew that it was the only way that he could get his nutrients, but it was extremely difficult for me to watch the nurse administer anything through the tubes.

My dad told me that this was his third stroke. One happened before I was born and another happened when I was fairly little. This one was the worst one out of the three. We were trying to transfer him to a closer hospital. The staff at Stanford Medical was doing their best to transfer him each day, but with each day, there were no open beds for him. We were still trying.

I believed that he was responsive. He had looked into my eyes and squeezed my hand when I was talking to him. It made my day. I knew that soon he'll be able to breathe by himself and talk. Things will get better soon.

"Courtney, there's someone here to see you," my mom said. "Go to the waiting room." I walked into the waiting room and I couldn't believe my eyes. Adam was here. I ran up and hugged him.

"I wanted to see how you were doing," he said.

"I'm ok," I said, smiling. "I'm glad you're here. Did you bring anyone else?"

"No, they were busy," he said. "Haylie made up some lame excuse not to be here today." Adam was the only one who asked where I was. He was the only one who called, worried about me. Logan hasn't talked to me in awhile and I stopped caring.

"Oh, ok," I said. I didn't have time to worry about Haylie or Logan. I had more important things to worry about. "Do you want to go see him?"

"Sure," he said, smiling. "Lead the way."

A Wonderful Christmas Time

It was Christmas morning and we were in the hospital waiting room with my cousin Nina and my Aunt Lany. My dad still hasn't came to visit Uncle Mark. He had a grudge against his brother. Uncle Mark was always down on his luck. He worked at the flea market selling socks for a living. I don't think that my dad ever got over the fact that my uncle could have done so much more with his life.

My uncle divorced Aunt Lany two years ago. All of his children were grown (my cousins Connie, Gary, and Nina) and he never had a really close relationship with any of his kids. He didn't attend Connie's wedding because he didn't like her then-fiance, now ex-husband. He was a good dad, trying to support his family through working, but he just never had that closeness to his children the way they wanted him to be.

Things turned for the worse when he married his late brother's widow so she and her daughter could immigrate here. My Aunt Lydia went through a rough time when her husband passed away from leukemia at the age of 30. My cousin Anne, who is the same age as me, had to experience losing a father at a very young age. I couldn't begin to imagine the pain they both went through.

My Aunt Lydia can be a bitch sometimes. When she came to the hospital last night she made Nina cry. She blamed this whole thing on Nina, saying that she should have went to college straight out of high school and not have waited a year. Needless to say, she's not welcomed to see her husband when Nina's here.

My uncle was still unconscious. We were getting really worried about him. The doctor walked into Uncle Mark's room.

"Merry Christmas," he said, smiling. The smile quickly disappeared as he got down to business. "I wish we had some great news, but we're not sure of anything until he wakes up. We're not sure if he will be responsive if he wakes up. We can't lower his blood pressure too much because he's so used to the high blood pressure that it might cause even more problems if we dramatically lower it. We're doing it progressively. He might not be able to use his legs."

We were all shocked. I couldn't believe that he might not be able to walk. I started to cry for the thousandth time I've been at the hospital. I felt someone wrap their arms around me. I looked up and say my dad.

"It's going to be ok, sweetheart," he told me, kissing my forehead.

"He's waking up!" Brittany exclaimed. We all looked up and saw Uncle Mark slowly waking up.

Our Time Now

I was extremely glad that I had stayed home from school today. I had already avoided going to school yesterday and had opted to just hide out in my room. Logan hasn't sent me another text or stopped by or called me. I think he is avoiding me because of the rumors. He should know that they aren't true!

My dad was getting mad at me for staying home and avoiding my problems when I should be facing them. He made me go to San Francisco with him. He thought that it would be a good idea for me to get out of the house. We went to Union Square and looked at workers trimming the Christmas tree. The Christmas tree was HUGE! It's like one of those ones that you see on TV in New York!

Then we went into Macy's (it's 7 stories! I've never been to a Macy's that was 7 stories!) to look at women's stuff. We looked at the handbags. I think it's weird that I look at handbags with my dad and not my mom. My mom doesn't like to go shopping very much. After we went to Macy's we decided to go get something to eat in Chinatown, which was only a couple of blocks away.

Of course, we passed by Juicy Couture (it was 3 stories!). I had to go inside. It was amazing! Of course, my dad and I looked at their handbags. I wished that Haylie was there with us so we could gush about how cute the bags were.

I'm now debating on whether or not to get a Coach bag. It's more classy than a Juicy bag. It would look more professional when I am older.

My dad and I ate at this Japanese restaurant in Chinatown. It was weird. The food was amazing! I ordered the teriyaki beef. The meat was grilled to perfection. Their California rolls were divine. Honestly, the best California rolls I've ever had. They had these yam fries that tasted like curly fries. This is my new favorite restaurant. What was weird about this restaurant was that the owners were Chinese. It shouldn't be weird, but I thought it was.

"Honey, how long do you plan on staying home?" my dad asked me.

"Until it blows over," I said, stubbornly. "Or never! I can always be homeschooled."

"It's your senior year, Court," he said. "You're going to miss out on prom, graduation, grad night, your senior trip, and the whole senior experience."

"Dad, these people think I'm a whore," I told him. He looked at me with an eyebrown raised. I quickly added, "I'm not, you know that!"

"Yes, sweetheart, but you shouldn't care what other people think," he said. "In June when you graduate, everyone would be going to different colleges and different places. Pretty soon, your classmates will be starting a new life somewhere else. These petty rumors won't matter then."

I thought about what my dad said. He was right. We're all leaving in June. Who knows if we'll even see each other? The majority will go to different colleges throughout the state and some would even go to a college out of state. It's not going to matter.

I smiled at him.