Please Don't Leave Me

I stood there with my mouth hanging wide open. Brittany and I shared a look. I couldn't have possibly heard her right. I think she said that she and Joe were getting married. I thought that it was just a fling, that she would get over her midlife crisis. I didn't think, not for one minute, that this thing that my mom has with Joe was serious- marriage material serious. I honestly thought that this thing with Joe would end in another couple of months and that I would have my mom back, but it appears that she's gone forever.

I was speechless- stunned silent. I wanted to tell her that she was making a mistake- that she's moving too fast in this relationship. I wanted to tell her how much it hurt that she would choose Joe over my happiness and Brittany's happiness. We didn't even have a say in this whole situation, how is that supposed to make us feel? Can't she see how much it hurt us? The guy is 3 years older than Brittany and I. Luckily, I didn't have to say anything because Brittany was the first to recover from the news.

"What the hell are you thinking?" Brittany yelled, angrily. "Really, Mom? Really? You're going to marry a guy who's almost half your age and a couple of years older than your children? Really? Do you even care how we feel about this?"

My mom opened her mouth, as if she wanted to say something, but she closed it. She looked at Joe, pleading for some help.

"I know that this is hard for the two of you to take in, but I really love your mom," he said, grabbing my mom's hand and smiling at her. "Age doesn't matter when you're in love." I wanted to wring his neck.

"Oh, shut up, you homewrecker," I spat at him. "My mom and dad's divorce isn't even finalized yet. Here you are, trying to waltz in like everything is fine and dandy but it's not. I don't want you to marry her and I don't care if you love her." I put quotations around the word love.

"Courtney, you know that the divorce will be finalized soon!" my mom exclaimed, looking at me with sad eyes. "Don't you want me to be happy?"

"Don't I have a say?" I asked her, with tears threatening to overflow. "Don't you care about my opinion?"

"Yeah, Mom, don't you care about what we think?" Brittany asked her. My mom looked at us.

"This is going to happen whether you like it or not," she said, loudly. "It's time for me to be happy and Joe makes me happy. I gave up the best years of my life to raise the two of you and this is the thanks I get? The least you can do is let me be happy!" Brittany and I looked at each other shocked.

"Whatever, Mom, do whatever you want," I told her, with tears streaming down my cheeks. "I don't care. Don't expect me to be at the wedding."

"Get out of this house!" Brittany yelled. "You're not welcomed here! Get out!" My mom looked shocked, but she and Joe left without another word.

"Are you ok?" I asked her, in a whisper. She shook her head.

"No," she told me. "But, it's ok. She's just a selfish human being who resents us. If she doesn't care about us, then we're not going to give her the time of day." I nodded. I dragged myself upstairs and into my room.

"Are you ok?" Henry asked me, giving me a hug as soon as I walked in. "I heard everything."

"Yeah, I'm fine," I said, trying to squirm out of his hug. "I forgot to bring the food up."

"It's ok, Court," he told me. "I'm not that hungry anyways. We can eat it later. We'll just relax up here and watch TV or something."

I shook my head and sighed.

"I want to be alone right now, Henry," I told him. "I need process what just happened and I think I need to be alone to do it."

"Don't push me away, Court," he said, softly. He held me in his arms. "I'm always here for you."

I got out of his hold and looked him straight in the eye.

"Please, Henry," I said, sadly. The tears were building up in my eyes and I didn't want Henry to see me like this. "I need some time alone. Please just go away." He stood up.

"Ok, if that's what you want, Courtney, I'll give you your space," he told me, kissing me on the forehead.

I knew that I had to stop him, that I was being unreasonable- crazy even. But, I didn't want to be near anyone right now- not even Henry. I did the only thing I could do...

I watched him walk out my door.

Unexpected

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Hey guys! The new poll is up on the right sidebar. New polls are up on Tuesdays at midnight, pacific time.

Oh! I have a special Happy Birthday to Mum! Happy Birthday! May everything today be everything you hoped for and more! :) -J'et

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I took a deep breath. My hands were trembling uncontrollably- so uncontrollably that I had almost dropped the test in the toilet. I couldn't bring myself to look at the test. I was scared that it may say that I am pregnant. Henry can read it. Henry can tell me. I told myself. Henry was the only thing that was keeping me sane right now. I walked into my room.

"What did it say?" Henry asked me, concerned. "Are you ok?"

"I can't look," I told him, my voice quavering. I desperately wanted to cry, but I wanted Henry to see me as this strong person who can handle situations like this. I didn't want him to think of me as a weakling who can't even keep her emotions in check. "Can you tell me what it says?"

"Sure thing," he said to me. As if he could sense that I needed it, he gave me a hug. "How do you read it?"

"One line means not pregnant," I told him, with my eyes closed. "Two lines means that I am pregnant." I felt him take my hand into his after gently removing the test from my fingers.

"Congratulations, Courtney," he said, in a whisper. Oh, no. I'm pregnant. F***! What am I going to do? "You're not pregnant." Wait, what?

"What?" I asked him. I wasn't sure I heard him correctly. "I'm.. not pregnant?"

"Nope!" he said, with a smile on his face. I let out a huge sigh of relief.

"What's with the congratulations then?" I asked, hitting him on the arm. "You scared the heck out of me!"

"Ow, sorry?" he said, uncertainly while rubbing his arm.

"We should go celebrate!" I exclaimed, happily after we got rid of the pregnancy test and washed our hands. I grabbed his arm. "Come on! Let's go back to the beach and enjoy the lunch I made us!" I tried pulling him to the door, but he wouldn't budge.

"How about we stay here and enjoy the lunch you made?" he suggested, pulling me into a nice long hug. I could tell that he was extremely excited that I wasn't pregnant with another man's child by the way he was hugging me. I could barely breathe.

"I can't if you hug me to death," I managed to squeak. He laughed and let me go. I gasped, trying to take in as much air as possible. "Air! Sweet air!" Henry laughed again.

"You're being overdramatic, Court," he said, dismissively. I smiled. "I'll bring up the food and we can have a little picnic here in your room. How does that sound?" I shook my head.

"I'll go downstairs and get it," I told him. "Make yourself comfortable, I'll be right back."

I ran down the stairs and had almost knocked over my mom. Thankfully, I grabbed a hold of the railing and avoided squashing her. Wait. Why was my mom here? She doesn't live here! How did she even get into the house? Did my dad let her in or something?

"Sorry, Mom," I said, with confusion in my voice. "What are you doing here?" Suddenly, the front door opened and Joe came in. She turned around and smiled at him.

Wait, why are they both here? I can understand my mom, but Joe? REALLY? The guy my mom had an affair with thinks that he can waltz into my dad's house any time he wants? I forgave him for coming to my graduation because my dad invited my mom, who in turn invited Joe, so it was my mother's fault for him being there. He was invited to that, but no one invited him over here today!

"Actually, I'd like to talk to you and Brittany at the same time," she said to me. "It's important. Is she home too?"

"I don't know, I'll go check her room," I said, quickly dashing up the stairs. I knocked on Brittany's door and got a muffled answer. "Hey, I'm coming in." I slowly opened the door and peeked inside. I couldn't see her anywhere. I realized that her room was a complete mess, like a tornado had ripped through everything.

"I'm in the closet," I heard Brittany say. I walked towards the closet.

"Mom's here," I told her. "She wants to talk to us about something important." She nodded and followed me downstairs. Mom and Joe were waiting for us at the bottom of the stairs.

"So, what's so important that you have to talk to us together?" Brittany asked my mom.

"Well, girls, I don't know how to tell you this," she said, biting her lower lip. "I have.. We have wonderful news!"

"What is it?" I asked her, with zero excitement in my voice.

Then my mom said the 6 words that I'd never thought I'd hear in my whole life: "Joe and I are getting married!"

Baby, I'm Sorry

I took a minute to think about Logan's offer. Last night was fun and amazing and I'd have to admit that I did feel a connection with him, but this was a guy who had told me that he cheated on me because he lost his feelings for me. To make matters worse, he cheated on me with Haylie. It takes two to tango, but still, it didn't hurt any less. His actions lead me to sleep with Adam, ruining my close friendship with him.

I didn't think that we would have this talk at all. I mean, he told me that he wanted to stay single until college. I thought we were on the same page and we were just having fun, but Logan had to ruin it with a relationship talk. Even if it was in a million years, I couldn't down this road again. I just.. couldn't.

"Last night was amazing," I told him with a smile on my face. I took a deep breath. "You're really sweet, but last night was fun and it was nothing more than that. I want to be single for a little bit, I don't think that I'm ready for another relationship. I don't think I could do down the relationship route with you after everything that's happened."

"I see, I understand," he said, obviously disappointed at the rejection. "Friends?" He held out his hand.

"Friends," I said, shaking his hand. I was really glad that he was taking the rejection well. "I should go home, I didn't exactly tell anyone that I was spending the night somewhere."

"Get dressed and I'll give you a ride home," he said. I could have sworn that I had heard a little sadness in his voice. Logan left the room and I quickly got dressed. I felt bad about my decision because he was being so sweet and to top it all off, it seemed like I'm trying to run away from him. Logan knocked on the door before coming in. "You ready?"

"Yeah, thanks, Logan," I told him, gratefully. When we got to my house, Logan insisted on walking me to the door.

"Well, bye," he said, awkwardly. I grabbed his arm and he turned around.

"I know that no matter which college you go to, you're going to find a girl that's perfect for you," I told him. "I'm really sorry that I can't be that girl for you."

"I'm sorry too," he said. I gave him a peck on the cheek and he left. I went into the house to find my mom and my dad sitting in the living room.

"Where were you, young lady?" my mom demanded. "I was worried sick about you! You didn't answer any of my calls and I called all of your friends and they didn't know where you were! I thought you had been kidnapped, raped, or even murdered! Are you seeing someone? Is it that Taylor?"

I became angry. She had been completely selfish since she separated from Dad, parading around with this guy who's half her age. Only a little over 3 years older than her children! It's as if her 20 years of marriage to Dad didn't mean anything to her. She didn't care about me or Brittany or my dad when she started fooling around with Joe, why start caring about me now?

"It's none of your business where I was," I told her. "You don't see me asking where you're going or who you're with. Not that you'd care what I think in the first place."

"Courtney, don't talk to your mother that way," my dad said, sternly.

"No, Dad, she needs to get over herself," I told him. I turned to my mom. "You need to learn that your decisions don't just affect you, they affect the rest of this family. So far, it doesn't look like you give a damn about me, Brittany, or Dad with the way you're parading around with Joe. Who brings a guy over and sleeps with him with her daughters in the house? Especially with a guy who's half your age? Doesn't it disgust you that he's only 3 years older than me and Brittany? Who does that?" I was almost screaming at my mom. My words were almost incomprehensible because I was sobbing so much. My mom looked completely stunned.

"It doesn't even matter anymore," I told her. "I'm moving in with Dad, end of story. You made your choice and I made mine."

I walked away, leaving my mom with her mouth hanging open in surprise. I thought I heard my mom say my name. I didn't even turn around to look, but I was sure that she had said, "Courtney, I'm sorry."

***** Please vote in the poll if you haven't already. I would really like to get some feedback on the posting schedule. It only takes one click! Please and thank you! -J'et*****

Happy Mother's Day

After calling Henry to thank him for bringing me home, I realized that today was Mother's Day. It had completely slipped my mind. Brittany and I had decided a couple of weeks ago that we were going to make our mom breakfast in bed and then go spend the entire day at the mall shopping (since my mom needed a new purse). But sadly, I had to work this afternoon since we're shorthanded, so I was only going to be there for part of the day.

I went downstairs to start cooking breakfast for my mom. Brittany came down while I was preparing the eggs and bacon.

"Mmm, that's going to be so good!" she exclaimed. She got the pancake mix out. "I'll get the pancakes started." I nodded and smiled.

"She's going to love this!" I told her, concentrating on the eggs and bacon.

"It seemed like you had a wild night last night," she said, nonchalantly.

"What do you mean?" I asked her.

"Well, Henry had drive the car back and carry you up the stairs, I let him in last night because Mom wasn't home," she explained. "You sleep like a log! That's good to know for future reference!" I laughed.

"I guess I was just really exhausted," I told her. "I've been overworking myself to keep my mind off Taylor and, yesterday, it popped into my mind and I guess I cried until I fell asleep on Henry's shoulders. He was sweet enough to bring me home."

"Ahh, I see, he's the new Adam," she said. "Nice!" I laughed at her ridiculous comment.

"You're silly, Britt," I told her. "Henry's not replacing Adam." She let the issue drop. We started plating our dish and we were really proud of our plating. It looked like something a professional chef would do. We even had a card along with a fresh daisy in a small vase! Our mom is going to love it!

We hurried up the stairs as fast as we could because we just couldn't wait to see the look on our mother's face when she sees our breakfast. Brittany slowly turned the knob to my mom's bedroom and we both yelled "SURPRISE! Happy Mother's day!". Our smiles turned into disgust when we realized that our mom and Joe were "getting it on".

"OMG, MOM!" I shouted.

"WHAT THE HELL!" Brittany yelled.

"GIRLS!" my mom yelled in surprise. She desperately tried to cover herself up. "I'm so sor-"
We didn't want to hear what she had to say. We couldn't get out of there fast enough and slammed the door behind us. We left her breakfast outside her room and just left in our car. I was driving and I had zero idea of where we were going. I had to pull over to calm myself down because I kept swerving on the road. I couldn't believe that my mom could do that in our house with my sister and I there.

"I don't think I could ever look her in the eye ever again," I told Brittany. "What kind of a mom brings her boyfriend over and lets him stay over when she has kids in the house?"

"I'm so angry! He's half her age!" she exclaimed. "He's only 3 years older than us! What the hell!"

We sat in the car in silence for the longest time, just fuming over our mother. Then, I realized something... Something that I should have realized a long time ago...

"I think I want to go live with Dad," I said, softly.

A Public Affair

The car ride home was torture. It was filled with silence, with some attempts on Taylor's part to make conversation. I was uncooperative and closed my eyes, pretending to sleep. I knew if I talked to him, I would start crying. The silence made the ride feel even longer. In reality, what was really hours felt like an eternity. I just wanted to get out of the car and as far away from Taylor as I possibly could.

Taylor shook me, trying to "wake" me up. I let him shake me a couple of times before mumbling.

"Court, do you want to stop and get some food?" he asked me.

My stomach was growling in response that it hasn't been fed in while. I tried to ignore the hunger pains.

"No, thank you," I mumbled.

When he arrived at my house, I practically jumped out of his vehicle- not caring that he hadn't made a complete stop. I got my suitcase from the back seat and went inside. Taylor made an attempt to follow me inside, but I stopped him before he could enter.

"Goodbye, Taylor," I said, before slamming the door in his face.

I walked into the kitchen and stopped in my tracks. I couldn't believe what I was seeing. My 21 year old neighbor, Joe, was all over my mother. My mother! My 40 year old mother! I let out a little gasp and my mom pushed Joe away. Joe, realizing that I had caught them, looked like he wanted to disappear.

"Courtney, I thought you were coming home tomorrow!" my mom exclaimed, obviously embarrassed of being caught red-handed.

"No, I came home early," I told her. I was suppressing the urge to throw up. "I'm going to leave. You two.. go back to what you were doing."

My mom tried to protest, but I was adamant on leaving. She was still protesting when I closed the front door behind me. I can put two and two together and I really hoped that my math was wrong.

The rest of the break was uneventful. My mom spent the rest of the week trying to justify leaving my dad for a younger man. I tried to not hate her for seeing a guy who was 3 years my senior. Brittany came home and I had to fill her in on Mom's new boyfriend. She, too, had the same reaction as me, except I was doing a better job on not resenting my mother for breaking up our family.

Taylor had called the house numerous times to try to get a hold of me. I didn't answer any of his calls and just let them go to voicemail. By Sunday, the blinking light was on my final nerve and I decided to check the messages.

"You have 17 unheard messages," the voicemail machine told me.

Beep! Hey, Courtney, it's Taylor. I wanted to tell you I'm sorry, please call me. Beep! It's Taylor again, Court, please call me. Beep! I don't understand why you're mad, please call me back. Beep! Courtney, this isn't funny anymore, call me back. Beep! I love you, please call me back. Beep!

The rest of the messages are saying to call him back because he missed me. 17 messages is a little bit excessive and it was starting to scare me. There was one second where I actually considered calling him back just to stop the voicemail messages, but thankfully, I snapped out of it.

I deleted the messages and went on with my day, hoping that going to school tomorrow will distract me from everything that was going on.

There Are No Words

Adam hadn't texted me back. I wasn't going to worry about it. The most important thing was that I reached out and tried to get our friendship back to normal. If he wasn't going to make an effort, that was fine. I had much more important things to do than to stress over whether or not he was going to text me back.

I realized that I've been working too hard lately. It was really difficult to balance school, work, and being in a relationship. Taylor was being really amazing and patient with me, but I'm not sure how long that patience would last. I tried to make it up to him by suggesting that I take Spring Break off from work so we could spend some much needed time together. He jumped at the idea in a heartbeat.

I pulled out a big envelope out of my backpack and stared at it. I pulled out the official-looking paper that told me that I had been accepted to Beachside University. I've been hiding the envelope for a couple of weeks, I haven't told anyone the news yet. I wanted to sort out my mixed feelings before I told anyone. I'm not sure if college is right for me anymore.

Going to school and hearing people talk about which college they got into and where they wanted to go was nerve racking for me. All of the people I've talked to were really excited to leave home, live on-campus, and experience the college life. Every time someone talked about college, I would clam up and slink into the background.

I sighed and hid the envelope once again. It was a good thing because mere seconds later, Brittany barged into my room.

"Hey, sis, Mom and Dad want to have a family meeting," she told me.

"Any idea why?" I asked her. She shook her head no. "How weird, must be important."

We went downstairs and sat down in the living room, waiting for my parents to talk to us. We didn't have to wait too long before my parents walked in, my mom carrying a plate of chocolate chip cookies. I instantly knew that this was going to be bad. She only brought cookies to the family meetings where there was going to be bad news.

I remember when I was five, my mom told me that our goldfish Bubbles died. When I was 12, my mom told me that my parents had decided to go into business and they would have to start spending less time at home. When I was 14, my mom told me that we might be moving to Las Vegas. Thank goodness that never happened. Cookies during a family meeting was a bad thing.

Brittany noticed the cookies also and shot me a look. I shrugged my shoulders and grabbed a cookie. She reluctantly took one also.

"Girls, your dad and I have some news," my mom said, looking at my dad to continue. She looked unsure of whether or not to tell us.

"I'm not sure how to tell you girls this, but your mom and I are separating," he said with an incredible look of sadness on his face.

If We Make It Through December

"What?" I asked her in disbelief. I couldn't believe what I was hearing. Uncle Mark was our favorite uncle. He was the closest family member we have. I remembered when I was little, he would take me and Brittany out mini-golfing and to Disneyland. Brittany and I loved Uncle Mark.

"Honey, Uncle Mark had a stroke last night," my mom repeated. I knew that she was in shock also. I didn't know that Uncle Mark had enough health problems to cause a stroke. I would have done something to help. I would have stopped him from having the third slice of extra-extra-extra cheesy pizza and smoking a pack of cigarettes a day.

"Is he going to be ok?" I asked her.

"I don't know," she said, softly. "He's at Stanford Medical right now. He was airlifted from Valley Medical and he's not conscious."

"Are we going to go see him right now?" I asked her. She nodded.

"Go get your sister and get dressed," she said. "I'll call your dad and let him know what happened."

I went upstairs into Brittany's room and woke her up. She looked at the clock and mumbled something about it being the weekend into the pillow.

"Uncle Mark had a stroke," I told her, softly. She immediately sat up.

"What?" she asked. She had the same shocked expression as my mom did.

"We're going to go see him right now," I said. She nodded.

"Ok, let me get ready," she said, sadly.

I went in my room and quickly changed. I ran downstairs and found my mom waiting for us, looking a little distraught.

"What did Dad say?" I asked her.

"Nothing, he's not coming," she said. She saw Brittany running down the stairs. "Ok, girls, let's go. It's a long drive."

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It took us 3 hours to arrive at Stanford Medical. We couldn't find a free parking space on the street and had to settle for parking in the parking garage. We parked the car and went into the hospital. Our cousin, Nina, greeted us in the cafeteria. Brittany and I both hugged her.

"How are you doing?" we asked her at the same time. She smiled.

"I'm ok," she said. "I'll take you to Dad. He's in room 5." She brought us to his room in the intensive care ward. We weren't prepared to see Uncle Mark laying there.

"Oh goodness," my mom whispered.

"He's still not conscious yet," she explained. "He wasn't taking his medication for his high blood pressure. The nurse said that he's so used to the high blood pressure that they can't lower it too much or else it would cause some problems." Nina looked so sad.

"Where's Aunt Lany?" I asked her.

"She's outside in the waiting area," Nina said. "You guys stay here with him, I'm going to go check up on her." She left us alone with Uncle Mark.

I started to cry. I couldn't bare to see him with all of the tubes connected to his nose and mouth. He looked so still. It seemed that the Uncle Mark we knew was gone and another person was laying here in his body on the hospital bed. I walked over to the side of his bed and fixed his hospital gown. Brittany held his hand and squeezed. I took his other hand.

"We're here for you, Uncle Mark," I whispered to him. "Please wake up."

The Last Thing I Needed First Thing This Morning

I laid in bed with my eyes opened. I was exhausted, but I couldn't sleep. I tossed and turned for half an hour, thinking about everything that the future holds. When I realized that I wasn't going to get any sleep, I got out of bed and decided to do something productive.

I pulled out my laptop and started to type my psychology paper. 30 minutes later, I realized that I wasn't writing anything related to psych. I was writing down my feelings about college. I didn't realize how terrified I was to be moving into the future. I didn't know what it would hold for me. I didn't even know what I wanted to do with my life. I feel like I have to make a decision now before I graduate.

I sighed and turned off my laptop. Obviously, I'm not going to get any work done. I rubbed my eyes. I sighed again.

I haven't been sleeping well for the last couple of days. I was too tired to deal with the Adam/Haylie situation. Whatever they're hiding from me, I'm just going to let this one go.

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I hit the snooze button 3 times before dragging myself out of bed. I had finally drifted off to sleep at 3 in the morning. I brushed my teeth, washed my face, and stumbled downstairs. Of course, I almost tripped on my long pajama pants and almost broke my neck. Luckily, I caught myself before damaging myself.

I stumbled into the kitchen where there was a plate of pancakes waiting for me on the breakfast table.

"Morning, Mom," I mumbled. "Thanks." I drenched my pancakes with syrup.

"Morning, sweetie," she said, chirpily. "Did you get any sleep?"

"Not really," I said, taking a bite of my pancakes.. "A couple hours."

"Hopefully, you can get a couple more hours tonight," she said. The phone rang. "I'll get it."

I nodded and watched her leave the room in search of our phone. I took another bite out of my pancakes and decided to put more syrup. I'm going to need the sugar today to keep me awake. I finished my pancakes and set my plate in the sink. I went into the living room and heard my mom crying.

"Mom, what's wrong?" I asked her, worried.

"Honey, Uncle Mark had a stroke last night," she said, wiping the tears from her eyes.