Saturday, January 30, 2010

Anywhere But Here

My parents had to make an emergency business trip to Las Vegas and left just a few hours ago. I had begged them to take me with them, but they absolutely refused. I just wanted to get away from Beachside for a couple of days. They were only going to be gone until Monday night, what is so bad about missing one day of school?

I felt an overwhelming need to escape. I stared at my phone, not knowing who to call. I couldn't call Haylie, she slapped me. I couldn't call Adam, he was respecting my wishes to be left alone. I didn't want to call Henry, I would spill every horrible secret that Haylie had to make him stop loving her. Justin and Sarah were completely out of the question, they both work Friday nights. I took a deep breath and clicked the call button. I got an answer on the first ring.

"Hey, Taylor," I said. "I was wondering if you wanted to hang out tonight."

"Of course, Court," he said. I could practically see him smiling though the phone. "I'll be over at your house in ten."

I don't know what possessed me to call Taylor. We're friendly with each other. I think it was because I was lonely and there was no one else around to comfort me. I'd have to admit, I was actually surprised to see him riding onto my driveway in his Harley. He parked his bike, took off his helmet and sat down next to me on the porch. I'm not going to lie, Taylor looked really hot in his white t-shirt, jeans, and leather jacket. I had little butterflies in my stomach.

"Hey, stranger," he said, smiling. He noticed that I was shivering a little. "You look cold." He took off his jacket and draped it over my shoulders. I smiled. I had forgotten how sweet Taylor could be.

"Thanks," I said, grateful for his jacket. "It's nice to see you."

"It's nice to see you too, Court," he said, sincerely. He was silent for a minute. "So, are you going to tell me what's wrong?" I shook my head no. I didn't want to talk about it. I didn't want to talk about it to Brittany and I definitely don't want to talk about it to Taylor.

"I really don't want to talk about it," I told him. We sat there in silence for a couple of minutes. I put my hands in the pockets of the jacket and found his keys. Suddenly, I had a brilliant idea. I jumped up and ran over to his bike.

"Court, what are you doing?" Taylor shouted. He ran over next to me and grabbed my wrist. I looked into his eyes.

"Taylor, I want to get away from here," I told him, practically begging. "Please, I just want to be anywhere but here." I think he saw the pain in my eyes or he understood where I was coming from. When we were still going out, he had escaped his parents by bringing me to the mountains where you could see all of the city lights- the place where he first told me he loved me.

"Fine, just for the weekend though," he said, sighing. "No way in hell are you driving my bike."

"Just let me get some things from the house, ok?" I asked him. He nodded. I went inside and got a small backpack and stuffed a couple of things that I thought I needed for the weekend. I grabbed my leather jacket and headed outside, locking the door behind me.

"Your parents are going to kill me," he mumbled. I hopped on the back of the bike and wrapped my arms around his waist.

"Just drive, Taylor," I told him.

Friday, January 29, 2010

Fast-Talking Friday

Hey, guys!

It's another Friday! How has your week been?

I'm super excited about Monday! I start school! (Yes, you guys might think I'm crazy, but I've gone through a month and a half of crazy mostly non-productive behavior.) I'm really not excited about buying books. Who decided to make books so expensive? On the bright side, I needed a book that cost $122 in the bookstore (for a USED copy!), but was only $25 with shipping on I swear, is going to be my best friend! =]

Onto a more interesting subject: MOVIES!

Has anyone seen any good movies lately? The last movie I saw was New Moon (and I LOVED it! I'm a Team Taylor fan now- my boyfriend just rolls his eyes everytime Taylor's name comes up, unless it's Taylor Swift). I'm planning on seeing Valentine's Day. It seems interesting that they have so many well known actors in the movie that I'm willing to check it out. I heard Avatar was EXTREMELY good.

Do you guys have any reccommendations on any movies in theaters right now or just any movie in general?

Feel free to comment below or start a random conversation with me. I would really enjoy it! :)

Wednesday, January 27, 2010

Beat It

The next few days passed without any incident. It was really awkward seeing Logan in class, but he had enough sense to sit in the front of the class and not his usual seat besides me. The entire school knew that he had cheated on me and that I had broken up with him. Today, he tried to talk to me as I walked out of class.

"Court, can I talk to you?" Logan asked, trying to catch up to me. I quickened my pace. He grabbed my arm and I turned around.

"Don't you dare touch me, Logan!" I yelled, yanking my arm away. I caught the attention of a few students. They were eagerly waiting to see what would happen next. "We have nothing to talk about. I want you to stay away from me." I quickly walked away and tried to ignore the stares.

Brittany caught up to me after my next class and was nagging at me to talk to Adam.

"If you don't do it soon, you're going to explode and make the situation worse," she told me.

I knew that she was right, but I didn't want to confront him. I was done with confrontations. I had confronted Adam and I had confronted Logan (twice). I was just tired and emotionally drained.

Strangely enough, I didn't miss Logan at all. Maybe I was still in shock. I told him that I loved him for the short time we've been together. But, if I had truly loved him, shouldn't I be extremely depressed, whining, crying, spreading rumors about Haylie- having the exact same reaction that Farrah did when Taylor cheated on her? Then, it hit me. I was never truly in love with Logan in the first place.

I still think about Farrah from time to time. I wondered how she was. I wondered if she was over the whole Taylor incident. I wondered how long it took for her to get over it. I never thought about how she felt, I had only thought about being with Taylor. I couldn't believe how selfish I was. I wonder if I could ever forgive Haylie for what she's done.

I made my way to the cafeteria and got a sandwich to eat. I walked out to the quad and found an empty bench. I took out my physiology book and started to read about neurons. I stopped reading when I noticed a shadow standing besides me. I looked up and saw Haylie.

"Court, can we talk?" she asked me. I could see the hurt in her eyes. I could see that she looked fatigued and wasn't eating well. Seeing her standing besides me made me incredibly angry.

"No," I told her. "Like I told Logan, we have nothing to talk about."

Most people would have gotten the hint, but not Haylie. She came and sat down next to me on the bench.

"Please, Court," she pleaded. "I just want to explain." I jumped up from my seat.

"Oh, you want to explain?" I shouted, angrily. "You want to explain why you slept with my boyfriend? You want to explain why you're an sorry excuse for a friend? You want to explain why you're a backstabbing, two-faced whore?"

She slapped me hard across the face. I looked at her, my mouth hanging wide open, in shock. I was ready to jump her when Adam squeezed between us and pulled me away.

"No, she slapped me!" I shouted at him. "What are you doing?"

"Are you crazy?" he asked me. "If I didn't stop you, you'd get suspended. She's not worth it, Court."

"Why did you lie to me about Haylie?" I asked him, angrily. "I can handle the truth, Adam, I'm not some child that you have to lie to! You should have told me in the first place!"

"I-" he started to say.

"I'm starting to think Taylor was right about you paying that girl to make it look like he was cheating on me," I cut him off. "Just leave me alone, Adam." I stormed off.

Monday, January 25, 2010

Leave, Get Out

Adam gave me a ride home. He didn't want my parents to get worried about me. I gave him a hug and waved bye to him as he drove off. I used my key and opened the door. I took a peek inside. The house seemed quiet, I don't think my parents were awake yet. I tiptoed inside and tried to make as little sound as possible, making my way up to my room. They were probably mad at me because I didn't call them and tell them I was staying out (although, I don't know how I could have given them notice, I don't want to have explain what had happened between Adam and I to my parents).

"Where were you?" I jumped 3 feet in the air. I turned around.

"Britt, don't do that!" I told her. I clutched my heart as I tried to return to my normal heart rate. I can see the headline on the front page: "17-year-old California Girl Dies From Heart Attack".

"Sorry, but you really had me worried!" she said. "Let's go into your room and talk." I nodded and followed her into my room. I closed the door shut on my way in.

"What happened last night?" she asked me, curiously. I tell my sister everything, I couldn't keep this from her- it was too big. It took me 20 minutes to explain to her what had happened between Logan and Haylie, everything between Adam and I, and the whole situation of Adam lying to me about Haylie doing drugs and me confronting her about it. "Did you ever confront him about lying to you?"

"No! I'm such a coward!" I exclaimed to her. "I can't go and confront Adam."

"You confronted Haylie about her doing drugs," she said. She used finger quotes when she said "doing drugs".

"Yeah, but I was furious with her," I said.

"I think you should be furious with Adam for lying to you because-" The doorbell rang, interrupting her. She sighed. "I'll get it. Mom and Dad left early to go to the office and do paperwork." She went downstairs to answer the door.

I decided to change out of the clothes I slept in last night and take a nice, long shower- erasing all traces of what I did last night. I didn't need my parents freaking out even more- to have them come home and see their daughter looking like a mess. I stepped out of the shower and dried my hair before changing into my sweats and a T-shirt. I heard someone come into my room.

"Court, you should come downstairs," Britt said. "Logan's here."

"Was he the one at the door?" I asked her. She nodded.

"I'll be in my room if you need me," she told me. I smiled. I took a deep breath and walked downstairs. Logan greeted me with a smile, as if nothing was wrong.

"Babe, you take really long showers," he told me, chuckling. He tried to give me a kiss, but I turned my head away. I didn't want his lips anywhere near mine. How dare he try to pretend that he's not seeing Haylie behind my back.

"What brings you over, Logan?" I asked him. It came out sounding a little cold.

"I wanted to see if you wanted to go to the harbor and watch the boats," he said. He looked at me. "Do you?"

"No," I said, angrily.

"O-k," Logan said, confused. He was completely clueless that I knew about him and Haylie. "Well, do you want to go see a movie then?"

"No, Logan," I told him. I can't believe I called him my boyfriend. "I don't want to go anywhere with you. I'm breaking up with you, you cheating bastard!" His smile froze in place.

"Wha-What are you talking about, babe?" he asked me, stuttering.

"Don't you 'babe' me," I exclaimed. "I know you've been sleeping with Haylie behind my back. I saw you two together. You're an sorry excuse for a person."

"Guess you know how Farrah feels now," he told me, laughing. "Taste of your own medicine, you whore."

I couldn't believe what he had said to me. I was so angry that I was ready to punch his face in.

"Get the hell out of my house!" I spat in his face. I opened the front door. "I said, get out!"

He smugly walked out and I slammed the door right behind him.

Saturday, January 23, 2010

This Love

*Sorry this is late, I could have sworn it posted! Again, sorry for the delay*

It was as if time had froze. I didn't know what to make of the situation. My best friend told me that he loved me and not in the "I love you, buddy" way, but in the romantic "I love you" way. He had put me on the spot. I sat there, trying to figure out if I felt the same way about him- or could I even feel the same way about him.

We've known each other since preschool and we know everything about each other. I feel that one of the best parts of a relationship is the "honeymoon stage" where they find out everything about each other and they think the other one's quirks are adorable. But with Adam and I, we know what irritates the other. We know all about each other's past (well, at least, I do now) and we've hung out so many times over the years. We'll be like an old married couple.

I tried to picture us together- going out to dinner, seeing a movie, taking a walk around the park near my house, talking for hours on end until we fell asleep on each other. I can see that happening, only because we've done all of those things together.

What if I say yes and we end up breaking up? I'll lose him forever. But, on the other side of the coin, if I say no, he could decide that he never wants to speak to me again and I'll lose him forever. I don't think I could lose Adam.

"Court," he whispered, softly. It broke me out of my train of thought. "What are you thinking?"

He looked at me, his eyes pleading. I took a deep breath, I knew what I was going to do. I looked into his eyes and tried to make this as clear as possible.

"Adam listen, we've been friends for a long time and I love you dearly," I said. "But really, Adam, I don't love you romatically. I'm sorry."

He looked as if his heart was broken into a million pieces.

"I understand," he said.

"You didn't let me finish," I told him. "I'm willing to give us a try if we use baby steps and maybe one day I'll fall in love with you."

He lit up like a little boy on his birthday.

"Court, you really don't know how happy you've made me," he said, grinning from ear to ear. I smiled.

Let's hope I made the right decision- for both our sakes.

Friday, January 22, 2010

Fast-Talking Friday

Hey guys!

I want to start this Friday off by thanking you guys for reading my blog. I enjoy reading your comments, even though I've been really horrible about replying and I'm sorry for that. I'm going to try to work on commenting on the comments.

So, I'd like to jump in and ask you guys for your advice.

Are men hard to shop for?

My boyfriend's birthday is coming up next month and I have no clue what to get him. Of course, when I asked him what he wants, he asks for world peace. A couple of days later, he asked for pajama pants.

What do you get for your significant other or a male friend?

I find it extremely difficult to shop for someone, often copping out and buying them a gift card to their favorite store or Starbucks or something. He asked for pajama pants, but I don't think that's a very "birthdayish" gift from a girlfriend. I feel like it's a gift that his grandma would give him.

Last year, I got him a gift card to a sports shop so he could put it towards a tennis racket. It's a running joke that I own 1/4 of the tennis racket right now and when we're married I'll own half.

Sorry about all of the rambling. I'm experimenting with sleep patterns. I heard somewhere that if a person stays up for 3 days straight that they start to hallucinate (which I think would be pretty cool to experience, psychologically). The longest I've gone so far is 26/27 hours straight. My body betrayed me and I fell asleep watching House.

Sorry, I'm getting sidetracked. I should rap this up before I fall asleep. So, please post any comments/responses/chitchat you have and I'll respond in the afternoon.

Happy Friday, guys. =]

Wednesday, January 20, 2010

Confessions, Part 2

I was stunned. I mean... I thought that there was someone-anyone-who had slept with him. I knew he wasn't a ladies' man but he had some good qualities to him. I thought he had gotten girls. He was talking to this one girl named Ann?.. Amy?.. or was it Ashley? Well, he was talking/getting serious with her last year. I had stopped inquiring about her when Adam told me it was none of my business. But, I never thought that he was.. a.. virgin. We must have sat there in silence for about 20 minutes before Adam cleared his throat.

"So, yeah," he said.

"Yeah," I said, softly. "I thought you were really seriously with..." I trailed off. I couldn't remember her name. Why couldn't I remember her name? I remembered that she was petite with warm layered brown hair. She was a animal's rights activist. She would have been perfect, except for her overbite. But, she made Adam happy, at least for a little while.

"Amanda?" he asked me. He shook his head. "No, Mandi and I weren't serious."

I was genuinely curious of why it didn't work out between them. I felt like I needed a distraction from what had happened last night. I needed to think about something else- anything other than trying to recall any details with Adam.

"What happened?" I asked him, stomaching the nauseous feeling I still had. I didn't want to throw up all over the living room. I tried to look as natural as possible.

"Nothing much," he said. "She wanted to get serious and be committed after a couple of months, but I didn't feel like we made a good couple. I felt trapped. She just wasn't the girl for me."

"Oh," I said.

"No other girl can compare to you," he said, softly. He took my hand in his and looked into my eyes. "Court, I've been in love with you since I first laid eyes on you. I've been your friend all of these years. I've been here through good times and bad times. I just wish you'd give me a chance. You deserve better than Logan. You deserve better than Taylor. Please, just give me a chance and I promise I would never hurt you. Court, I love you."

Monday, January 18, 2010

Confessions, Part 1

I slowly turned around and smiled weakly.

"I-I-I was just leaving," I stuttered nervously. I couldn't even look him in the eye. I was too ashamed of what we had done. I was so disgusted with myself for allowing this to happen.

"We need to talk about this, Court," he said, calmly. "Don't bolt on me."

I couldn't say anything. All I wanted to do was run- run as far away from Adam as I can. I didn't want to face him. I didn't want to talk. But, I owe him that much- a talk. I opened my mouth to speak, but nothing came out. Instead, I nodded.

"Let me get dressed," he said, a little embarrassed. He opened his mouth to say something, but immediately closed it. I knew that he was going to make a joke, but had second thoughts. "I'll meet you downstairs?"

I nodded and went downstairs into the living room. I sat down, tapping my fingers nervously on the coffee table. My fingers grew tired of the extensive tapping and I proceeded to bite my fingernails. It was a bad habit and I don't do it unless I'm extremely nervous. It felt like an eternity had passed when Adam finally came downstairs. He came and sat down in front of me. I was still trying to avoid eye contact with him.

"Are you hungry?" he asked, worried. "I can make you something. Let me get you some orange juice."

I shook my head. I could tell that he was just as nervous as I was. I knew that he cared about our friendship as much as I did. I was too nauseous to even think about eating anything. All I wanted to do was to go home and take a long shower. I wanted to wash off all remains of him. I wanted no trace of him left on my skin. The faster this conversation gets started, the faster I can get out of here.

"Since you're not speaking, I guess I'll do the talking then," he said. He took a deep breath. "I don't think we used protection. Do you- are you- can you-"

"No, I'm on the pill," I said, trying to reassure him. "Don't worry." He visibly relaxed a little.

"If you are- if you do-" he said, a little awkwardly. "You know I'm here for you a hundred percent, right?"

"Yeah," I said, trying to smile. "I know."

"Do you know-" he started to say. He looked so uncomfortable, he was shifting nervously in his seat.

"I'm good, I got checked after Taylor," I told him. I paused for a second. I never thought that I'd have to ever ask Adam this question in my life. "Are you.. good?"

"I've never.." he started to say.

"You should get checked," I cut him off, saying. "It's really important-"

"No!" he exclaimed, loudly. I recoiled. He looked extremely embarrassed. Suddenly, I knew what he was going to say. "You're my first."

Saturday, January 16, 2010

My Life Would Suck Without You

I woke up the next morning with a hangover. I groaned. My head was killing me. What happened last night?

I remembered that Logan had cancelled another date. Then I went over to Haylie's house to hang out with her only to find her canoodling with Logan and learned about their secret relationship. Then everything started to get hazy. The last thing I remember, was taking a shot.

I knew better than to drink. I only did it out of spite and anger. Angry at Logan and Haylie for betraying me. Angry at Logan for not breaking up with me. Angry at Haylie for throwing out our friendship. Angry that I couldn't see this coming. I opened one eye.

The room was extremely bright. I groaned again. I closed my eye. I felt awful. I tried to recall more information about last night, but I couldn't remember anything after the shot. Wait..

It took me a minute to realize where I was. It took me another minute to realize I had no clothes on. Oh no. Please no. I didn't. I didn't do what I think I did. I turned my head and saw a naked Adam. I quickly looked away. I did. I did have sex with him. OMG. I have to get out of here! I can't be here when he wakes up!

I was in panic mode. I can't believe I was this stupid. I can't believe that I slept with Adam. I can't believe I messed up our friendship. I'm stupid! Stupid! Stupid! I threw away 12 years of friendship. How are we supposed to get past this?

I carefully slipped out of Adam's bed, trying not to wake up him. I tried to locate my clothes, they were scattered all over the room. Omg, my parents! They must have been worried! Where's my phone?

I quickly got dressed and scavenged for my phone. I looked everywhere. I managed to find it under the bed. I checked my messages. There was a message from Brittany. Didn't know where you were. Told Mom and Dad you were spending the night at Adam's.

The color drained from my face. She didn't know how accurate she was. I almost bursted into tears. I had already lost one best friend, now I'm going to lose another. This is all my fault.

I fixed my hair and washed off all of my makeup. I had to make sure I was presentable to my parents when I came home. I fixed myself up as best as I could. I didn't look like I just had sex with my best friend.

I walked towards the door and I glanced back at Adam.

"Goodbye," I whispered to him. "I'm sorry, Adam." I reached for the doorknob.

"Court?" I heard Adam ask. "Where are you going?" I froze, like a deer in headlights, with my hand inches from the doorknob.

Friday, January 15, 2010

Fast-Talking Friday

Hola, guys!

How was your week? Do you guys have any weekend plans?

I've been meaning to ask you guys for recommendations for places to travel. It can be as far away or as close, I'd love to hear about your travel experience.

I got back from San Diego on Monday. It was a blast for the most part. I'd have to say that the zoo was the best part. The most memorable experience I had was feeding Silver the giraffe. If you get a chance to visit San Diego, they offer giraffe feeding on Saturdays and Sundays between 12pm and 1pm. It's $5 for 3 dog treat looking biscuits. Apparently, giraffes love that stuff.

Also, they have panda viewings! The two sister pandas are available pretty much the whole day, but the new baby panda is only available from 9am to 11:30am (everyday, I think). I only caught a glimpse of the baby panda (it fell off a tree and ran to its' mama for comfort), but it was adorable!

The rest of my trip was not so interesting, but I think I've learned alot about myself. Honestly, I don't think that I could endure living in dorms or in an apartment with 4 other girls. Does anyone have any input about this? I feel like I'm crazy for saying this.

Well, that about wraps it up. Please remember to comment on your recommended places to travel or even a place that you want to travel to one day. It'll be much appriciated!

Happy Friday!

Wednesday, January 13, 2010

Beautiful Disaster

Oh my god. I couldn't believe it. Logan cheated on me with Haylie. How did that happen? I didn't know how long I had been wandering aimlessly. I did the only thing I could think of, I called Adam. He answered on the first ring.

"I need you," I told him.

"Hold on, I'll be right there." he said. "Where are you?"

I wasn't sure where I was. I was pretty sure that I was in one of the backroads. It was really dark, so I continued walking until I saw a street sign. I relayed the information back to Adam.

"I'll be there in a little bit," he said, softly.

Ever since we were little, Adam has been there for me. I remember back in 2nd grade when Jimmy Damon had hit me in the face with the kickball. I was really upset because I knew that he had done it on purpose. He was irritated at me because I wouldn't give him my cookie. He had been picking on me for the past week and I couldn't put up with it anymore. I was completely bawling. Adam was there to comfort me.

Adam had gotten into a fight with Jimmy on the playground. Imagine two little scrawny kids going at each other. There was a lot of tackling and yanking with a lot of shouting. Adam got elbowed in the nose and ended up with a bloody nose. The teachers broke up the fight and Adam was suspended for 5 days. Although he had never said it out loud, I knew he had gotten into that fight for me. I had really appriciated him for it.

I heard tires screeching. I looked up and recognized Adam's car. The car screeched to a stop and drivers' door flung opened. Adam came rushing over to me.

"You must me freezing, Courtney!" he exclaimed. He ripped off his jacket and wrapped it around me.

He had gotten here in less than 5 minutes. He must have broken a few laws to get here that fast. He lived about 15 minutes away.

"I don't want to be here right now." I said, shakily.

"Ok, we can drive around," he said. He opened the passenger door for me. I climbed in and put the seatbeat on.

I sat in his car as he circled the neighborhood next to where he lived. He didn't say a word to me. He didn't ask questions, he didn't talk, he didn't turn the radio on. He knew that I needed the silence. That's the thing about Adam, he always knew what I needed.

"It's getting cold," he said. It was getting a bit chilly in the car. I hadn't noticed it until now. "Let's go in the house." I nodded.

We went into his house. I sat down on his couch and took off my jacket. I set it down next to me.

"Where are your parents?" I asked him. "At work?"

"Yeah," he yelled from the kitchen. I heard him make his way back into the living room. I looked up and saw him carrying a bottle of liquor and two shot glasses.

"I thought you might need a drink, I know I do." he said. He took a seat next to me.

I debated with myself as to whether or not to take a drink. I have never had any alcohol before, now was a good as time as any. Maybe it will help me get over the betrayal I felt. Besides, I was drinking with Adam. I'd trust him with my life.

"Sure," I told him. "Pour me one."

I downed the shot. I loved the warmness that the liquor brought. I loved the feeling as it went down my throat and into my body. One shot turned into two. Two turned into three. I lost count of how many shots I have had.

"I don't know what to do," I told him. He was silent. I don't know if he understood a single word I was saying, I was slurring my words alittle.

"If he doesn't appriciate you for who you are, then he is an idiot," he said. "You are the most amazing person in the world, any guy would be lucky to have you."

Before I knew it, Adam and I were all over each other. He looked so warm and comforting. He looked so inviting. I don't remember who kissed who, but his kisses were heavenly. Pretty soon he was lifting me upstairs into his room.

I knew where this was leading to, but I couldn't stop. Everything felt so good, so right.

Monday, January 11, 2010

Big Girls Don't Cry

*I really made a mistake and I think the best way to resolve the confusion that some people are having is to keep this post up. I honestly thought that I caught it early enough so that no one had read this, but to those who have already read it, I'm really sorry that this is repetitive. So, fast forward a couple of weeks. I'm really sorry, guys :(*

I threw my phone onto the bed. I couldn't believe that he had cancelled on me again. It was the third time this week. I was so irritated with him. I knew that he had to work so he could buy another car. That was understandable, but he has been called in to work so many times that I'm starting to miss my boyfriend. He has been working everyday this week.

I decided that since I was all dressed up, I would go over to Haylie's house to have a girl's night and to have that much needed talk. I grabbed my coat and made my way over to Haylie's house.

I tried to blow off some steam by walking. I was starting to feel like I came second to his job. It seemed like the coffeeshop was more important to him than I was. I was starting to feel like we moved too fast in our relationship and that our spark was dying.

Our phone conversations lasted for less than 3 minutes, sometimes they were just 30 second calls. We talked about the same things over and over again, talking about the past. In a single phone conversation, we said "I love you" about 15 times because we have nothing else to say. I don't know if Logan felt the same way I did.

I arrived at Haylie's house. I was going to use my key to open the door when I spotted Logan sitting in the living room.

I thought he was at work, why was he at Haylie's house?

I hid behind the bush that was in front of the window. The window was slightly open and I could hear everything that was going on inside. I took a little peek inside.

I saw Haylie walk into the living room. She was carrying two mugs and handed one to Logan.

"Thanks, babe," he said. "I love you."

I thought my ears were playing tricks on me. Did Logan just say "I love you" to Haylie?

Haylie sat down on the couch next to him and snuggled against him."I love you too, baby," she said. "I don't know how much longer I can hide our relationship from Courtney."

I can't believe that I didn't see this coming. Logan was acting distant for the last couple of weeks, ever since our anniversery. I can't believe this. It hasn't even been three months yet. I strained my ears to hear Logan's response.

"I thought we talked about this, Haylie," he said. "I'm trying to find a good time to tell her. I love you, not her. I love making love to you and being with you.

"I felt like throwing up. I can't believe this is happening. This isn't happening.

"I love it too," she said, giggling. She climbed on him and I almost threw up in the bushes. "But it's been almost a month since we've been together. The guilt is eating away at me. She is my best friend and I tell her everything. I don't think I can keep this from her anymore."

I felt like passing out. Haylie was dead to me. You can't just steal my boyfriend and expect everything to stay the same. I just couldn't listen anymore. I left.

I Can't Hate You Anymore

"Logan, what are you doing here?" I asked him. "I don't want to see you."

Adam had slinked away and hid around the corner, motioning that he will be here if I needed him. I knew that he wanted to kick Logan out of his house, but I think that he knows that we have to talk.

"I came here to apologize to you, babe," he told me. He looked sincerely sorry. "I don't know what came over me and I promise that it will never happen again. I'm sorry that I ruined our anniversary, Court."

I was silent. I loved that he cared enough to come here and apologize to me. It just showed that he is remorseful about what he did. I was kind of scared now. If he could snap once, he could snap again. I don't want this to happen over and over again.

"Do you love me?" I asked him.

"Yes, I do," he said, quickly.

"Then here's the deal," I said. "I'm not ready to take the next step with you right now. I'll let you know when I'm ready. Right now, I need some time to clear my head. I don't want this to keep happening again and again."

"I completely understand that you don't want to see me right now," he told me. "I feel horrible for ruining our anniversary. Please let me make it up to you. Please? So you don't hate me?"

He looked like a little boy begging his parents for a new toy. I was heartbroken. I loved him and I didn't like seeing him like this. I don't hate him. He made a mistake and I think I should give him another chance. People make mistakes. I sighed.

"I don't hate you," I said. "You can make it up to me."

His smile said everything. It was adorable how much a couple of words could make him so happy. I really hoped that I made the right decision.

"Great," he said, grinning. "How about now?" I shrugged.

"Why not?" I said, smiling weakly. I could see Adam's disapproving stare as we left his house.

Saturday, January 9, 2010


I was bombarded by texts and phone calls by Logan. He kept telling me how sorry he was and how much he loved me. I don't know why he wasn't getting my hint. I was trying to ignore him, but I kept getting a text message every 2 minutes. I was started to get so annoyed that I turned my phone off. I sighed.

My first instinct was to go over to Haylie's house and tell her everything that happened, but I can't do that. We're not speaking. I really don't want to talk to her. I have a feeling why she got into drugs, but I really have no proof. I don't think I could move past this fact, so I'm going to be a coward and just avoid her.

I settled for Adam. I went over to his house. He invited me into his house and I settled into the kitchen as he made me a cup of tea. I told him everything that happened between Logan and I.

"I'm going to kill him!" Adam shouted, enraged by Logan's actions. "Did he hurt you?"

"No, you can't!" I protested. "He didn't hurt me. He loves me."

"Do you hear yourself?" he asked me. "You're defending a guy who pushed himself onto you. If you hadn't left, who knows what would have happened? You sound like one of those girls who stay with their abusive boyfriends. You're not staying with him, are you?"

That was a good question. I really didn't know whether or not I wanted to stay with him because of what happened. I do love him, but I don't want this to happen over and over again. Adam had a point, I shouldn't be defending Logan.

"I don't know," I admitted.

The doorbell rang and Adam went to answer the door. I heard voices talking and then a yell. The next thing I knew, Logan was bursting through the kitchen door.

"Court, I'm sorry!" he said.

Friday, January 8, 2010

Fast-Talking Friday

Hey guys!

Happy New Year!

I just realized that my last week's Fast-Talking Friday didn't post. Oh well, it wasn't anything important. It was just about my Vancouver trip. I'll just give a recap. Ducks eat chicken. Canadian rockies are pretty. The McDonalds there is SO much better here! It snowed when I was there! Sorry if that didn't make any sense, I'm hyper off of too much soda!

I'm currently in San Diego. I have been bored out of my mind for the last two days because my friend that I'm staying with is having a major freak out about Physics. Her apartmentmates are super cool! I don't know why she has problems with them. But, I've been on facebook playing Restaurant City for the last two days. It's such a great game! I've also been watching Gilmore Girls too.

It just sucks because my boyfriend has been whining. He really wants me to come home. He doesn't see the point in my trip because I haven't done anything constructive for a couple of days. But, I've learned a couple of things.

1) The quarter system is WAY too intense for me.

2) The weather in San Diego is really nice.

3) NY cheesecake frozen yogurt is delicious.

4) DO NOT become an engineering major at UCSD

5) Having an apartment is really nice.

How was your guys' week? What did you guys do for New Years and for the holidays? I asked this in my non-posted Fast-Talking Friday last week. (Sorry if you guys are sick of answering these questions!)

Have a GREAT weekend! =]

Oh, last thing! Sorry guys, I accidently set a post for today because it's further along in the story, so when you click on the link, it won't show anything. I didn't catch it until now. Sorry for my mistake!

Wednesday, January 6, 2010

Not That Kinda Girl

Logan and I made it to our two month anniversery. I wasn't really excited about it. I didn't want to go to out to eat. I was too worn out from all the stress lately and Logan knew that. He was sweet enough to understand. He had decided to have us stay in his house. I had to go home after school to change into something nice for Logan.

I couldn't find anything in my closet that was special enough for the occasion. I ended up borrowing a cute pink dress from Brittany. I paired it with a gorgeous pair of diamond earrings that I got for my 16th birthday and a pair of black heels. Logan came and picked me up in his dad's car. I went outside and he opened the passenger door for me. He's such a sweetheart. Before I knew it, we were at his house.

He welcomed me inside and lit the candles that he had placed in the dining room.

"Hang on, let me get the food ready," he said as he was sitting me down.

"Ok, honey," I said, smiling. He left, leaving me alone in the dining room. It was silent in his house. The only noises I heard were the noises that were coming from his kitchen. I didn't know what to do with my hands and I kept fidgeting with my phone. I finally just stood up and went into the kitchen to see if Logan needed help. I popped my head into the kitchen. "Do you need any help?" He looked up, surprised to see me.

"No, go back in the dining room," he said. "I want it to be a surprise." I sat back down on the chair and continued to fidget with my phone. He came out 10 minutes later with our dinner. He had made salad, lasagna, baked potato, and a cheesecake. He is such an amazing chef. We took our time eating our dinner, talking to each other about the most randomest things.

After dinner, we retreated to the living room to watch a movie. He popped in the movie 50 First Dates and we snuggled on the couch. We started kissing and things got a little hot and heavy. His hand was inching his way up my dress. I pushed his hand away.

"No, Logan, I don't want to," I told him. He kissed my neck.

"Come on, Court," he whispered into my ear. He reached for the zipper on the back of my dress.

"No!" I told him, sternly. I pushed him away and got off the couch. "I don't want to have sex with you!"

"It's our anniversary!" he exclaimed, throwing his hands in the air.

"I don't care if it's our anniversary, I don't want to have sex," I said, annoyed. "I'm not ready."

"I made dinner for you!" he almost shouted. I could see that he was getting angry.

"I don't care if you made dinner for me, I don't want to!" I exclaimed.

"You owe me!" he shouted.

"I don't owe you anything, Logan!" I yelled. "I'm leaving." I got my stuff and walked out the door.

Monday, January 4, 2010

This Time

After the whole kitchen incident, the dinner went by relatively smoothly. I devoured almost all of the deviled eggs and shrimp cocktail. Mrs. Smith made the best deviled eggs and shrimp cocktail. It was really an enjoyable dinner.

We retreated to the living room to watch a movie to kill time before the countdown. I caught Adam's eye and pointed upstairs to his room. He nodded and slipped away quietly. I did the same a couple of minutes later. I snuck up the stairs and went into his room.

"What's up?" he asked me.

"Your mom thinks we're dating," I told him, bluntly.

I didn't want to sugarcoat this situation. I was quite frankly tired of all of the drama. I feel like it's slowly killing me on the inside. It was depressing to think about, yet deal with my drama and everyone else's drama.

"Oh, that," he said, shrugging.

I started to get angry. How could he just shake it off as if it was nothing? How long has she been thinking that we've been dating? Why does she think this?

Honestly, I've never had feelings for Adam. Never in all the years that I've known him. He's a nice guy, but I really don't see myself with him. I know everything about him- all of his deepest darkest secrets and his fears. I really find it ridiculous that people can't comprehend that guys and girls can be just friends.

"Oh, that?" I asked, angrily. "Yes, that!"

He sighed. He knew that I was going to explode on him. He knows me just as well as I know him.

"My mom is crazy," he said. "You know that."

"Yeah, but-" I started to say.

"No buts," he said. "She's been assuming that we've been dating since we were freshmen."

"And you did nothing to convince her otherwise?" I asked him, shocked.

"Believe me, I've tried," he said, smirking. "Who wants to date you?" I playfully pushed him.

"Shut up," I said, smiling. "You'd love to date me." He made a face at me.

"Right," he said, laughing.

Sunday, January 3, 2010

Here Comes The New Year

New Years Day came and there was good news. Uncle Mark was becoming more and more responsive. He still couldn't speak to us, but he could mouth words to us. He could move his hands and fingers more fluently than before. With each day the color in his face came back, he was no longer a sickly pale color. Even though he still couldn't eat and drink, I was extremely relieved that he was recovering so well. The big problem is: he couldn't move his legs. He was doing well for a person who's been in the hospital for over 2 weeks and hopefully they will transfer him to a closer hospital.

My mom felt that he was healthy enough that we could leave the hospital and celebrate New Years. Our New Year's tradition was to go over and have dinner at Adam's house and watch the countdown in New York. It was a big tradition of ours since we were little kids.

After the long drive back, I immediately went to charge my phone. I hadn't brought my charger and I had conserved as much battery as I could. Sadly, my phone had eventually died. I realized that I had numerous text messages and missed calls. They were from Haylie, Logan, Justin, Sarah, and Henry asking if I was ok, telling me how worried they were about me, and sending good thoughts to Uncle Mark. I texted Logan back to make plans for our two month anniversary.

I smiled. I didn't know that they cared this much about me. I guess when bad times come to one of us, we all band together. That sounded really cheesy, I know. It's true. Taylor even came up to the hospital to visit Uncle Mark. I don't even think Uncle Mark has met Taylor, but it was a really kind gesture. I think this friends thing is going to work.

I quickly took a shower. I changed into a red dress and slipped on my favorite pair of black pumps. New Years was one of my favorite times of the year. I loved saying "out with the old and in with the new". I finished curling my hair and went downstairs to wait for the rest of my family.

20 minutes later, we were on our way to Adam's house. We were each dressed up for the dinner party. My dad was in his suit, my mom in her cocktail dress, and my sister in a strapless dress. When we arrived, Adam was outside waiting for us.

"Come in," he said, ushering us through the door. He pulled me off to the side. "I'm glad you came, Court." I smiled.

"Why wouldn't I?" I asked, laughing. "It's a tradition!"

"Well, I thought, with everything going on-" he started to say.

"He's doing a lot better now," I said, cutting him off. I didn't want to be reminded of something I didn't want to be reminded of. "Let's go before they wonder where we went." He nodded.

We went into the dining room and everyone was already seated. Adam took a seat next to Brittany. Mrs. Smith told us that the food will take us a minute.

"I'm going to go help her," I said. I went into the kitchen. "Is there anything that I can do to help?" Mrs. Smith looked up and smiled.

"You're such a sweetheart," she said. "I'm glad Adam's found a nice girl like you to be with. Can you help bring out the food?"

I didn't know what to say. I was completely shocked. Adam's mom thinks we're dating.

"Uh, Mrs. Smith, we're just friends," I managed to say.

"Right," she said, winking at me.

Oh, boy.

Saturday, January 2, 2010

Note: Post will be up tomorrow

Hey guys.

I am so sorry! I completely passed out from exaustion from the trip and I have yet to pack for San Diego. I promise to have the post up tomorrow. I hope you guys understand.