Confessions, Part 1

I slowly turned around and smiled weakly.

"I-I-I was just leaving," I stuttered nervously. I couldn't even look him in the eye. I was too ashamed of what we had done. I was so disgusted with myself for allowing this to happen.

"We need to talk about this, Court," he said, calmly. "Don't bolt on me."

I couldn't say anything. All I wanted to do was run- run as far away from Adam as I can. I didn't want to face him. I didn't want to talk. But, I owe him that much- a talk. I opened my mouth to speak, but nothing came out. Instead, I nodded.

"Let me get dressed," he said, a little embarrassed. He opened his mouth to say something, but immediately closed it. I knew that he was going to make a joke, but had second thoughts. "I'll meet you downstairs?"

I nodded and went downstairs into the living room. I sat down, tapping my fingers nervously on the coffee table. My fingers grew tired of the extensive tapping and I proceeded to bite my fingernails. It was a bad habit and I don't do it unless I'm extremely nervous. It felt like an eternity had passed when Adam finally came downstairs. He came and sat down in front of me. I was still trying to avoid eye contact with him.

"Are you hungry?" he asked, worried. "I can make you something. Let me get you some orange juice."

I shook my head. I could tell that he was just as nervous as I was. I knew that he cared about our friendship as much as I did. I was too nauseous to even think about eating anything. All I wanted to do was to go home and take a long shower. I wanted to wash off all remains of him. I wanted no trace of him left on my skin. The faster this conversation gets started, the faster I can get out of here.

"Since you're not speaking, I guess I'll do the talking then," he said. He took a deep breath. "I don't think we used protection. Do you- are you- can you-"

"No, I'm on the pill," I said, trying to reassure him. "Don't worry." He visibly relaxed a little.

"If you are- if you do-" he said, a little awkwardly. "You know I'm here for you a hundred percent, right?"

"Yeah," I said, trying to smile. "I know."

"Do you know-" he started to say. He looked so uncomfortable, he was shifting nervously in his seat.

"I'm good, I got checked after Taylor," I told him. I paused for a second. I never thought that I'd have to ever ask Adam this question in my life. "Are you.. good?"

"I've never.." he started to say.

"You should get checked," I cut him off, saying. "It's really important-"

"No!" he exclaimed, loudly. I recoiled. He looked extremely embarrassed. Suddenly, I knew what he was going to say. "You're my first."