Wednesday, March 31, 2010

Bye Bye Bye

I gasped in surprise. I couldn't have heard him right. He couldn't have possibly asked me to choose between him and Adam. I stared at Taylor, speechless.

"Wh-wh-what?" I stuttered. This is a dream. I can wake up now. Time to wake up, Courtney! This isn't happening! I was in denial with what I had just heard.

"You heard me, Court, I want you to choose either me or Adam," Taylor said, firmly. "I don't trust him around you. I think he's going to worm his way back into your life and then try to ruin the relationship that we're trying to have. He ruined our relationship last time, Court, and I want to fall in love with you again. So, please, just cut him out of your life. For me. For our relationship."

I was silent, trying to take in what he was saying.

"Taylor, Adam and I are just friends," I told him, patting his hand. "Baby, I only love him as a friend and nothing more. But with you, I could see myself falling in love with you again. Please don't make me choose." The last part came out as a whisper.

He shook his head no.

"I'm sorry, Court," he said. "You have to choose."

One look at his face and you could tell that he was serious about this. I could see that it pained him as much as it did for me. Instantly, the tears swelled in my eyes. I couldn't believe that he was making me choose. A tear slid down my cheek.

"I.." I said, my voice trailing off.

How was I supposed to choose between my best friend since preschool and my boyfriend who I know I can definitely see a future with? They're both equally important to me. They're both great guys. Adam is a great listener and he knows me inside and out. Dispite the issues we have now, I know we can work past them and move on. Taylor is just a really sweet guy who will drop everything he's doing for me. Even though I'm busy with work and with school, he's so understanding and patient. No matter how you break it down, it comes down to either friendship or possibly love.

"I can't," I whispered, with tears streaming down my face. "You're both important to me." Taylor sighed. He pulled his hand away from mine.

"I'm sorry, Court," he said, sadly. He looked at me. "I can't do this with him in the picture." He stood up.

I couldn't let him go. It broke my heart to watch him leave me. I couldn't let him end our relationship. I cared about him so much. I jumped up and grabbed his arm.

"No, Taylor, don't go," I told him, crying. "I choose you!"

Tuesday, March 30, 2010

Note: Vacation Plans Heads Up

It might be a little too early to be giving a notice, but I'd rather give a heads up waaay in advance rather than last minute.

So! I will officially be flying to Rhode Island to go to Connecticut (I'm not quite sure which city I'll be in, but it'll be an adventure!) to visit my uncle. It was originally New York, but I found out my grandmother is moving to Connecticut to help out my uncle with his baby. I'm so excited! A little sad that I'm not going to Times Square, but excited! My plane stops in Chicago on the way back! I've always wanted to go to Chicago! I realize that it's the airport, but I'm still excited!

Yes, I find it odd that I don't know which city my uncle lives in, but in my defense, he's really an introvert. He didn't even tell my mother (his older sister) that he got married or had a baby on the way! It wasn't really in that order, but we have baby Isabella, so it doesn't really matter. :) That and he's been with the woman I've always called my aunt for over 10 years. (I think I've mentioned this before in one of my posts?)

So, all the rambling aside, from May 29th and June 14th I'll be in Connecticut. I'm not quite sure how it'll affect the posting schedule. I'll know more as we get closer. I'll see if there is wireless internet or if I can write up extra posts or do both. So, I just wanted to give you guys a heads up. :)

Happy Tuesday!

Monday, March 29, 2010


I stood there for a second, dazed. My mind was going a million miles a minute. Should I go after him and apologize? Should I just let him cool down first? If I go after him, what do I say? Will he even listen to me? He seemed really upset, even though he took my words out of context.


I didn't even think that he would get upset over the fact that I went over to Adam's. He told me that he didn't care about Adam. The nagging voice in my head popped up. But you know what he meant, Court. Remember? He asked you if they were going to stay in your past? You nodded? He meant that he didn't care about Adam as long as he was in your past.

I knew that the nagging voice in my head was right. I knew what I had to do. I really hoped that it was the right decision.

I ran downstairs as fast as I humanly could. I barely caught Taylor as he was pulling out of the driveway.

"No, Taylor, stop!" I yelled, waving my arms wildly in the air. I looked like a complete idiot, but I didn't care as long as I caught his attention. "Please! We need to talk!" I caught my neighbor two doors down, looking at me strangely, out of the corner of my eye. I ignored him and continued shouting at Taylor to stop.

Luckily, his window was open and he heard me yelling at him. Surprisingly, he pulled the car back into my driveway. He parked the car and got out. His face was flushed with anger.

"Oh, I'm so glad you came back, I would have chased you down the street," I joked, trying to lighten the mood. Taylor's face remained unchanged. I wasn't sure how to handle this situation. I've never seen Taylor this angry before. I noticed my neighbor was still staring at us. "Let's go inside and talk, ok, honey?"

He gave me a slight nod and followed me inside the house. I managed to shoot the neighbor a "mind your own business" look before going inside. I sat him down on the couch and took his hand in mine.

"Listen, Taylor, I care about you a lot," I told him, gently. I didn't want to anger him any more than he already was. "I'm sorry about what I said, honey, I didn't mean it the way it came out. What I was trying to say that Adam and I have been friends for such a long time that it's more of a habit than anything else for me to go to him during a time of need. It's not that I can't come to you to talk or that I don't feel comfortable around you, because I do, it's just habit."

Taylor was silent. I couldn't tell what he was thinking. I bit my lip nervously, waiting for him to say something. Anything.

"I want you to choose, Courtney," he told me, breaking his silence. "It has to be me.. or him."

Saturday, March 27, 2010

No No No

It was hard coming home with my dad not being there. I know that it wasn't too big of a change since I didn't really see him around when he did live here, but now, it just feels weird knowing that he doesn't live here. I don't think I'm making any sense. I sighed.

Talking with Adam helped a little bit. It was nice to just cry on his shoulder, just like old times. We both know that we still have issues to work out and we're going to work on it little by little. Baby steps until we can find a good place to be in our relationship.

It bothered me a little that he automatically jumped to the conclusion that it was somehow Taylor's fault for my tears. I really just hope that it was his overprotective side showing. I don't want to push the issue and start any more arguments. I'm probably reading too much into it anyways.

Brittany had called Taylor and asked him to come over to make sure I was ok.

"Are you ok, Court?" he asked me after I told him what was going on.

"Yeah," I said. I wasn't ok, but I didn't want to admit it. "There was something I wanted to tell you."

"Sure," he said, smiling encouragingly. "You can tell me anything."

"After my parents told me of the news, I kind of ran away," I told him. "To Adam's." I saw the color drain from his face when I said Adam's name.

"Oh," Taylor said. "What happened?"

"Nothing, I swear!" I said, quickly. "All we did was talk about my parents and I cried on his shoulder a little bit." Taylor looked a little angry at the information.

"You should have came to me," he grumbled. "I'm your boyfriend, not him."

"I know you're my boyfriend, Taylor," I told him, trying to keep my tone even-tempered. "But, Adam is my friend. He's been my friend all of this time and I can go to him for anything." Taylor looked even angrier from hearing what I said.

"You can go to me for anything!" he told me, trying not to yell. Him practically yelling at me sparked my anger.

"I know that!" I said, angrily. "I don't know, Taylor, I'm just more comfortable talking to Adam." I stopped after I realized what I had said. It came out completely wrong.

"No, no, no," I said, as I tried to backtrack. "What I mean is-"

"Why don't you make him your boyfriend then?" Taylor said, cutting me off. He stormed off and slammed my bedroom door behind him.

Friday, March 26, 2010

Fast-Talking Friday

Hi guys!

It's another Friday! TGIF! How are you guys? Do you have any plans this weekend? :-)

For me, it's SPRING BREAK! So my week will be consisting of a wildly insane time of working ahead on my papers and projects and all that good stuff. Oh well, I'm not really a partying gal anyways. I've learned that being in a relationship creates a limited amount of things that you can do. It doesn't really help that I'm more adventurous than my boyfriend is. It's too bad that I have to compromise and I can't just have my way. Men should just listen to women all the time! Kidding! But how great would that be? You can go: "Clean your mess!" and he'll answer: "Ok, honey, whatever you say! I'll get on it! I'll even pick up the dry cleaning and make dinner for you!", in a perfect world, right? :)

In the news!

I read somewhere today that a 13 year old boy goes to college and is being denied to go to South Africa, which is part of one of his class on his 4 year plan. It's crazy! He learned to read at age 2 or 3 and was reading Harry Potter at age 4. I don't remember what I was doing at age four, but I was NOT reading Harry Potter or anything at that reading level. It amazes me how gifted some people are. I mean, he wants to get his PhD by age 22! Anyways, the story was about the university denying him permission to go (even with his mother's permission and her volunteering to accompany him at her own expense) and I think it said that they're filing an age discrimination suit against the school. The school policy about studying abroad is you have to have at least a 2.0 and not be on acedemic probation or probation. The kid has a 3.9 overall GPA. The school's defense is: it is a safety issue. So..

Do you guys think that he should be allowed to travel abroad? He has road tripped cross-country with his mother and travelled overseas with his mother alot. She also volunteered to go with him at her own expense. He meets the school's requirement to travel abroad. Should he be allowed to go or is he too young?

There's also the new healthcare bill that passed a couple of days ago. I'm not too informed about it, but if someone is and would like to share, that would be welcomed! I don't particularly understand the bill, I'm a little confused with the things I have heard. But, I would like to say that it may be a sensitive topic for some people and a not so sensitive topic for others. I just don't want anyone to step on anyone's toes.

I'd like to end the news portion of this Fast-Talking Friday by talking about The Hills coming to an end. Yes, the show that has brought us Heidi and Spencer is coming to a close and I cannot be more happier. I refused to watch it after Lauren left. For some reason, that "reality" show was really addicting, even though I really thought that there was no substance behind what the cast was saying half the time. Also, the new after-plastic-sugery Heidi kind of scares me. I'm not sure why she decided to have what-was-it? 10 surgeries in one day? But it just scares me when someone THAT young ( I think she's 22/23?) to have that much plastic surgery done. It must be all in my head though and it's perfect normal or something.

So, this concludes the convo on this lovely Friday!

Have an excellent weekend guys! :)

I'm sorry that this is so long!

Wednesday, March 24, 2010


I don't know how long we stood at the doorway, but it felt like an eternity. The tears flowed like water. My tears soaked through the T-shirt Adam was wearing. I couldn't control the sobs that escaped my mouth. As hard as I tried, I couldn't stop myself from looking like a fool. I finally regained some composure and took a couple deep breaths. I sniffled and pulled myself away.

"I'm sorry," I told him, still sniffling. He pulled me into a hug and kissed my forehead.

"Don't be sorry," he said, softly. "I'm always here for you, Court."

I attempted a smile, but I couldn't muster it. He pulled me gently into the house and sat me down in the living room. He immediately brought me a cup of my favorite green tea to help calm me down. I took a small sip and I couldn't help but start to relax. The aroma of the tea was extremely calm and soothing.

"Feeling better?" he asked me, worriedly.

"The tea helped, thanks," I said.

"Good, I'm glad," he said.

I was surprised to find that it wasn't awkward to talk to Adam. It brought me hope that we could go back to normal as friends.

Adam cleared his throat.

"What happened, Court?" he asked me. He began to interrogate me.

"Was it Taylor? Did he hurt you? Did you find him with another girl? Whatever it is, I'll kill him if he hurt you, Court." His voice laced with anger. I shook my head no. I almost burst out laughing at how he assumed that it was Taylor. He was acting like his old overprotective self again.

"No, it wasn't Taylor," I told him. I took a deep breath. "My parents are separating." He pulled me into his arms.

"Oh, I'm sorry, Court," he said, sympathetically. "I know that everyone is going to tell you this, but, it'll be ok. Really. I'm sure that your parents will be able to work everything out."

"I hope so," I told him. He held me in his arms in silence. I was emotionally drained and rested my head on him. We had a nice moment going on until Adam ruined it with a question I didn't want to hear.

"Why didn't you go to Taylor's?" he asked me.

"I don't know, Adam," I whispered, softly. "I don't know."

Monday, March 22, 2010

Need You Now

I couldn't tell you where my parent's marriage went wrong. I didn't see any warning signs. There weren't any arguments, there weren't any physical altercations, there wasn't any abuse (emotional or physical). I couldn't understand why my dad was moving out of the house. Everything seemed fine yesterday, everything seemed fine this morning. I thought that we were a perfectly happy family, but I guess I was wrong.

I was too scared to ask them what went wrong. I didn't think it was my place to ask. I was only their daughter. I'm not even an adult. Even knowing what did go wrong, I knew that I couldn't fix it. It was their problems and I shouldn't get involved with the already fragile situation.

Brittany and I looked at each other. She looked how I felt. I felt completely empty inside, like a part of me had died. I took another look at my sister. Her face was completely white and tears were forming in her eyes. I stood up and looked my dad right in the eye.

"I got into BU," I told him. The words hung in the air. There was silence that I've never encountered. I left without saying another word.

I heard Brittany shouting after me, but I ignored her cries. I knew I had to get out of here. I had to get out of the house. I had to leave and forget everything that happened.

I drove around town aimlessly, paying no attention to where I was going.

I blamed myself for my parents' separation. If I had been a better student, this wouldn't have happened. If I had been more outgoing, this wouldn't have happened. If I wasn't so lazy or ungrateful, this wouldn't have happened. If I had been a better daughter, this wouldn't have happened.

I was surprised with where I had ended up, in the driveway of Adam's house. I didn't care that we weren't exactly speaking, I needed my best friend.

I rang his doorbell and held my breath. He had every right to turn me away. I knew that I had to try. He was always there for me when things got bad. He was the person I went to when things go wrong. He was the only person who can make me feel better.

It felt like an eternity had passed before Adam opened the door. At this point, I couldn't hold my tears in anymore. Adam did what Adam did best. He held me in his arms as I cried, whispering into my ear that everything will be alright.

Saturday, March 20, 2010

There Are No Words

Adam hadn't texted me back. I wasn't going to worry about it. The most important thing was that I reached out and tried to get our friendship back to normal. If he wasn't going to make an effort, that was fine. I had much more important things to do than to stress over whether or not he was going to text me back.

I realized that I've been working too hard lately. It was really difficult to balance school, work, and being in a relationship. Taylor was being really amazing and patient with me, but I'm not sure how long that patience would last. I tried to make it up to him by suggesting that I take Spring Break off from work so we could spend some much needed time together. He jumped at the idea in a heartbeat.

I pulled out a big envelope out of my backpack and stared at it. I pulled out the official-looking paper that told me that I had been accepted to Beachside University. I've been hiding the envelope for a couple of weeks, I haven't told anyone the news yet. I wanted to sort out my mixed feelings before I told anyone. I'm not sure if college is right for me anymore.

Going to school and hearing people talk about which college they got into and where they wanted to go was nerve racking for me. All of the people I've talked to were really excited to leave home, live on-campus, and experience the college life. Every time someone talked about college, I would clam up and slink into the background.

I sighed and hid the envelope once again. It was a good thing because mere seconds later, Brittany barged into my room.

"Hey, sis, Mom and Dad want to have a family meeting," she told me.

"Any idea why?" I asked her. She shook her head no. "How weird, must be important."

We went downstairs and sat down in the living room, waiting for my parents to talk to us. We didn't have to wait too long before my parents walked in, my mom carrying a plate of chocolate chip cookies. I instantly knew that this was going to be bad. She only brought cookies to the family meetings where there was going to be bad news.

I remember when I was five, my mom told me that our goldfish Bubbles died. When I was 12, my mom told me that my parents had decided to go into business and they would have to start spending less time at home. When I was 14, my mom told me that we might be moving to Las Vegas. Thank goodness that never happened. Cookies during a family meeting was a bad thing.

Brittany noticed the cookies also and shot me a look. I shrugged my shoulders and grabbed a cookie. She reluctantly took one also.

"Girls, your dad and I have some news," my mom said, looking at my dad to continue. She looked unsure of whether or not to tell us.

"I'm not sure how to tell you girls this, but your mom and I are separating," he said with an incredible look of sadness on his face.

Friday, March 19, 2010

Fast-Talking Friday

Hey guys!

I just celebrated my year and a half anniversary with my boyfriend yesterday. It's kind of weird to be in a relationship that long when you're in your first year of college, but I've knew a couple who have been together for almost 6 years and they're the same age as me. It's crazy!

I love the idea of finding "the one", getting married, and growing old together, which brings me into the topic I had in mind for today. Infidelity.

We've all heard about Tiger Woods (most of us have heard, at least) and his sex scandal with various women, including a porn star who recently put up a website and posted the "alleged" sex text messages between her and Tiger.

Now, it is rumored that Jesse James had an affair. He had apologized to his wife, Sandra Bullock, but didn't admit to the public that an infidelity had occured.

So, I want to get your perspective on why some people cheat (both men and women). Why do you think that some people can't settle down with just person for the rest of their lives? I'm curious to see what you guys think because, personally, I don't understand the mindset of those people. For me, it's like.. get a divorce or break up beforehand. I don't know. It'd be interesting to get your input. :)

Anyways, Happy Friday, guys! Have an awesome weekend! :D

Wednesday, March 17, 2010

Make You Feel Better

My jaw dropped. I was in denial. I couldn't believe it. Zoey and Cody? No way. I just couldn't picture them together. I mean, she's gorgeous and could have any guy she wanted, but.. he's just so sketchy. He was totally inappropriate for canoodling with Haylie in the stockroom where Zoey could see or hear them. Not knowing how to respond, I stayed silent. Zoey looked at me oddly.

"Sorry, I'm still in shock," I told her, apologetically. "It's just weird that you were with someone like him."

"He didn't use to be like that," Zoey said sadly. "I mean, we were together for over 3 years. We were high school sweethearts and I don't know what happened. I thought everything was going well and that everything was fine. He showered me with attention and was just incredibly sweet. I mean, he came here to work with me in November so we could spend a little bit more time together. I honestly thought that we would get married one day."

"What happened?" I asked her. A tear rolled down her cheek and I handed her a tissue. She smiled and took it.

"I don't know," she told me. "I think it was the day of your orientation when he texted me to tell me that he wanted to see other people. I still don't know why he decided to break it off. I know I've been busy with school and with work and everything, but I tried to put an equal amount of effort into our relationship." She sniffled.

"Oh, hun," I told her, sympathetically. "It'll be ok. Totally overused, but, there are plenty of fish in the sea. You're going to find someone better than Cody. He doesn't deserve you."

"It just hurts right now," she admitted. "I can't believe that he had sex in the stockroom of where we both worked with a girl he barely met. Did he even consider how I would feel? How I would react? Obviously not. I'm glad I yelled at him. He needed to know what he did was not ok. I think that he realized that we're both 19 years old and in college. He's a guy and he's in a fraternity. I wouldn't be surprised if the reason why he broke up with me is because he saw all the freedom his brothers have because they aren't in a relationship. He just wants to screw random chicks at parties, in my opinion."

"Well, do you want to report him to Jasmine?" I asked her. "He would get fired for sure. You won't have to see him around every time you come into work and you won't have to feel awkward here at work."

"I can't do that," Zoey said, her voice sad again. "Even though he broke my heart, I still love him."

"I understand," I told her. And I really did, I felt the exact same way about Taylor when he had broken up with me. It took me a very long time to get over the betrayal and learn to trust a guy again. Then came Logan, which wasn't really a big improvement, but I had trusted him and he had broken my trust. Now, I trust Taylor, but I'm still keeping an eye on him.

"We learn from our mistakes and experiences," I told her. "This is just a bump in the road, everything will be ok."

"I know, but I still want to be friends with him even though he broke my heart and I think I need to be the bigger person and reach out to him," she said. sighing. "I'm going to go to the restroom and freshen up. Thanks, Court, for trying to make me feel better." Zoey left me alone at the front of the store.

I thought about what she said and I took out my phone.

Adam, we need to talk.

And I pressed send.

Monday, March 15, 2010

State of Shock

The next couple days were awkward. Haylie was brushing me off. I had grown used to having her follow me around and, now, all hopes of rekindling our friendship had gone up in smoke. She didn't have to say all those things about me and I had tried to apologize for "outing" her in front of Cody and Zoey, but she wouldn't listen to me.

On top of that, Cody was acting extremely weird. When I tried to talk to him, he would just mumble one word answers or say "excuse me" and walk away. When he was scheduled to work with Haylie, he would stay all the way across the store doing something else. He would find an excuse to be away from her. "Go backs? I'll do them!", "Bring out stock? You got it!", "Dust the fixtures? Great!", I think Jasmine is sensing that something was up.

Surprisingly, Zoey and I were becoming friends. It turns out that she's actually a really cool person with a really weird sense of humor. I was chatting with her yesterday before I got off of work and I thought she was amazing. She's a first year at Beachside University majoring in Psychology. I was surprised to learn that she is the night manager of Bella and has been working here since she was 16.

"So, I'm sorry that I was rude during orientation," Zoey said with guilt written all over her face.

"Oh, it's ok, no worries," I said, sincerely. We had talked about what happened with Cody and Haylie and I wasn't sure if we should report them to Jasmine or not. I didn't want anyone to get fired because of me.

Then I saw Taylor pulling up to pick me up for our one-month anniversary date. We had planned a nice evening cuddling on the couch and watching a movie or two. We didn't want to put an emphasis on this anniversary because anniversaries are just not the same the second time around (the little anniversaries). I was extremely happy that I was required to wear cute clothes to work and that I didn't have to go home and change. I clocked out and waved bye to Zoey.

Today I walked into work with a smile on my face. The first person I saw was Zoey with her long brown hair tied up in a ponytail. She smiled at me.

"I'm guessing you had a good anniversary," she said, winking. I laughed.

"Yes, it was nice to spend time together," I told her, smiling. I suddenly remembered that Zoey was really angry with Cody the other day. "If you don't mind me asking, why were you so angry at Cody?"

Zoey was silent. I looked up from my work and saw that Zoey looked incredibly uncomfortable. I thought I saw a couple of tears in her gorgeous brown eyes. I instantly regretted even asking her the question. I had to backtrack and fix this.

"I'm sorry I asked," I told her, quickly. "Don't worry about it. You don't have to answer. I'm sorry I upset you."

"It's just embarrassing to talk about," she said, her voice quavering. "Um, Cody and I used to be together."

Saturday, March 13, 2010


I stared at Haylie in disbelief. I didn't know how she could say that about the father of her child. I didn't know how she could screw an coworker in the stockroom either, especially when she was pregnant. I doubt that Cody even knew she was. There were a lot of things I didn't understand about Haylie. Honestly, I missed my friend.

I miss the old Haylie who used to stay up all night gossiping to me about boys. I missed going to the mall with her, I missed the innocent Haylie. In a way, I blamed Steve for starting all of this. I blamed him for going after Haylie and being her first serious boyfriend. I blamed him for taking her virginity. I blamed him for creating the monster I saw before me.

I looked at the back of the store where Zoey and Cody were. She was really chewing him out. I wondered why she was so angry with Cody. I pushed that thought out of my mind to concentrate on Haylie.

"What were you thinking?" I asked her. "This is a completely inappropriate place to do something like that! You could get fired! Cody could get fired!"

"Oh, please, Court," Haylie scoffed. "You're just jealous that I got to him first." I burst out laughing.

"Are you kidding me?" I asked her, laughing hysterically. "You think I'm jealous that you got Cody? I couldn't care less."

"You're just jealous that I have all the things that you want," she laughed, her laugh filled with spite and venom. "I have Logan and I have Cody."

"Whatever, Haylie," I said, rolling my eyes. "Take care of that baby in there!" I couldn't help but say that last part loudly. I saw Zoey's mouth drop and Cody's eyes widen. Cody looked completely nauseous and ran into the men's restroom. The store was completely silent except for the sounds of Cody vomiting in the men's room.

"You're a jerk," she mumbled with tears streaming down her face. She ran into the women's restroom.

My jaw dropped. One second she was spiteful and semi-angry and the next she's crying.

"What just happened?" Zoey asked me.

"I don't know," I told her. I honestly didn't know.

Friday, March 12, 2010

Fast-Talking Friday

Hey guys! :)

Another Friday! You know what that means! A nice relaxing weekend (hopefully)!

First off, I know that it's been all around the blog world that 15 miles is gone. I'm sad to hear that the author has deleted her blog. She was a terrific writer and will be terribly missed. I know that she has had a lot of problems arise with her family and I wish her the best of luck in all aspects of her life.

Secondly, there was a blog that I had found in the comment section of the Bedroom Blog that is pretty interesting to read. It offers an opinion on the Bedroom Blog, 15 miles, What My Heart Desires, and the Karen Chronicles. Keep in mind that is it one person's (it could arguably two people's) opinion. If you guys want to check it out, here's the link:

Third, I was wondering if you guys know of any ways to reduce stress or be better at time management. I'm having trouble staying on top of all my deadlines. Any tips would be super helpful. :)

I have to get back to studying for midterms.

Happy Friday! :)

Wednesday, March 10, 2010


I tried not to think about my dream. Thinking about it, obsessing over it, worrying over it, would just stress me out. It didn't really work out the way I planned. My mind kept wandering back to why I had dreamt that I wanted to sleep with Adam. My mind also wandered to what I said to Taylor. I told him that I loved him in my dream. I felt more confused with each growing second. Do I have feelings for Adam? Do I love Taylor?

Needless to say, I wasn't concentrating at work. I was glad to have the task of recovery. I couldn't mess up while folding clothes mindlessly. Haylie was no where to be seen, thank goodness. The store was completely empty, with only Me, Zoey, Cody, and Haylie here. Zoey was sitting at the register texting, knowing that Jasmine was out for dinner. Haylie and Cody were no where to be seen, I assumed that they were in the stockroom doing inventory.

I was thankful that Haylie was not following me, telling me about her random cravings. Surprisingly, she is about 10 or 11 weeks along and you can't tell that she's pregnant. You could look at her stomach and chalk it up to being a little extra fat. I wondered how big she would end up getting. I really hoped that it was a little girl so I can buy her little outfits. Man, I'm going soft.

I decided to take my 15 minute break and, after informing Zoey who waved me off, went to the employee area to take my cell phone and wallet out of my locker. I went to the smoothie store next-door and bought a strawberry smoothie. Knowing that I've been a tiny bit evasive, I called Taylor. He picked up on the first ring.

"Hey!" Taylor said, cheerfully. You could hear the happiness in his voice. I couldn't help but smile. "I thought you were at work today."

"I am," I told him. "I'm on my break and decided to call you."

"I'm glad you did," he said. "It's nice to hear your voice."

"I know I've been busy lately with school and work," I told him. "But, I asked for this weekend off so I could spend time with you."

"You don't have to, Court," he said. "I understand that you have things to do." I looked at my watch and saw that I had to go back.

"I have to go back to work, babe," I told him. "I'll talk to you later." We said our goodbyes and I hurried back to the store.

After putting away my items, I brought my attention back to the jeans I was folding. I had decided to completely organize the wall of jeans by sizes. They have been a complete mess since I had got here. It took me over an hour and a half to finish folding the wall of jeans. I noticed that I had opened up an extra row for more jeans. I figured that I could bring out more jeans from the stockroom.

I opened the door and to my surprise, I found Haylie topless and up against the wall with her legs wrapped around Cody.

"OMG! I'm so sorry!" I said, completely embarrassed that I had walked in on them. I immediately ran out of the stockroom. Zoey was intrigued as to why I had ran out of the stockroom.

"Did you see a mouse or something?" she asked me. Before I could stop her, she peeked her head into the stockroom. "OH!" She pulled her head out and she was blushing. I didn't think that Zoey would blush at something like that.

Haylie walked out first, fixing her skirt and her hair and trying to regain some composure. She looked completely embarrassed. I pulled her aside to the corner of the store.

"What about Logan?" I asked her.

"What about him?" she asked me, smiling innocently.

Monday, March 8, 2010

Come Back to Me

I laid in my bed reading a book for English when I heard a tapping noise outside of my window. I walked across the room and opened my curtains, curious to see where the noise was coming from. I almost had a heart attack when I saw there was someone outside my window, but then I realized that it was Adam. My panic turned into confusion. Why was he here and why was he on my roof when he could use the front door? I opened my window to let him in.

"Why are you here?" I asked him.

"I came for you, Court," he said, softly. "I love you."

"Adam, we went over this," I told him, sternly. "I'm not in love with you."

"Stop denying our connection," he said. "We're perfect together."

I opened my mouth to protest, but I couldn't get a word out. Adam had gently pressed his lips onto mine. All of my thoughts disappeared. All I could think about was how great of a kisser he was and how soft his lips were. I could feel the chemistry between us. It didn't take me long to kiss him back and for the kiss to move from soft and sweet to hot and heavy. I couldn't fight the desire anymore.

"This is wrong," I told him breathlessly as I was unbuttoning his shirt. He lifted me up and carried me to my bed.

"Then why does it feel so good?" he smirked as he pulled my pants down. He threw them all the way across the room, leaving me in my thong. I straddled him and pulled off his belt when I heard someone shout my name. I looked up and saw Taylor standing by the door. I quickly jumped off of Adam and put on my pants.

"Taylor, this isn't what it looks like," I told him, quickly.

"Well, what does it look like, Court?" Taylor demanded. "It looked like you were going to sleep with him."

Taylor looked so angry. He looked like he was going to punch the wall or punch Adam. I instantly felt guilty. I don't know what would possess me to jump in bed with Adam. I understand the last time, I was drunk, I probably wasn't thinking clearly. But, I had no excuse this time. I didn't know what to say to apologize to Taylor, I didn't know what to say to make things better. My heart was breaking. I hate that I hurt him.

"I don't know what to say," I said, sadly.

"Whatever, Court, do whatever you want," he told me. "I'm leaving." He walked out the door.

"Taylor, no!" I shouted. "I love you!"

I jolted up, gasping for breath. I looked around in my room and fell back onto my pillows in relief. It was all just a dream, none of that happened. What sucks is that I have all day to analyze my dream and now I'm going to be obsessing over it.

I rolled over and looked at my clock. It read 6:30. I groaned, knowing that I wouldn't be able to go back to sleep. I pulled the covers over my head and tried to make sense of my dream.

Saturday, March 6, 2010

Break the Ice

Today, work went much better than last time. Zoey wasn't here, thank goodness. I was surprised to see a guy working the register today. He was extremely cute with his blond hair and blue eyes. He had a body of a surfer and he wasn't afraid to show off in his muscular arms in his T-shirt. I was curious as to why he would work at a women's clothing store. I went up to him, ignoring the butterflies I had in my stomach, and introduced myself.

"Hi, I'm Courtney," I said, smiling.

"Hey, I'm Cody," he said, showing off his perfect smile. I almost swooned. Stop it, Court. You have a boyfriend. A very sweet, adorable, caring, hot boyfriend. Stop drooling over Cody.

"Hey Courtney!" I heard this super perky voice said. Oh no, why do we always get scheduled together? I see Haylie walking up to us. "Oh, hey, Cody." She flashed Cody the world's biggest smile. You can tell she's smitten with him too. I'm glad that we both had boyfriends or else we'd be fighting over him.

"Yeah, hey, Haylie," I said, bringing my attention back to Cody. "So, Cody, how long have you worked here?"

"Since November," he said. "I was originally hired as a seasonal employee."

"Oh Cody, tell Court what you told me about your recent trip to Las Vegas," Haylie said, almost gushing. I think she was trying to make me jealous that she had already talked to Cody before me. I started folding some clothes that were left on the counter so I could turn away from Haylie and roll my eyes.

"I was in Las Vegas over the intersession at Beachside University and I tried out to go on this new game show," he told me. I nodded to let him know I was listening. "I got on and won 200 bucks."

"That's pretty cool," I said, while stacking up some jeans. "I'm going to go put some things away."

I left Haylie alone to talk to Cody. I know that there's no competition for him, but I felt like she was making it a competition. I don't want anything to do with her pettiness.

I was busily trying to figure out where the jeans went when I heard the door jingle, signalling that we had a customer. I looked up and saw Adam walk into the store. Needless to say that I was a little bit shocked. I walked up to him.

"What are you doing here?" I asked him. He, too, looked a little shocked to see me here.

"I'm here to pick up Haylie," Adam said, a little confused. "What are you doing here?"

"I work here," I said, pointing to my name tag. I mentally sighed.

All I wanted to do was tell him how much I missed him. I missed how he was there for me no matter what. I missed all the time we spent together hanging out after school. I missed goofing around with him. I missed my best friend. But, I couldn't get the words out. I missed my Adam.

"Ok, I'm ready, Adam," Haylie said. I jumped 3 feet in the air. She had snuck up behind us.

"I'm parked right outside," he told her. She waved bye to Cody and I before leaving the store.

I knew that it would be awhile before I could muster up the courage to tell him how I really felt. Before I could weigh the pros and cons, my mouth did the talking for me.

"I miss you, Adam," I blurted out.

I was scared of his reaction. All I wanted was for us to be friends again- for all the awkwardness to disappear. I just wanted everything to go back to the way things were. I just wanted him to tell me that everything was ok between us.

"I miss you too, Court," he said.

And he walked out.

Friday, March 5, 2010

Fast-Talking Friday

Hey guys!

How has your week been going?

Quite frankly, I don't know what to write about. I am deeply saddened by the two recent earthquakes we had in Chile and Taiwan and still upset about the one in Haiti. I'm also worried that another earthquake is going to hit another country in the near future. What were the odds that three earthquakes would happen in such a short time apart? My thoughts are with those who live in Haiti, Chile, and Taiwan.

I really want to talk about something that really upset me. It was something my friend posted on facebook the day of the Chile earthquake, "It's pretty normal for Chile to have a huge earthquake, just take Geology. lol.", and then she goes on to justify that an 8.8 earthquake can happen here too (in California because of the huge fault line) and that it was bound to happen & it shouldn't be too hard to believe.

I don't know. So many people were going against her and saying.. NO. It is a BIG deal because the earthquake is so big and it caused so much destruction and it caused deaths. She didn't really listen to any reasoning and she basically ignored everyone else's opinions. I feel like I had to get that off my chest. It's been bothering me for awhile that she can't bare to hear the truth and that I have to watch what I say around her because I know that she can't handle the truth.

Anyways, back to my point. It really irked me that she didn't feel sympathetic towards the earthquake. I know we're entitled to our own opinions and reactions, but I just wish that she watches what she posts on facebook. She kept saying that everyone is making it a bigger deal than it is. The Chile earthquake went down as one of the top ten earthquakes in history (I'm pretty sure I read that somewhere). I guess there's nothing I can do to change her mind because she really didn't want to hear my opinion or why her comment irked me or why people were "ganging up" on her.

So, if you guys have any comments on the whole facebook situation or on any of the earthquakes, please post. Either way, have an muy bueno Friday. :)

Wednesday, March 3, 2010

If Everyone Cared

I was excited for my first day of work- well, orientation. I tried on five outfits before I decided on what to wear. I wanted to make a good impression on Jasmine. Taylor was so excited that I had gotten the job that he had taken me out to dinner last night. I protested, but he wouldn't hear of it. He wanted to celebrate my first job. He even offered to drop me off at Bella today. Honestly, I think he's more excited than I am, which I didn't think was possible.

Taylor arrived at my house an hour before I was scheduled for orientation. I was busily getting ready while he lounged in my room. He had plopped down on my bed and rested his feet on my storage cube.

"Now that I have a working woman, I can relax," he joked. I threw a teddy bear at him. "Hey!"

"Haha, very funny," I said, sarcastically.

"I can't believe you still have this thing," he said, after examining the bear I threw at him.

I took a closer look at the bear. It was a teddy bear dressed in a tuxedo that Taylor had won for me at the annual carnival on the beach when we were last together. He had spent 30 bucks to win me the 5 dollar teddy bear I had wanted. It was so sweet of him to win it for me, but he really stunk at knock over milk jugs. Which I guess would explain why he wasn't a baseball player.

"Of course I still have it," I told him. "You put so much effort into winning it for me and I love it." I smiled and kissed his cheek.

"You're going to be late for your first day," he said, grinning. I put on my jacket. "Hold up, I want to take pictures!" I laughed.

"You're so goofy," I told him. We got Brittany to take a couple of pictures of us and I took a couple of pictures with her too. I shook my head in disbelief and laughed the entire time.

We got to Bella 15 minutes before I had to start. Taylor kissed me goodbye and wished me luck. I walked into the store to see Haylie already there.

"Hey, Courtney!" she greeted me, waving her hand rapidly. She had a huge grin plastered on her face. "Aren't you super excited for our first day together?"

She's been like this for the past week. It's actually starting to get on my nerves. One can only tolerate so much puppy dog following and peppiness in a lifetime and I think I've reached my limit within the last week. Except, I didn't have the heart to tell her to go away. So, I just endured it an allowed her to peppy and everything. I half-smiled at her.

Jasmine greeted us and introduced us to the girl, who was working at the regrister. She left us alone so Zoey could train us. Zoey didn't seem interested in being at work, let alone training us. She kind of just scoffed and left us alone. Haylie and I gave each other a look and tried to figure out the regrister while Zoey ran off and started texting on her phone. Jasmine came out and saw Zoey texting and she called her into her office. Zoey shot us a nasty look as she walked into the office. I could see that this was the beginning of a beautiful friendship.

Monday, March 1, 2010

Say Something

I couldn't get a good night's sleep this weekend. On Saturday, an earthquake struck Chile and there was a tsunami warning in Hawaii. I was really scared that really big waves would hit Beachside. Luckily, we didn't have huge waves hit, just medium waves due to the storm, and there was no destruction here. I couldn't say the same for the people in Chile. I was heartbroken when I saw the pictures of the homes that were destroyed. I mailed the check to the Salvation Army on my way to Bella.

I had arrived at Bella just a little past 3:30 and I looked for Jasmine in her office. She wasn't there. I asked the girl who was working at the cashier if Jasmine was here. She said that Jasmine had gone to lunch and will be back in half an hour. I decided to look around the store to see if there was anything I liked while I waited.

As I scavenged through the racks, I was surprised to see Haylie walk into the store carrying some papers. I tried to hide behind the clearance rack so she wouldn't spot me. Either I didn't do a very good job hiding or Haylie developed a sixth sense as to where I am since she's known me all of these years. I chose to believe that it was the first one.

"Hey, Courtney!" Haylie cheerfully, as if there was nothing wrong. "Did you get the job?"

"Yeah, I'm here to have Jasmine fill out the work permit application," I told her, as I looked through the clearance rack.

"Me too!" she exclaimed. "Omg, I can't believe that we're going to be working together! This is going to be so much fun!"

"Yeah, fun," I told her, trying not to be sarcastic.

I looked through all of the merchandise and tried to get a feel as to where everything was located while Haylie was yammering away about something her English teacher said that made her laugh. I zoned out and stopped listening to her gibberish. I didn't want to be mean, but I really don't want to talk to her. I don't understand why she's even talking to me.

The front door of the store had opened and to my relief, it was Jasmine. I was extremely happy to see the 24 year old blonde bombshell. She was smiling while she was talking on the phone. Now when you look at Jasmine closely, she had a striking resemblance to Hilary Duff. She motioned for us to wait in her office. We only waited for about a minute before she joined us.

"Sorry, girls," she said, smiling apologetically. "Let's get down to business."

We gave her the forms to fill out and sign. After she was done with the paperwork, she flipped through her calendar.

"Ok, I need the permits back as soon as possible and we'll organize a time where we can go through orientation," she informed us. "How does that sound, girls?"

"Sounds great!" I said, happily.

"Sounds awesome!" Haylie said.

"Great, girls," Jasmine said, smiling. "I'll see you with you work permits in hand in a couple of days."

We thanked her and left the store.

"I can't wait til we work together, Court!" Haylie exclaimed. "I'll see you tomorrow at school!" She turned around and practically bounced her way to her car.

Great. Can't wait.