All That We Needed

It was a beautiful and heartbreaking sight seeing my dad stand next to my uncle's bed. He was silent, but I knew that his presence there was all that mattered. My dad talked about random things to his brother, trying to see if he was responsive. Each and every one of us were so relieved that Uncle Mark woke up. It brought our spirits up a little bit. We were hopeful that everything will be ok.

Uncle Mark laid there staring into space each time we came in. He would look at us with these sad eyes. It broke my heart. I knew that he wanted to talk to us, but he still had a tube in his mouth. He couldn't swallow without the help of the tube. He was getting his nutrients, medication, and water through other tubes.

When the nurse came in to give him his medicine and water, it made me cry. I didn't know how to handle what I was feeling. I felt so sorry for him. He was getting fed through a tube. We knew that it was the only way that he could get his nutrients, but it was extremely difficult for me to watch the nurse administer anything through the tubes.

My dad told me that this was his third stroke. One happened before I was born and another happened when I was fairly little. This one was the worst one out of the three. We were trying to transfer him to a closer hospital. The staff at Stanford Medical was doing their best to transfer him each day, but with each day, there were no open beds for him. We were still trying.

I believed that he was responsive. He had looked into my eyes and squeezed my hand when I was talking to him. It made my day. I knew that soon he'll be able to breathe by himself and talk. Things will get better soon.

"Courtney, there's someone here to see you," my mom said. "Go to the waiting room." I walked into the waiting room and I couldn't believe my eyes. Adam was here. I ran up and hugged him.

"I wanted to see how you were doing," he said.

"I'm ok," I said, smiling. "I'm glad you're here. Did you bring anyone else?"

"No, they were busy," he said. "Haylie made up some lame excuse not to be here today." Adam was the only one who asked where I was. He was the only one who called, worried about me. Logan hasn't talked to me in awhile and I stopped caring.

"Oh, ok," I said. I didn't have time to worry about Haylie or Logan. I had more important things to worry about. "Do you want to go see him?"

"Sure," he said, smiling. "Lead the way."

A Wonderful Christmas Time

It was Christmas morning and we were in the hospital waiting room with my cousin Nina and my Aunt Lany. My dad still hasn't came to visit Uncle Mark. He had a grudge against his brother. Uncle Mark was always down on his luck. He worked at the flea market selling socks for a living. I don't think that my dad ever got over the fact that my uncle could have done so much more with his life.

My uncle divorced Aunt Lany two years ago. All of his children were grown (my cousins Connie, Gary, and Nina) and he never had a really close relationship with any of his kids. He didn't attend Connie's wedding because he didn't like her then-fiance, now ex-husband. He was a good dad, trying to support his family through working, but he just never had that closeness to his children the way they wanted him to be.

Things turned for the worse when he married his late brother's widow so she and her daughter could immigrate here. My Aunt Lydia went through a rough time when her husband passed away from leukemia at the age of 30. My cousin Anne, who is the same age as me, had to experience losing a father at a very young age. I couldn't begin to imagine the pain they both went through.

My Aunt Lydia can be a bitch sometimes. When she came to the hospital last night she made Nina cry. She blamed this whole thing on Nina, saying that she should have went to college straight out of high school and not have waited a year. Needless to say, she's not welcomed to see her husband when Nina's here.

My uncle was still unconscious. We were getting really worried about him. The doctor walked into Uncle Mark's room.

"Merry Christmas," he said, smiling. The smile quickly disappeared as he got down to business. "I wish we had some great news, but we're not sure of anything until he wakes up. We're not sure if he will be responsive if he wakes up. We can't lower his blood pressure too much because he's so used to the high blood pressure that it might cause even more problems if we dramatically lower it. We're doing it progressively. He might not be able to use his legs."

We were all shocked. I couldn't believe that he might not be able to walk. I started to cry for the thousandth time I've been at the hospital. I felt someone wrap their arms around me. I looked up and say my dad.

"It's going to be ok, sweetheart," he told me, kissing my forehead.

"He's waking up!" Brittany exclaimed. We all looked up and saw Uncle Mark slowly waking up.

If We Make It Through December

"What?" I asked her in disbelief. I couldn't believe what I was hearing. Uncle Mark was our favorite uncle. He was the closest family member we have. I remembered when I was little, he would take me and Brittany out mini-golfing and to Disneyland. Brittany and I loved Uncle Mark.

"Honey, Uncle Mark had a stroke last night," my mom repeated. I knew that she was in shock also. I didn't know that Uncle Mark had enough health problems to cause a stroke. I would have done something to help. I would have stopped him from having the third slice of extra-extra-extra cheesy pizza and smoking a pack of cigarettes a day.

"Is he going to be ok?" I asked her.

"I don't know," she said, softly. "He's at Stanford Medical right now. He was airlifted from Valley Medical and he's not conscious."

"Are we going to go see him right now?" I asked her. She nodded.

"Go get your sister and get dressed," she said. "I'll call your dad and let him know what happened."

I went upstairs into Brittany's room and woke her up. She looked at the clock and mumbled something about it being the weekend into the pillow.

"Uncle Mark had a stroke," I told her, softly. She immediately sat up.

"What?" she asked. She had the same shocked expression as my mom did.

"We're going to go see him right now," I said. She nodded.

"Ok, let me get ready," she said, sadly.

I went in my room and quickly changed. I ran downstairs and found my mom waiting for us, looking a little distraught.

"What did Dad say?" I asked her.

"Nothing, he's not coming," she said. She saw Brittany running down the stairs. "Ok, girls, let's go. It's a long drive."

**************************************

It took us 3 hours to arrive at Stanford Medical. We couldn't find a free parking space on the street and had to settle for parking in the parking garage. We parked the car and went into the hospital. Our cousin, Nina, greeted us in the cafeteria. Brittany and I both hugged her.

"How are you doing?" we asked her at the same time. She smiled.

"I'm ok," she said. "I'll take you to Dad. He's in room 5." She brought us to his room in the intensive care ward. We weren't prepared to see Uncle Mark laying there.

"Oh goodness," my mom whispered.

"He's still not conscious yet," she explained. "He wasn't taking his medication for his high blood pressure. The nurse said that he's so used to the high blood pressure that they can't lower it too much or else it would cause some problems." Nina looked so sad.

"Where's Aunt Lany?" I asked her.

"She's outside in the waiting area," Nina said. "You guys stay here with him, I'm going to go check up on her." She left us alone with Uncle Mark.

I started to cry. I couldn't bare to see him with all of the tubes connected to his nose and mouth. He looked so still. It seemed that the Uncle Mark we knew was gone and another person was laying here in his body on the hospital bed. I walked over to the side of his bed and fixed his hospital gown. Brittany held his hand and squeezed. I took his other hand.

"We're here for you, Uncle Mark," I whispered to him. "Please wake up."

The Last Thing I Needed First Thing This Morning

I laid in bed with my eyes opened. I was exhausted, but I couldn't sleep. I tossed and turned for half an hour, thinking about everything that the future holds. When I realized that I wasn't going to get any sleep, I got out of bed and decided to do something productive.

I pulled out my laptop and started to type my psychology paper. 30 minutes later, I realized that I wasn't writing anything related to psych. I was writing down my feelings about college. I didn't realize how terrified I was to be moving into the future. I didn't know what it would hold for me. I didn't even know what I wanted to do with my life. I feel like I have to make a decision now before I graduate.

I sighed and turned off my laptop. Obviously, I'm not going to get any work done. I rubbed my eyes. I sighed again.

I haven't been sleeping well for the last couple of days. I was too tired to deal with the Adam/Haylie situation. Whatever they're hiding from me, I'm just going to let this one go.

*********************************************

I hit the snooze button 3 times before dragging myself out of bed. I had finally drifted off to sleep at 3 in the morning. I brushed my teeth, washed my face, and stumbled downstairs. Of course, I almost tripped on my long pajama pants and almost broke my neck. Luckily, I caught myself before damaging myself.

I stumbled into the kitchen where there was a plate of pancakes waiting for me on the breakfast table.

"Morning, Mom," I mumbled. "Thanks." I drenched my pancakes with syrup.

"Morning, sweetie," she said, chirpily. "Did you get any sleep?"

"Not really," I said, taking a bite of my pancakes.. "A couple hours."

"Hopefully, you can get a couple more hours tonight," she said. The phone rang. "I'll get it."

I nodded and watched her leave the room in search of our phone. I took another bite out of my pancakes and decided to put more syrup. I'm going to need the sugar today to keep me awake. I finished my pancakes and set my plate in the sink. I went into the living room and heard my mom crying.

"Mom, what's wrong?" I asked her, worried.

"Honey, Uncle Mark had a stroke last night," she said, wiping the tears from her eyes.