Wednesday, December 30, 2009

All That We Needed

It was a beautiful and heartbreaking sight seeing my dad stand next to my uncle's bed. He was silent, but I knew that his presence there was all that mattered. My dad talked about random things to his brother, trying to see if he was responsive. Each and every one of us were so relieved that Uncle Mark woke up. It brought our spirits up a little bit. We were hopeful that everything will be ok.

Uncle Mark laid there staring into space each time we came in. He would look at us with these sad eyes. It broke my heart. I knew that he wanted to talk to us, but he still had a tube in his mouth. He couldn't swallow without the help of the tube. He was getting his nutrients, medication, and water through other tubes.

When the nurse came in to give him his medicine and water, it made me cry. I didn't know how to handle what I was feeling. I felt so sorry for him. He was getting fed through a tube. We knew that it was the only way that he could get his nutrients, but it was extremely difficult for me to watch the nurse administer anything through the tubes.

My dad told me that this was his third stroke. One happened before I was born and another happened when I was fairly little. This one was the worst one out of the three. We were trying to transfer him to a closer hospital. The staff at Stanford Medical was doing their best to transfer him each day, but with each day, there were no open beds for him. We were still trying.

I believed that he was responsive. He had looked into my eyes and squeezed my hand when I was talking to him. It made my day. I knew that soon he'll be able to breathe by himself and talk. Things will get better soon.

"Courtney, there's someone here to see you," my mom said. "Go to the waiting room." I walked into the waiting room and I couldn't believe my eyes. Adam was here. I ran up and hugged him.

"I wanted to see how you were doing," he said.

"I'm ok," I said, smiling. "I'm glad you're here. Did you bring anyone else?"

"No, they were busy," he said. "Haylie made up some lame excuse not to be here today." Adam was the only one who asked where I was. He was the only one who called, worried about me. Logan hasn't talked to me in awhile and I stopped caring.

"Oh, ok," I said. I didn't have time to worry about Haylie or Logan. I had more important things to worry about. "Do you want to go see him?"

"Sure," he said, smiling. "Lead the way."

Monday, December 28, 2009

A Wonderful Christmas Time

It was Christmas morning and we were in the hospital waiting room with my cousin Nina and my Aunt Lany. My dad still hasn't came to visit Uncle Mark. He had a grudge against his brother. Uncle Mark was always down on his luck. He worked at the flea market selling socks for a living. I don't think that my dad ever got over the fact that my uncle could have done so much more with his life.

My uncle divorced Aunt Lany two years ago. All of his children were grown (my cousins Connie, Gary, and Nina) and he never had a really close relationship with any of his kids. He didn't attend Connie's wedding because he didn't like her then-fiance, now ex-husband. He was a good dad, trying to support his family through working, but he just never had that closeness to his children the way they wanted him to be.

Things turned for the worse when he married his late brother's widow so she and her daughter could immigrate here. My Aunt Lydia went through a rough time when her husband passed away from leukemia at the age of 30. My cousin Anne, who is the same age as me, had to experience losing a father at a very young age. I couldn't begin to imagine the pain they both went through.

My Aunt Lydia can be a bitch sometimes. When she came to the hospital last night she made Nina cry. She blamed this whole thing on Nina, saying that she should have went to college straight out of high school and not have waited a year. Needless to say, she's not welcomed to see her husband when Nina's here.

My uncle was still unconscious. We were getting really worried about him. The doctor walked into Uncle Mark's room.

"Merry Christmas," he said, smiling. The smile quickly disappeared as he got down to business. "I wish we had some great news, but we're not sure of anything until he wakes up. We're not sure if he will be responsive if he wakes up. We can't lower his blood pressure too much because he's so used to the high blood pressure that it might cause even more problems if we dramatically lower it. We're doing it progressively. He might not be able to use his legs."

We were all shocked. I couldn't believe that he might not be able to walk. I started to cry for the thousandth time I've been at the hospital. I felt someone wrap their arms around me. I looked up and say my dad.

"It's going to be ok, sweetheart," he told me, kissing my forehead.

"He's waking up!" Brittany exclaimed. We all looked up and saw Uncle Mark slowly waking up.

Saturday, December 26, 2009

If We Make It Through December

"What?" I asked her in disbelief. I couldn't believe what I was hearing. Uncle Mark was our favorite uncle. He was the closest family member we have. I remembered when I was little, he would take me and Brittany out mini-golfing and to Disneyland. Brittany and I loved Uncle Mark.

"Honey, Uncle Mark had a stroke last night," my mom repeated. I knew that she was in shock also. I didn't know that Uncle Mark had enough health problems to cause a stroke. I would have done something to help. I would have stopped him from having the third slice of extra-extra-extra cheesy pizza and smoking a pack of cigarettes a day.

"Is he going to be ok?" I asked her.

"I don't know," she said, softly. "He's at Stanford Medical right now. He was airlifted from Valley Medical and he's not conscious."

"Are we going to go see him right now?" I asked her. She nodded.

"Go get your sister and get dressed," she said. "I'll call your dad and let him know what happened."

I went upstairs into Brittany's room and woke her up. She looked at the clock and mumbled something about it being the weekend into the pillow.

"Uncle Mark had a stroke," I told her, softly. She immediately sat up.

"What?" she asked. She had the same shocked expression as my mom did.

"We're going to go see him right now," I said. She nodded.

"Ok, let me get ready," she said, sadly.

I went in my room and quickly changed. I ran downstairs and found my mom waiting for us, looking a little distraught.

"What did Dad say?" I asked her.

"Nothing, he's not coming," she said. She saw Brittany running down the stairs. "Ok, girls, let's go. It's a long drive."


It took us 3 hours to arrive at Stanford Medical. We couldn't find a free parking space on the street and had to settle for parking in the parking garage. We parked the car and went into the hospital. Our cousin, Nina, greeted us in the cafeteria. Brittany and I both hugged her.

"How are you doing?" we asked her at the same time. She smiled.

"I'm ok," she said. "I'll take you to Dad. He's in room 5." She brought us to his room in the intensive care ward. We weren't prepared to see Uncle Mark laying there.

"Oh goodness," my mom whispered.

"He's still not conscious yet," she explained. "He wasn't taking his medication for his high blood pressure. The nurse said that he's so used to the high blood pressure that they can't lower it too much or else it would cause some problems." Nina looked so sad.

"Where's Aunt Lany?" I asked her.

"She's outside in the waiting area," Nina said. "You guys stay here with him, I'm going to go check up on her." She left us alone with Uncle Mark.

I started to cry. I couldn't bare to see him with all of the tubes connected to his nose and mouth. He looked so still. It seemed that the Uncle Mark we knew was gone and another person was laying here in his body on the hospital bed. I walked over to the side of his bed and fixed his hospital gown. Brittany held his hand and squeezed. I took his other hand.

"We're here for you, Uncle Mark," I whispered to him. "Please wake up."

Friday, December 25, 2009

Fast-Talking Friday

Hey guys!

Happy Holidays! May this winter bring you lots of happiness and good fortune! :)

I'm going to be on a plane in a couple of hours. Whoo hoo!

I just want to ask you guys for a favor. I was wondering if I can get some good energy sent my uncle's way. We're trying to get him well enough to transfer to a closer hospital and he's been at Stanford Medical for awhile because of the stroke. It was a big one and we're not sure if he will ever recover fully. Please and thank you.

Happy Holidays again!

J'et :)

Wednesday, December 23, 2009

The Last Thing I Needed First Thing This Morning

I laid in bed with my eyes opened. I was exhausted, but I couldn't sleep. I tossed and turned for half an hour, thinking about everything that the future holds. When I realized that I wasn't going to get any sleep, I got out of bed and decided to do something productive.

I pulled out my laptop and started to type my psychology paper. 30 minutes later, I realized that I wasn't writing anything related to psych. I was writing down my feelings about college. I didn't realize how terrified I was to be moving into the future. I didn't know what it would hold for me. I didn't even know what I wanted to do with my life. I feel like I have to make a decision now before I graduate.

I sighed and turned off my laptop. Obviously, I'm not going to get any work done. I rubbed my eyes. I sighed again.

I haven't been sleeping well for the last couple of days. I was too tired to deal with the Adam/Haylie situation. Whatever they're hiding from me, I'm just going to let this one go.


I hit the snooze button 3 times before dragging myself out of bed. I had finally drifted off to sleep at 3 in the morning. I brushed my teeth, washed my face, and stumbled downstairs. Of course, I almost tripped on my long pajama pants and almost broke my neck. Luckily, I caught myself before damaging myself.

I stumbled into the kitchen where there was a plate of pancakes waiting for me on the breakfast table.

"Morning, Mom," I mumbled. "Thanks." I drenched my pancakes with syrup.

"Morning, sweetie," she said, chirpily. "Did you get any sleep?"

"Not really," I said, taking a bite of my pancakes.. "A couple hours."

"Hopefully, you can get a couple more hours tonight," she said. The phone rang. "I'll get it."

I nodded and watched her leave the room in search of our phone. I took another bite out of my pancakes and decided to put more syrup. I'm going to need the sugar today to keep me awake. I finished my pancakes and set my plate in the sink. I went into the living room and heard my mom crying.

"Mom, what's wrong?" I asked her, worried.

"Honey, Uncle Mark had a stroke last night," she said, wiping the tears from her eyes.

Monday, December 21, 2009

Last Christmas

As Christmas neared, I started to become more and more depressed. It made me sad to think about graduation and college knowing that our family could be separated next year. If both Brittany and I get into Beachside University, then we would be living in the dorms. My parents were big advocates of the college experience. I wasn't sure that I was ready to leave our house and our memories there.

Each Christmas, ever since I could remember, we would go out as a family and pick out a tree at our local nursery. We would stop by the coffee shop next to the nursery afterwards and each get a peppermint hot chocolate. We would bring the tree home and spend the entire day decorating the house.

My dad was in charge of putting up all of the Christmas lights and the insane outdoor decorations. We had the complete reindeer and Santa sleigh ensemble on our lawn. My favorite outdoor ornament are the giant candy canes.

While my dad handles the outdoor decorations, my mom handles all of the indoor decorations. She hangs all of the cards that we've ever received on top of the fireplace. She takes out all of the little figurines and places them in our walkway. She takes out all of the candles, pillows, tablecloth, and plates and sets them in the living room and dining room. She even takes out the ornaments for me and my sister.

Courtney and I are responsible for decorating the tree. Every year we argue about which colors to use and where to hang each ornament. Decorating the tree is my favorite part of Christmas.

My mom would start on Christmas Eve by making the gingerbread dough with my sister and I. We would build the gingerbread houses early on Christmas morning after we opened all of our presents. We would spend the whole day making Christmas dinner together. My mom makes the best ginger snaps.

Last Christmas my parents had to go on a business trip to New York and we couldn't spend Christmas together. Brittany and I didn't feel comfortable enough to decorate our house without our parents. We couldn't break tradition. Instead, we opted to spend Christmas in San Diego with our aunts and uncles. My aunts and uncles argued constantly and burnt the turkey. It was amusing but nothing like the Christmas at my house.

Last Christmas was the loneliest Christmas Brittany and I have ever had. I'm worried that our college Christmas-es would end up like last Christmas. I don't want our traditions to fade away.

Sunday, December 20, 2009

RIP Brittany Murphy

Brittany Murphy was pronounced dead at 10:04am this morning. My deepest condolences go out to Brittany’s family and friends. My thoughts and prayers will be with you.

She was so young, so full of life. I loved Uptown Girls, it was one of my favorite movies. She brought such charisma to the screen with her bubbly personality. Brittany, your work will be forever remembered by your fans.

I am in complete shock. 32 is too young to go. Rest in peace, Brittany.

Saturday, December 19, 2009


"What are you talking about, Court?" she asked me, confused. "I have no idea what you're talking about." She put out her cigarette. I didn't know if she was playing dumb or she was actually confused. If she was playing dumb, then she was doing one hell of a job. If I wasn't so angry at her, I would have believed her.

"You know what I'm talking about!" I exclaimed. Adam rushed over here to referee. I could yell at her as loud as I wanted to, there was no one left on campus. I couldn't believe that she was playing dumb. It was getting me angrier by the second. "The drugs!"

"What are you talking about?" She asked. I was infuriated that she was denying it. I sat down on the curb and put my head down on my knees. I was getting a stress headache. I looked up at her and gave her a "you know what I'm talking about" look. "Oh! The drugs!"

"Yes, the drugs!" I cried out. Now she knew what I was talking about. I needed to get out of here before I did or said something I would regret. "You know what? Go ahead and destroy your body. I don't care."

I breezed past her and walked to Adam's car. I had expected Adam to follow me. When I turned around, I saw him talking to Haylie. They weren't really talking. They looked like they were arguing. Haylie stormed off and Adam walked towards the car.

"What was that about?" I asked him.

He opened the passenger door for me and helped me into the car. He looked into my eyes.

"Nothing," he said. "Don't worry about it." He shut my door and went around to the driver's side.

I am so sick of everyone hiding things from me. It was a little odd that Haylie looked genuinely confused and when I put my head down, she suddenly knew what I was talking about. Did Adam mouth something to her? Was she and Adam hiding something from me? Was I being paranoid? Am I acting crazy?

I tossed and turned that night. I couldn't get those thoughts out of my head.

Friday, December 18, 2009

Fast-Talking Friday

Hey guys! How is everyone's week going?

Let's kick off this Fast-Talking Friday!

Today marks the 15th month I've been together with my boyfriend. It's crazy how fast time flies. I remember, like it was yesterday, that I couldn't wait to get my permit. Then, I couldn't wait to get my license. Then, I couldn't wait to graduate. Now, I'm 18 and done with my first semester of college.

I think this is the best part of being a college student. I get to say: Finals are DONE! I can't begin to describe how happy I am! I've missed sleeping and not being hyped up on caffeine. Now, I can relax and enjoy the month and a half off!

Vancouver is creeping up so fast! 1 more week to go! It's time to pull out the incredibly warm sweaters and other winter clothes! Hopefully, it will snow when I'm up in Canada. It's been a childhood dream of mine to have it snow in California. Sadly, it only snowed once in my entire life. Well, the snow melted right when it landed on the ground, so I don't think it counts.

What are your guys' plans for the holidays? Are you visiting relatives? Travelling? Pigging out on delicious holiday food? I'd love to know.

Happy Friday and Happy Holiday, guys!

Wednesday, December 16, 2009

Dirty Little Secret

***NOTE: Thanks to anonymous for correcting my mistake! Obviously, I shouldn't go into anything involving Drugs if I go into Forensics. Thanks again and sorry about the mistake!***

"What?" I exclaimed. I was so loud that a couple of people looked over at where we were standing. He put a hand over my mouth and shushed me.

"Do you want everyone to know?" he asked, annoyed. The bell rang, signaling that it was time to go to class. "We'll talk later. Meet me at my car." He walked away as I stared at him with my mouth hanging wide open.

How could it be possible that Haylie was doing drugs? She didn't have any of the clear signs of a user. She looked a little worn out, but I had assumed that it was due to cramming for finals. Am I that ignorant?


"Tell me everything," I said to Adam. He took a deep breath. Adam looked so nervous, his fingers were absentmindedly tapping against the steering wheel. He was reluctant to speak. He knew how I felt about drugs. It was a deal breaker for me. My view of Haylie had instantly changed the minute I found out. I wanted to slap her for being so stupid.

"I had gone over to her house a couple days ago," he said. "I opened the door with my key and I let myself in. The second I stepped foot into her house, I knew. I knew she was smoking pot. Her house reeked of it."

"How did she get it?" I asked him. My body felt completely numb. I didn't know what else to say. I was still getting over the initial shock. It was like I didn't know who Haylie Conner is. She wasn't the girl I thought she was.

"I don't know," he said. "I took her out to dinner. At the place where you saw us. It was perfect. It was intimate. No one would overhear our conversation and Haylie couldn't cause a scene. I asked her why she was smoking pot." He paused.

"She said that it relaxes her," he continued. "It helps her deal with the whole Steve situation and being alone."

I didn't know what to say to that. I bursted into tears. Adam pulled me into his arms.

"Don't cry," he said, softly. "I hate seeing you cry." I sniffled.

"What else is she doing?" I managed to say. I had my face buried in his shirt.

"She admitted to taking prescription drugs," he said. "She said she tried Ecstasy. I'm worried that she's going to start the hard stuff. Cocaine, crack cocaine, heroin, meth."

Hearing Adam say that made me cry harder. I didn't want Haylie to become a drug addict. She had such a bright future ahead of her. She's only in high school. There's still prom, the senior trip, graduation, summer, college. There's still college!

"What do we do?" I mumbled into his shirt.

"I was talking to her and she says she has no intentions of giving it up," he said.

He had stopped talking. I looked up and saw that he was looking out the window. I saw what he was staring at. Haylie was standing in the parking lot smoking a cigarette. I couldn't believe she was just standing there, smoking. She was looking around, making sure that no one saw her. I threw the passenger door open and marched over. I saw Adam shaking his head out of the corner of my eye. I tapped on Haylie's shoulder and she jumped 5 feet into the air.

"Oh, it's just you, Court," she said, breathing a sigh of relief. "Are you ok? Have you been crying?"

"Don't give me that crap, I know your secret," I told her.

She was speechless.

Monday, December 14, 2009

All In My Head

I was on my way to the school library to do some studying for my finals. I had decided that this was the perfect place to hide. I'm pretty sure that Haylie has never set foot in a library and that Adam was too busy filling his empty stomach to realize that I was hiding here. I knew that I had to confront them sooner or later, but I'm choosing later. On the bright side, I'm getting some studying done.

As soon as I stepped foot in the library, I saw Sarah sitting alone at an empty table. I wasn't really surprised. Separating Sarah from a library is like separating peanut butter and jelly. It cannot and should not be done. She waved at me and motioned for me to take a seat at the table she was at. I smiled and walked to her table.

"Hey, fancy seeing you here," she greeted me in a whisper. I smiled.

"Yeah, I have to study for physiology," I told her. She nodded, understanding how much I needed to study for the class. She had taken the course last year.

I felt bad for not telling Sarah about seeing Haylie and Adam together, but there was no need to spread around rumors on something that I haven't confirmed to be true. I didn't want another incident like the one I was in. I had asked around and no one knew how the rumor started. They didn't know how it had erupted into such a circus. When I heard about Tiger Woods and his situation, I instantly felt bad for him. I knew, to some extent, how he was feeling.

I opened my physiology book and started to make flashcards. Five minutes into studying, I looked up and saw Sarah waving at someone. I looked over to where she was looking at. I saw Adam standing at the doorway. Oh no. He walked over and sat down next to me.

"I feel like you've been avoiding me, Courtney," he whispered to me. "What's wrong?"

Sarah looked uncomfortable. She didn't do well in stressful situations involving people.

"Um, I'm going to go," Sarah said, softly. "I'll talk to you guys later." She picked up all of her books and walked away. I gathered my books and walked out behind her, with Adam following me.

"I'm not avoiding you," I told him. "I've just been busy. I've had a lot of stuff on my mind."

"You know you can talk to me about anything," he said. "What's wrong?" I took a deep breath and sighed.

"Well, I saw you and Haylie out the other day," I told him, quickly. "Together. Like a couple. I mean, I can imagine why you'd want to keep it a secret and not tell anyone, but I'm your best friend and it hurts me that you can't tell me something like that." I took a breath. Adam looked at me like I was crazy.

"Oh!" he said, realizing what I was talking about. "You're talking about the dinner I had with Haylie."

"Yes," I said, nodding.

"I didn't want to tell you this," he said. "I thought I could handle it myself."

"What is it?" I asked him. He took a deep breath and paused. He opened his mouth and the words came out.

"Court, Haylie's doing drugs," he said, softly.

Saturday, December 12, 2009

Good Girls Gone Bad

I was still avoiding Adam and Haylie. I think they could sense that something was up. I didn't have time to think about the whole Adam and Haylie dating situation. At least, I tried not to think about the whole Adam and Haylie situation.

I opened my front door and realized that I came home to my parents screaming. I was extremely confused, I had no idea what was going on. I figured out that it was coming from the kitchen. Of course, I'm a coward and decided to run upstairs and hide in my room. I kept the door open so I could hear everything that was going on.

"Brittany, what is this?" I heard my mom yell. She sounded really angry. "Why do you have birth control pills? Are you having sex? You're having sex with that boy, aren't you? Aren't you?"

OMG. I can't believe my mom found Brittany's birth control pills! My eyes darted around my room. Where can I hide mine so my mom doesn't find them? I usually kept mine in my backpack, but I'm worried that she's going to do a search and seizure of both Brittany's room and my room. I ended up wedging the pills behind the tiny gap between my bed and the wall.

"No, I'm not, Mom!" Brittany protested. "I swear I'm not!"

I crossed my fingers for her. I hoped that my mom and dad believed her. Please believe her. I could hear Brittany crying. I felt horrible for her. My parents have the tendency to overreact. Even though I know for a fact that Brittany was having sex with Zack, my parents didn't need to know that. Please believe her. Brittany, time to bring in your Oscar winning performance.

"Don't lie to your mother, young lady!" my dad yelled. "It's that boy, isn't it? He forced himself onto you didn't he?"

"No, Dad! We haven't done anything!" Brittany insisted.

"Where did you get the pills then?" my mom asked, accusingly. Come on, Brittany! Come up with a good excuse!

"I got them at the health convention at school," she said, convincingly. "Planned Parenthood was one of the people who were hosting the convention and they were giving out contraceptives and birth control to the girls."

That's a good excuse! We did have a health convention at school and Planned Parenthood was there, but that's not exactly how we got the pills.

"Why would you get the pills if you weren't having sex?" my mom asked, angrily. "That doesn't make any sense."

"They're for a rainy day," Brittany explained. "Just in case I decide to have sex when I'm in college. I want to be prepared!"

"That's stupid," my mom said.

"I'm going to call the school and ask if they had a health convention," my dad said. I laughed into my pillow. I could imagine how that conversation would go. If I worked in the office, I would hang up on him. I smiled.

"Courtney! Can you come down here?" I heard my mom call. They knew I was home.

Calm down. Breathe. They don't think you have birth control pills too. Besides, you're not having sex. You don't have anything to worry about.

I braced myself and went downstairs.

"Honey, your dad and I want to ask you if there was a health convention at school," my mom said.

"Yes, it was last month," I told her.

"Ok," my dad said. "Both of you, go upstairs."

Brittany and I walked upstairs and locked ourselves in my room. We needed a little sister time. I had to make sure that she was ok and that she wasn't mentally scarred for life. I still can't believe that my mom found her pills. I managed to hide them for 2 years and Brittany only had them for a couple months.

"Are you ok, Brit?" I asked her. She took a deep breath and sighed.

"Yeah," she said. "I can't believe she found them!"

"Where did you stash them?" I asked. I was curious. There were so many places where she could have hidden them. I don't know why my mom was in her room in the first place. She was probably snooping. I had a suspicion that she snooped in our rooms when we weren't home.

"In my dresser, she never looks in there," she said. "Well, she never did look in there."

"You're an idiot, you know that?" I told her. She laughed. I'm glad that she can laugh this off.

It took a couple days for this whole thing to blow over. My parents were acting normal again. I'm so glad that we can put this behind us.

Friday, December 11, 2009

Fast-Talking Friday

Hey guys!

It's another Friday! That means finals are coming up and I have my first final today. One more week and then winter break! I just want to wish those who have finals coming up, GOOD LUCK! Get some rest and eat some breakfast before you go take it.

I'm not feeling so well. I feel awful because I infected my boyfriend who NEVER gets sick. I'm not getting any better due to dead week. Hopefully when finals are over, I can get better.

I'm catching up on some SNL. Does anyone have any good TV shows or blogs that they would like to recommend?

Happy Friday, guys! :)

Wednesday, December 9, 2009

Lazy Day Afternoon

I avoided Adam and Haylie today. I didn't know what happened at the restaurant, but I didn't want to know. If two of my best friends are dating, then that's fine with me.

Is it really fine?

I pushed that thought away. Of course I was fine. It's not like I'm jealous or anything. Why would I be? It's just Haylie and Adam. It's not like it's some random chick and some random dude.

But you are jealous.

There's nothing to be jealous of. I'm with Logan. I tried telling myself. I don't think I was very convincing. I don't know why I felt this way. I'm completely happy with Logan. I love him. Right?

"Are you ok?" Justin asked me, breaking my train of thoughts.

"Yes, I'm fine," I said. "I'm just thinking." I pushed aside all thoughts about Logan, Haylie and Adam and concentrated on the matter at hand.

I have the honor of going with Justin to pick out the engagement ring for Sarah. It is incredibly difficult to find the perfect ring at the right price. I couldn't believe that this was actually happening.

Justin and Sarah have gone through their ups and their downs like any other couple. Sarah's parents did not approve of Justin because he wasn't considered to be "up to Sarah's standards". Well, who is? Sarah is a goddess who knows how to manage her time. Her ultimate goal was to get into Stanford, which was why she joined numerous clubs and volunteered at our local animal shelter. Her parents felt that she could do better than Justin.

There was nothing wrong with Justin. I wouldn't say that he was incredibly academic. He got decent grades, averaging at least a 3.5. He was only in one club, which was the Cooking Club. The only reason why he was in that in the first place was to make food for Sarah. His main priority was Sarah and work.

He was an incredibly sweet and thoughtful guy. He spoils Sarah to death. He works two jobs just so he can take her out and buy gifts for her. I remember in freshman year, he had sketched a picture of him and Sarah in a heart for Valentine's Day. His gift made all of the girls at school completely jealous.

I don't think I could find two people who love each other more than Justin and Sarah.

Her parents knew that Justin wanted to become an engineer. Sadly, in their minds, an engineer is not good enough for a doctor. Sarah has been defending Justin for the majority of their relationship.

I don't know how her parents are going to take the news. Their reaction could range from a strained "Congrats" or a screaming rated R horror movie.

I tried not to think about her parents' reaction. It always made me sad that they don't want to give Justin a chance to prove himself. He is a great guy with a lot to offer to Sarah. I don't think I've seen a more compatible couple.

Justin parked his car and went to the passenger's seat to let me out.

We went to all of the jewelry stores in the mall before settling for the first one we went to. It took us the whole day, but we had picked out a 14k white gold ring with a 1 ct. princess cut diamond. There were little diamonds trailing on both sides of the diamond. It was incredibly gorgeous. I knew that Sarah would love it.

Monday, December 7, 2009

With You

I opened the box and found his class ring with a gold chain attached to it. It was beautiful. It was one of those classic class rings where it read Beachside High School. The ring was in white gold with a round sapphire (his birthstone) that made it look amazing, I couldn't believe how color coordinated it was.

There was our school mascot, the falcon, engraved on one side, and our graduating year on the other side. It was fantastic. I couldn't believe that he was giving me his class ring. This was a huge commitment- for the both of us.

"Oh, honey," I said, grinning. I was extremely touched. "It's beautiful!"

"Let me help you put it on," he said. I held up my hair as he put the necklace on. "It looks better on you." I laughed.

"I know," I said, smiling. He playfully pushed me onto my bed. "Hey!" I looked at him. "

"I love you too, Courtney," he said, smiling. He nuzzled my neck. "We could stay here if you want. I'm sure we could find something to do. I laughed.

"Let's go," I said.

I don't want him all over me with my whole family home. If my mom or my dad came in and checked up on me, there would be no question. Logan'd be dead. If my parents catch him even thinking about touching me, he'd be dead. That's how protective my parents are of their kids. Of course, they didn't know about Taylor.

"I see how it is," he joked. He took my hand and lead me downstairs.

"You promised me dinner," I said, laughing. "Bye, Mom! Bye, Dad!" I heard mumbles and we closed the door behind us.

He drove us to the restaurant, where he had made reservations. The waiter took us to our table and gave us the menus. I barely glanced at it. I knew what I wanted. I always ordered the Caesar salad. I looked around the restaurant, taking in the atmosphere. It was a very mellow restaurant.

There were candles set on the middle of the table, making it extremely romantic. We placed our orders and handed the menus back to our waiter. I smiled at Logan.

"This is really nice," I said. I was practically glowing and jittery. I was extremely happy to be with Logan.

"Yeah, it-" Logan paused.

"What's wrong?" I asked him.

"Is that Adam?" he asked me. He pointed to the table in the corner.

I looked over and saw Adam sitting at the table with Haylie and he had her hand in his.

Saturday, December 5, 2009


I didn't want to go out for out one month anniversary. Logan was being extremely sweet. He brought chocolate and flowers to school. He whispered sweet nothings into my ear. He was trying really hard to get back on my good side. He wanted to take me out to a restaurant for our one month anniversary.

I didn't know what to get him for our anniversary. I have been searching for the perfect gift. It is incredibly difficult to shop for guys. I finally decided on an engraved pen and this..this.. DJ Hero game that he's been wanting. He had decided against buying it because he wanted to buy a car before he buys DJ Hero.

I stepped out of the shower. I took the blow dryer out and started drying my hair.

Things weren't so bad when I went back to school. No one threw tomatoes at me in the halls, no one said anything to my face. I knew that there were rumors circulating still, but it will blow over sooner or later. Farrah and Taylor graduated last year. I hope word doesn't get to Farrah, who is going to UCLA. She will make my life a living hell- worse than what it is now.

I turned of the dryer and started curling my hair.

I had turned in my application to Beachside University a couple of days ago. Brittany had also applied there. It wasn't for me. Zack was going to get a full ride and play football at BU, so Brittany is aiming to go to school there too. BU was my first and only choice. If I didn't get in, I'd have to go to Beachside College. I think the whole group applied there, but it was their backup college.

I set down the curler and sighed.

Thinking about college was making me sad. I don't know if the 6 of us will stick together, let alone Logan and I sticking together. I don't want to force him to do anything. I'm a little scared that we're all going to drift apart. Sarah, Justin, and I barely talk as it is. Henry is constantly texting me and asking how he can make Haylie love him. It was cute the first time he asked, but after 1,358,964 times, it gets annoying.

I looked down and saw the kitty rubbing against my legs. I picked her up.

"Hey, baby," I said. "Mama's gotta change. I love you though." I gave her her favorite green mouse toy that was filled with catnip and shooed her out of my room.

I slipped into the fun, flirty purple dress I picked out earlier.

"Court! Your boyfriend is here!" I heard Brittany shout from downstairs.

"Give me a minute!" I shouted back to her. I put a little mascara on. I decided to go minimal on the makeup tonight. I heard a knock at my door.

"Can I come in, babe?" I heard Logan say.

"Sure," I said, smacking my lips. I opened the door for him to come in.

"You look beautiful," he said, kissing me. "I wanted to give you your present."

"Oh, I have yours too!" I said. I handed him the gift bag on the floor. "You open yours first." He unwrapped his present.

"Babe," he whispered. "Thank you." I thought he was talking about the DJ game, but I saw him looking at the pen. I smiled.

"You like the game?" I asked him.

"I like the game," he said. "I love the pen though. I'll be thinking of you everytime I use it."

"Good," I said, grinning.

"Here, open yours," he said. "You're going to love it."

He handed me a tiny ring-sized box wrapped perfectly with a blue ribbon. I held it in my hands for a minute before pulling at the ribbon.

Friday, December 4, 2009

Fast-Talking Friday

Hey, guys!

Well, it's Friday again!

Just an update: I figured out another class to take that meets the transfer requirement for Psych, so I am a Psych major again! :) I missed the option because I kept looking at the requirements page over and over again. Silly me.

It's DECEMBER! :) December is one of my favorite times of the year. Back when I worked in retail, it was the busiest time and I got hecka hours! Now, since I'm a full time student, it's a great time to spend numerous hours purchasing presents for Christmas! I love giving presents, it's much more fun that getting them! Have you guys gotten your shopping done for those who celebrate Christmas? For those who don't celebrate Christmas, have you done anything to prepare for the holiday you do celebrate?

Is it just me or are guys REALLY hard to shop for? I can never figure out what to get my boyfriend for Christmas or for his birthday. I bought him something already which I hope that he'll like. It's a 1GB USB keychain with Janet loves Kevyn engraved on it on the front with a heart, a rose and little scrolls that says Love You Forever on the back of it. His birthday is in Feb. and I think I'm going to get him a DSi or the DSl (or whatever it's called). He told me he wanted one. Do you guys have any tips for giving gifts to guys (that don't involve giftcards)?

My kitty, Uri, had worms and my boyfriend and I brought her to the vet and she got all of her shots (her previous owner did not give her the shots) and she got dewormed. Now, the poor thing has a mild fever and is lounging around and not playing. It's scary to see her act this way because I have never seen her sick before. We have been spoiling the heck out of her and giving her treats because we feel bad that she's sick (and for the horrible 20 minute car ride to and from the vet. She HATES cars and kept meowing the whole ride!). I'm hoping that she gets better soon. I wanted to get her declawed, but that procedure is expensive! I don't know if it would be beneficial for us in the long run. I'm thinking so far ahead into the future, like, marriage and baby days which would be after I graduate in a couple of years.

For those who read the Bedroom Blog on the Cosmo website, I would like to voice my opinion that I did not like the Baby Baby post, that blog is becoming more and more disappointing. It's not that I don't love babies, I do! It's just that this post felt like it was random, out of nowhere (as is this little segment I'm writing). I don't want to stop reading because I'm hoping that it will get better. I honestly think that the blog switched authors.

Have a muy bueno day and a fabulous weekend!

Wednesday, December 2, 2009

Already Gone

I walked until my feet hurt. I wanted to clear my head. The only place I could do that was the park. I sat down on one of the benches and place my bag next to me. I stared at the beautiful fall leaves. Its reds, oranges, and yellows instantly cheered me up. I watched as the leaves littered the ground. Each leaf falling was an art.

I didn't want to cry. I just wanted to enjoy the beautiful scenery. I imagined this was what Central Park looked like in the fall. I've already cried enough last week. I couldn't explain it. I had a wave of calmness wash over me. I was no longer stressed out, I felt free and invincible. I walked to the nearby coffeestand and purchased a hot chocolate.

I imagined that this is the life that adults lived. Absolutely no care in the world. No pettiness, no gossip, no rumors- a stress-free world with absolutely zero drama. The thought of a drama-free, stress-free world made me smile.

I took the hot chocolate back to the bench I was sitting in. I pulled out the novel I was supposed to read for English. 1984, the title read. It seemed like it was a good book when my teacher described it. It was a novel about a society where the government is watching your every move. I opened the novel to page one and started reading.

An hour or two must have passed when I was interrupted.

"Oh, Courtney, I finally found you!" the voice shouted. I looked up and saw Logan rushing over to me. "I was worried sick about you!"

The color drained from my face. It was too soon for me to see Logan. I was planning on hiding out for at least one night before I saw him. I didn't know what to say to him or how to act around him, to say the least. He had broken my trust. I could have sworn I felt my heart shatter when I saw him.

"What are you doing here?" I managed to ask him.

"Looking for you!" he exclaimed. "I looked on the beach, I went to your house, I went to the coffeeshop, I went to the mall, but I couldn't find you." He pulled me into a hug. I pushed him away.

"Yeah, I've been here," I said. He pulled me in for another hug.

"I'm sorry, Court," he said. "I'm really sorry. Please forgive me." I pushed him away again.

"Logan, I can't forgive you that easily," I told him, my voice trembling. "You broke my trust. No one knew that I took Taylor away from Farrah. Everyone just thought that I was the rebound girl. I wanted to keep it that way."

"I'm sorry, Court!" he exclaimed. "What do I have to do? Do you want me to get on my knees and beg for your forgiveness? Do you want me to scream on the top of my lungs how much I'm sorry? What do you want me to do?"

"Nothing," I said, simply. "There's nothing you can do. You lost my trust."

"Are you breaking up with me?" he asked, with an unbelievable sadness. It broke my heart.

"No," I said. He grinned. "I just can't forgive you yet. I'm going to need some time, but I'm not breaking up with you."

"Take as much time as you need," he said, smiling.