Fast-Talking Friday

Hey guys!

It's another Friday! How has your day/week been? :)

I'm incredibly stressed out right now. Everything seems to be due at the same time (well, they ARE, which is really scary) and I'm trying my best to cope.

My boyfriend was supposed to have his orientation last night, but it's moved to Monday. We're trying to deal with the situation of how he is going to get to work. I don't know, I'm really stressed to the max and sometimes I feel more of a mother to him, rather than a girlfriend. Because.. well.. his mom is home all the time and I don't see the reason why she can't drive him to work or at least.. be in the passenger seat while he practices to get his license. Then again, his parents are really laid back and all they do is harp on him for not doing this or that, but they don't really encourage him. So, I assumed the responsibility. So far, so good. I got him to go to college (his original plan was to join the army), attempt to get a BS in Computer Science, and get his permit. I hate complaining, but how am I supposed to handle my life and his? I don't think building a future together means: "Hey, set the goals and manage both persons' lives in the relationship."

Ok, I think that's the end of my rant which is mostly generated by stress, let's move onto the blogsphere. :)

Val from 15 Miles posted an explanation of her absence. I'm not sure how I feel about the post, since it's been so long since the blog got deleted. But, my heart goes out to her. She has another blog called Desent into Normalcy where she blogs about her life. It just amazes me how much she's gone and is still going through. She knows that she has readers, but I'm not sure how I feel about being referred to as an "Imaginary Friend" because, well, I'm real and I exist. Oh, and Parenthood is a very good show! Sure, it has its flaws, but COME ON! No family is perfect! Sorry for that tangent.

I read yesterday that ~S~ from Macyn is halting the blog for a little bit to turn the blog into a novel/book. I'm very excited to see the blog moving into that direction and deeply saddened that we won't have any new posts soon. I thought that it was a very convienent place to stop the blog, with the "What if that guy isn't Macyn's brother?" cliffhanger. I wish her the best of luck and hope I one day see Macyn on the shelves.

Laura from Nothing More Than Apathy should turn her blog into a book! I would definitely buy that! She's such a talented writer, especially since she doesn't re-edit. SERIOUSLY!

Bedroom Blog. What do I even say? Was there a post this week? The last post I saw was the M.I.A post which was posted on either last Friday or Saturday. Not to sound mean or anything, but... Cosmo, didn't you hire someone to do consistent postings because, well, it's their job and they get paid for it? Don't get me wrong, I love the blog (the older posts), but it's really inconsistent with the postings.

The Karen Chronicles has me wondering. With her last post, Marco made a statement and I'm not sure if it sort of alludes that he has feelings for her or if they're on a date? I just want Karen to be with someone, anyone! Not Angelo, but still. She has so many choices! I'm sure Trey, Marco, and Vincenzo are just waiting for her to make a move or something.

MA from Everyday Endeavors checked in, letting us know of her situation. So, thank you! I'm glad that you're safe and sound. I'm sending you a lot of good energy and vibes. :)

There is definitely a lot that happened in the blog world this week. I'm sorry about the long post!
Happy Friday guys! :)

Burn Baby Burn

When I stormed off, I felt relieved. I didn't want to be in this constant cycle with Taylor. I was glad to get rid of the doubt that I had of whether he wanted me or Farrah. Farrah can have him all to herself now. I don't care. That wasn't really true, I did care, I was trying to put on a brave face. Henry saw me storm out and pulled me in for a hug. I tried my hardest not to cry when I was in his arms. I felt so betrayed by Taylor. He knew that Logan had cheated on me and he thought that he could do the same thing. I was overwhelmed by feelings.

"Are you ok?" Henry asked me, gently. He might have had a slight idea of what happened and looked concerned. He didn't want to get involved with the drama and decided to wait here, outside.

"I don't know," I admitted. I didn't want to stay here. I wanted to go home and be alone/ "Let's go." Henry nodded.

The next thing I knew, Taylor came bursting out of the restaurant, coming after me.

"Courtney!" he yelled. When he saw that I was right next to the restaurant door, he looked embarrassed. "Can we talk?"

I looked at Henry, as if asking him what I should do. I was practically cowarding behind Henry, using him as a shield against Taylor.

"I don't think that is a good idea, Taylor," Henry told him. "We're leaving. Come on, Court." Henry gently tugged me and I followed him to the car. Of course, Taylor wasn't giving up that easily. He followed along like a little puppy dog.

"Courtney, it's not what you think it is!" he protested. I pulled myself away from Henry and stood on my tip-toes so I could get right in Taylor's face.

"Oh, yeah? Then what was it?" I asked him, angrily. "Because to me, it looks like you were cheating on me with your ex-girlfriend, who you can't promise me that you don't have feelings for, at a place that is out of town so you wouldn't be seen by anyone. You made me choose between you and Adam. Right now, I'm really regretting that decision." Taylor looked hurt from my words.

"Hey, man," Henry said. "I think that you should leave now." Taylor looked at him.

"No, not until I get a chance to explain," he said. He looked at me. "Court, there's something I have to tell you. I want to start off by saying that I'm not proud of it and I didn't want you to know and think less of me."

"What is it?" I asked him, warily.

"Last year, when I was still in high school, something happened," he told me. I nodded. "It was really bad. Ricky and I were at this party and both of us were drinking. I'm still not quite sure what happened, but we were being stupid and goofing off. The party was really lame and we ended up drinking more than we were supposed to and Ricky started lighting things on fire on the grill. One thing lead to another and the next thing you knew, the house was burning." I gasped, knowing what he was talking about.

"You're talking about the McNeely fire!" I blurted out. "It was you?"

"No, it was Ricky!" he insisted.

I was stunned. I looked at Henry and he was equally as stunned.

"Somehow, Farrah got a hold of this information and is using it against me," Taylor continued, angrily. "She's threatening to turn me into the police as an accessory to the fire."

"What does she want from you?" I asked him, curiously.

Blinded

I couldn't believe my eyes. I did a double take. It took a minute, but once it registered, I started to get angry. What was she doing here? Shouldn't she be in LA, you know, the city she lives in? I tried to give Taylor the benefit of the doubt, but what the heck is he doing at an out of town restaurant with Farrah? To me, that just looked a little bit suspicious, especially since Taylor can't promise me that the doesn't have feelings for Farrah.

I racked my brain, trying to remember if Taylor had mentioned anything about his plans for today. After a good minute, I realized that he hadn't mentioned a word.

I hid behind Henry as I tried to remain unseen by both Taylor and Farrah. The last thing I wanted was for them to see me. I was successful! Henry and I got out of the restaurant unseen. I pulled out my phone and did the only thing I could think of doing, I sent Taylor a text message.

Hey, honey, what are you up to? Do you want to hang out later?

It took a minute before I got a response from him.

Sorry, babe, I'm studying right now. I promise we'll hang out tomorrow. I love you, Courtney.

When I read that message, I was seething. How dare he lie to me? Does he take me for a fool? Does he not give a damn about our relationship? I mean, come on! You have to know that I'm watching you after you cheated on Farrah twice. How dare he lie to my face and expect to get away with it? I was going to give him a piece of my mind.

Henry saw the look of anger written all over my face and stood in front of the restaurant door, blocking me.

"Hey, I think you should cool down," he told me.

"Why? He's lying to me straight to my face," I said, angrily. "Does he think I'm stupid?"

"I think you should take some time to calm down and think it through before barging in there and possibly making a fool of yourself," he said, gently.

"Sorry, Henry," I said, pushing him aside.

I walked inside the restaurant and breezed past the greeter. The greeter grabbed my wrist and stopped me.

"Miss, you can't go in here without a table," he told me.

"Oh, sorry," I said, sweetly. "But, I saw my friend sitting in a booth and I haven't seen him in a long time. I promise I'll order something." The greeter nodded and took my order.

I walked to Taylor's table and cleared my throat.

"Studying, huh?" I asked him. He clearly looked shocked to see me. Farrah just sat there smiling at me, as if knowing that I would be there. I hated how calm she was. "What the heck, Taylor? What is she doing here?"

"Uhhhh," he stuttered nervously. "She's-I- uh."

My diet soda got here and I thanked the waiter.

"You know what, Taylor?" I said. "I don't really care what you say anymore, we're through."

I threw my drink at him and stormed off, leaving Taylor looking shocked and Farrah laughing at him.

Whine and Dine

Henry and I were making an attempt to hang out more and have a stronger friendship before we both went to college. Since I had the day off of work, we decided to check out this mom and pop restaurant, that was more of a grill, which was just out of town. Apparently, they serve the best steak there and is highly recommended by a bunch of reviewers. I was excited to go check it out. I tried inviting Sarah and Justin, but they were busy as usual. I can't really blame them, they are planning their big day.

"This place better be good if I'm going through all this trouble for a steak," Henry joked, breaking through my train of thought. Brittany had taken the car out today, so Henry had to come pick me up and drive to the restaurant. I felt bad that he was going through all this trouble.

"Man, if you're going to whine and complain during the whole ride, I'll drive," I smirked, knowing full well what the answer is. Henry would never allow me anywhere near the drivers seat. His truck was his precious baby. I think he would actually drop dead then allow anyone to touch his truck. I don't understand his obsession with the truck, but more power to him.

"Hell no, Court," he said to me, making a face. "No offense, but you're not the world's best driver."

"That dog ran in front of my car! I had to brake suddenly so I wouldn't hit the poor thing!" I exclaimed. Then I grumbled, "It's not my fault that people let their dogs run around without a leash."

Back when I first had my license, the group and I decided to go celebrate my new found freedom by getting a pizza. There was a guy walking his dog on a semi-busy street, and the dog went crazy running onto the street. Just my luck, he had to go in front of my car. All I have to say is thank goodness no one was behind me when I braked. If that wasn't enough, the owner gave me a really dirty look like I had intentionally tried to kill his dog.

"Ok, Courtney, whatever you say," he said, disbelievingly. He smiled at me. He pulled into a parking lot. "We're here!"

Surprisingly, the restaurant was really close to town. The parking lot was full, it took us about 5 minutes to find a spot. I silently thanked the couple who walked out of the restaurant.

When we went inside, I was in awe of how cozy the place was. The interior was decorated like a sports bar, with pictures of the local sports teams, memorabilia, signs, and a bunch of really cool posters. They had a chalkboard telling us what today's specials were. The greeter was really friendly, informing Henry and I that we have a 10 minute wait ahead of us. There was a wonderful aroma of food in the air and I was ecstatic when the greeter called Henry's name and sat us in our booth.

We both ordered the steak, mine well done and his medium well, and I can say is: WOW. The steak was cooked perfectly and was seasoned with bold spices that complimented each other without overpowering one another. They even made the vegetables taste amazing! My only complaint of the steak was that there wasn't enough. I wanted more when I was done with it.

Henry and I gushed over how amazing the steak was while we split the bill. I turned to leave when Henry stopped me.

"Hey, isn't that Taylor over there?" he asked me, pointing to a table. "What's he doing here?"

I looked over to where he was pointing. Indeed, it was Taylor and he wasn't alone. It was a female companion. Her back was towards me so I couldn't see her face.

"I don't know," I admitted. "Let's go." We walked towards the exit and I managed to get a clear look at who Taylor was with..

Fast-Talking Friday

Hey guys!

I forgot it was Friday. I'm such a spaz, I thought today was Thursday. I'm really sorry that this post is late. So, how are you? Did you have a great week?

I already mentioned on Tuesday that my boyfriend got his first job! He finished filling out his paperwork yesterday and after they process it, they'll call him in for work. My boyfriend said that it might be sometime next week. So, we have to shop for all black shoes as part of his uniform. I'm so excited! Now, we have to tackle getting a license and I assume that I'm driving him to work until he does (he wanted to drive illegally to work and I said no).

Nothing else new except I think my cat isn't pregnant, which I'm not sure if that is a good or bad thing.

Hmm.. Let's move onto blogs. There have been some good story lines lately.

The Karen Chronicles is getting SUPER GOOD! I don't know, I can't wait to see what happens next! I hate the last cliffhanger. Marco, Marco, Marco, make a move already! :)

Diary of J, I can't stop reading it. I'm not quite sure why. I have a sneaking suspicion that she is not with Brandon in present day. Just from a little comment she wrote a while back, but I don't know if that is enough evidence. I like the frequent posts lately, but I'm not sure if it makes up for the ones she missed.

Sometimes is a really good blog. Hope is a fantastic writer and I'm hooked on her blog. You can't help but laugh at the senarios that Emily goes through. I highly recommend checking it out if you do not currently read it. She posts every Wednesday. You can find the link through my profile. :)

Bedroom Blog, I'm glad that K. is moving on from her insecurities. I really want some action from her! It seems like it's been so long since she's done anything sexually with a guy (in the context that the name of the blog is Bedroom Blog).

I just want to give a shout out to MA. If you're reading, please let me know if how you're doing, I'm starting to get worried about you. I want to make sure that you're ok.

Happy Friday, guys! :)

Out of the Blue

Taylor has been really nice to me lately. I can tell that he has been trying really hard to get back on my good side. For the last couple days, he drove me to and from school and he cooked me breakfast because he knows I skip it sometimes. He took me on a midnight picnic last night to make up for the both of us fighting on our two month anniversary. He was being really sweet and it was getting hard to stay mad at him.

He was being really patient. He was letting me learning to trust him again at my own pace. He wasn't pushing me or asking me every five minutes if I trusted him yet. I thought it was sweet how he was just giving me my space. He just keeps telling me that he loved me, but he didn't push me to say it back to him.

So, when he dropped me off in front of Bella today, he gave me a sweet kiss goodbye. I almost floated into work because I was so happy. I decided that going with the flow is the best thing ever!

I put my things in my locker and I punched in, starting on the big mess of things that was piling on top of the counter. I looked around, noticing that the store was empty except for me and Zoey.

"So, how was your break, Zoe?" I asked her. "Did you do anything fun?"

"Not really," she said, sadly. "I was working the whole time, but that just equals more money for college." She smiled.

"That's true," I said. Then I had an excellent idea. "Hey! How about we have a girl's day?"

"That sounds really good, actually," she admitted. "Let's do it!"

We were busily chattering and making plans when we heard the front door open. I looked up to greet our customer and I was surprised to see that it was Adam. I must have looked like a deer in headlights because Zoey nudged me in the ribs- hard.

"Have I told you that he's really cute?" she whispered to me. I rolled my eyes.

"Gross," I whispered back to her.

I don't really know why, but I was jealous of the way Zoey was checking Adam out. She was practically drooling over him. She was fixing her hair and fixing her clothes, trying to make sure she looked her best. Adam was too busy looking our jewelry selection to notice us talking about him.

I turned away from Zoey and pushed the jealousy aside. There should be no reason why I'm jealous of Zoey. Adam's not my boyfriend, he's my friend. I have an amazing boyfriend who happens to love me. I was just being overprotective of Adam. Yeah, overprotective.

I continued folding the clothes that were on the counter. I was wondering why Adam was looking at jewelry. Who was he buying jewelry for? I mean, guys don't usually buy jewelry for girls unless they're in a relationship or related. Does he have a girlfriend? Is that who he's buying the jewelry for?

"Hey, Court," Zoey whispered to me.

"Yeah, Zoe?" I whispered.

"Would it be ok, if I asked him out? I know you guys are close friends or something, would it be weird for you if I asked him out?" she asked, softly. "I mean, if it's weird, I won't make a move."

I wanted to tell her that it was not ok. I wanted to tell her that Adam is off limits. I wanted to tell her that I didn't want her to be seeing Adam. I wanted to tell her what happened between Adam and I. But, I was a chicken. Besides, she deserves a good guy after the way Cody treated her.

"No, it's fine," I told her. I faked a smile. "Go ahead."

"Ok, I'm going to see if he needs help," she told me. "Wish me luck!"

"Good luck, Zoe," I told her. I felt really fake. But, I really had no reason to stop Zoey from asking Adam out.

I started putting clothes away, just letting Zoey and Adam have their space while talking at our jewelry section. I tried to ease my mind. Maybe he won't even say yes. Even if he does, what's one date? There's no harm in that.

I was so consumed with thought that I lost track of time. Zoey walked back to me looking really excited. She looked like she was going to explode with happiness.

"He said yes!" she exclaimed softly.

Oh, great!

Note: 19 is a Lucky Number!!

Feel free to ignore this post. This is me being really excited and explaining why 19 is a lucky number. :)

I'm just really this excited! I just didn't have time to post this last night/before it hit midnight and I'm procrastinating some homework.

But, I have exciting news! My boyfriend got hired for his first job last night! :D

He's going to be working at a movie theater!

Oh, how he's going to smell like popcorn when he gets home. Oh, how he'll know how hard working a minimum wage job is and how hard money is to come by. I used to love working and getting my checks, seeing how my hard work paid off. I really wish that Mervyns was still up and running. I loved that store.

I'm so glad that he'll get a chance to experience the whole working hard thing.

On the mega bright side, I get to stop paying for everything! YAY! Man, I really love him, but we eat out WAY too much. I'm starting to get a belly and he gained the freshman 15 already.

Now he just needs to get his license. :) He's 19, so this is his lucky year! :)

So, random post. :)

Unsure

"Come on, Court!" Taylor pleaded with me from his car. "It's been over a week. You said we'd talk."

I sighed. It was the third time that he had followed me to school this week. Doesn't he have anything better to do with his time than to stalk me? Ok, stalk isn't the right term- follow! Doesn't he have anything better to do with his time than to follow me? Obviously no, since he's been following me to school three days in a row.

"Taylor, please," I said, exasperated. "I really don't want to talk about this right now."

"No, Courtney!" he said, his voice demanding. He started to get angry. "I've been waiting for you to talk to me and this is getting ridiculous. I just want to talk to you, don't shut me out!"

I looked around. Cars were honking at him. He was blocking the right lane by being parked on the side of the road. People were shouting at him to "Move!" and "Get off the road!". Gosh, people in Beachside are not happy at 7:30 in the morning. They should get a cup of coffee or something. I rolled my eyes at the honking cars.

"Please, Courtney, just get in the car," he pleaded desperately with me. "Please."

I sighed and finally gave in. I was tired of all the angry people yelling at us. I just wanted to get this over with. So, I got in the car with Taylor. He smiled when I got in, looking like he had won a battle.

"I wore you down," he said, smirking.

"Just drive, Taylor," I told him.

He drove us to the parking lot of the school and we sat there awkwardly, both not wanting to be the first person to say anything. Finally, I broke the silence.

"Taylor, I'm going to be honest with you," I said. "I don't know if I can ever trust you. I'll never be sure that you're over Farrah. How do I know that you're not going to run back over to her? Even if you say that you won't, I can't believe you. I mean, you've already done it twice already."

He looked sad. He was silent, as if contemplating on how to reassure me.

"I don't know what to tell you, Court," he said, finally. "No matter what I say, you won't believe a word I'm saying. But, I'll try to get through to you. I can't really promise you anything. I can't promise you that our relationship will be perfect. I can't promise you that our relationship will make it. I can't promise you that you'll fall in love with me. I can't promise you that Farrah and I won't get back together because I do care about her. All I can say is that I need you to trust me. I really do love you, please just let me show it to you."

"I don't know, Taylor," I said, sadly. "I really don't know."

The nagging voice in my head came back. Just go with the flow, Court. The worst that can happen is that the two of you break up again. If you can get through it once, you can get through it again. If it works out, you'll have a great relationship.

I knew that the voice in my head was right. I knew that he had screwed up and I haven't really forgiven him, but I really wanted to work our problems out.

"Ok, Taylor, I'll give it a shot," I told him, a little unsure of my decision. "But, you're on probation."

Sneaky

When I woke up Monday morning, I was exhausted. I could barely open my eyes, let alone get out of bed. But, like a trooper, I pulled myself out of bed and got ready for school. I attempted to find all of my books and shoved that into my backpack. Hoping that I didn't leave any assignments in my room, I made my way to school.

After a minute or two of walking, I was getting this weird feeling like I'm being watched. I turned around and didn't see anyone. I tried to shrug it off and kept walking. As I kept walking, I had this undeniable sinking feeling in the bottom of my stomach that someone was following me. I turned around again and this time, Taylor was following me in his car.

When he noticed that I had seen him, he pulled over to the side of the road and rolled his window down.

"Hey, I'll give you a ride to school," he told me. "Get in the car."

"No, thank you," I told him. "I'm going to walk."

"Please, just get in the car, Court," he told me.

"No, Taylor!" I almost yelled. "I want to walk!"

He left me alone after that. I continued walking to school with Taylor's car trailing me the entire time. I must admit that it looked really odd. He ended up catching up to me after, what I assume is, parking his car.

"Did you get my messages?" he asked me, softly.

"Yes, all 17 of them," I told him. "This isn't the place or time to talk about this. I have to put things in my locker and I have a test today. I don't want you to stress me out before my test."

That was an outright lie. I didn't have a test today, but I really didn't want to talk to him right now. Not at school, not in front of everyone. I didn't want to burst out in tears and have half the school talking about me.

"Ok, Court," he said, sadly. "I'll talk to you later."

I dumped all of my books into my locker and I went to my 1st period. I sat down at an empty desk and took out my materials. Logan came in and sat down next to me, which I found weird. We hadn't spoken since he informed me that Haylie was pregnant.

"Hey, what's up?" I asked him.

"Nothing much, how about you?" he asked me.

"Am I a horrible person?" I asked him, bluntly. I tried to be as quiet as I could. "Do I have some sort of characteristic where it makes it ok to cheat on me or cheat with me? Why am I surrounded by a bunch of people who cheat?"

Logan looked surprised that I was unloading all of this on him. It took a minute for him to wipe that look off of his face and reply to me.

"You're not a horrible person," he told me, after taking a deep breath. "You're a really beautiful, smart, sweet girl. I'm not sure if you have a characteristic that makes you prone to being cheated on and cheated with because you really don't deserve to be cheated on or be the "other woman". I didn't mean to cheat on you, really. I'm just a coward and I didn't have the courage to break up with you."

I was silent, I wasn't sure what to say to that.

"I'm really sorry that I wasn't upfront with you during our relationship," he said. He sounded really apologetic.

"I appreciate the apology, but it's in the past," I told him. "So, how are things with you and Haylie?"

"Oh, we broke up over the break," he told me. "She lied to me about being pregnant. I think she just wanted me to marry her."

"Why would she want to marry you?" I asked him. I quickly realized how bad that sounded, coming out of my mouth. "I mean, is there something for her to gain?"

"Well, my grandmother passed away," he told me. "She left me some money. I won't have access to it until I'm 18, but it's a large sum of money. Haylie had gone with me when my grandmother's will was read and she told me she was pregnant a couple of days afterwards."

"How did you find out she wasn't pregnant?" I asked him, curiously.

"She refused to see a doctor and I dragged her to one, kicking and screaming," he told me. "He told me that there was no sign of a baby. I didn't remember seeing her exhibit morning sickness once during the whole "pregnancy", which I thought was strange. She wasn't exhibiting any other signs of pregnancy either. I can only assume that she was after my money when I gain access to it when I'm 18. I confronted her and well.. She didn't handle the break up very well."

I didn't know what to say to Logan. All I could think about was how sick and twisted this whole thing was.

Fast-Talking Friday

Hey guys! :)

How has your day been? Or if you're feeling extra extra talkative today, how's your week going?

I've had a busy week. I had an Honors program garage sale on Tuesday and Wednesday and I think the program got out of debt. The program is sort of unknown and needs to gain more attention, which is REALLY difficult at a community college, since it's a commuter school. So, I spent Tuesday and Wednesday running around, scrambling on preparing things for our garage sale (we were really scattered because there are basically 8 active members out of the supposed 40 that are in Honors). I had a table there and I made $1 profit (apparently, college students don't eat candy, chips, or drink soda!). The joys of doing business. :)

And yesterday, I had a optometrist appointment and got new glasses. There was this promotion where I only had to pay $10 dollars instead of the $100 for these lenses that prevent glare while driving and while you're on the laptop/computer. I also learned that without my glasses, I'm as blind as a bat. After my appointment, I had to rush to my boyfriend's house because he had a job interview at a movie theater. He's not sure if he got the job or not. Sooo! Fingers crossed on that one!

Lastly, class schedules came out a couple of days ago and I've settled on 4 classes, 3 on either tuesday/thursday or just tuesdays and 1 online. It will free up a lot of time to write, since the posting schedule is on opposite days. If all of my classes are open, I'll be incredibly happy. Hopefully, I can catch up with some sleep next semester.

Oh, another thing. I don't remember if I mentioned it already, but my boyfriend and I believe that our cat is pregnant. She's sleeping many many many hours of the day and she's definitely not as active as she used to be. We'll see around June 14th if there are any kittens.

Does anyone want to talk about any blogs (it doesn't have to be about mine, it can be any blog)? Or anything that's new with you?

I'm starting to hope that Karen and Marco hook up on Karen Chronicles, that Matt and Ella hook up on Apathy, and for K. and Ben to get married on Bedroom Blog. :)

Happy Friday, everyone! :)

A Public Affair

The car ride home was torture. It was filled with silence, with some attempts on Taylor's part to make conversation. I was uncooperative and closed my eyes, pretending to sleep. I knew if I talked to him, I would start crying. The silence made the ride feel even longer. In reality, what was really hours felt like an eternity. I just wanted to get out of the car and as far away from Taylor as I possibly could.

Taylor shook me, trying to "wake" me up. I let him shake me a couple of times before mumbling.

"Court, do you want to stop and get some food?" he asked me.

My stomach was growling in response that it hasn't been fed in while. I tried to ignore the hunger pains.

"No, thank you," I mumbled.

When he arrived at my house, I practically jumped out of his vehicle- not caring that he hadn't made a complete stop. I got my suitcase from the back seat and went inside. Taylor made an attempt to follow me inside, but I stopped him before he could enter.

"Goodbye, Taylor," I said, before slamming the door in his face.

I walked into the kitchen and stopped in my tracks. I couldn't believe what I was seeing. My 21 year old neighbor, Joe, was all over my mother. My mother! My 40 year old mother! I let out a little gasp and my mom pushed Joe away. Joe, realizing that I had caught them, looked like he wanted to disappear.

"Courtney, I thought you were coming home tomorrow!" my mom exclaimed, obviously embarrassed of being caught red-handed.

"No, I came home early," I told her. I was suppressing the urge to throw up. "I'm going to leave. You two.. go back to what you were doing."

My mom tried to protest, but I was adamant on leaving. She was still protesting when I closed the front door behind me. I can put two and two together and I really hoped that my math was wrong.

The rest of the break was uneventful. My mom spent the rest of the week trying to justify leaving my dad for a younger man. I tried to not hate her for seeing a guy who was 3 years my senior. Brittany came home and I had to fill her in on Mom's new boyfriend. She, too, had the same reaction as me, except I was doing a better job on not resenting my mother for breaking up our family.

Taylor had called the house numerous times to try to get a hold of me. I didn't answer any of his calls and just let them go to voicemail. By Sunday, the blinking light was on my final nerve and I decided to check the messages.

"You have 17 unheard messages," the voicemail machine told me.

Beep! Hey, Courtney, it's Taylor. I wanted to tell you I'm sorry, please call me. Beep! It's Taylor again, Court, please call me. Beep! I don't understand why you're mad, please call me back. Beep! Courtney, this isn't funny anymore, call me back. Beep! I love you, please call me back. Beep!

The rest of the messages are saying to call him back because he missed me. 17 messages is a little bit excessive and it was starting to scare me. There was one second where I actually considered calling him back just to stop the voicemail messages, but thankfully, I snapped out of it.

I deleted the messages and went on with my day, hoping that going to school tomorrow will distract me from everything that was going on.

Where Is Your Heart?

I sat there in silence, trying to think of what to say in response. I was never good in awkward situations and this was no different. Farrah's words echoed in my mind. He started seeing me after your break up. We broke up in January of this year. It was because of you and your little San Diego trip. Your little romantic getaway ruined my relationship! You're going to pay, Courtney!

I pushed Farrah's voice away and concentrated on the situation at hand. Taylor was looking at me with puppy dog eyes and an adorable smile, just waiting for an answer. I took a deep breath and tried to break it to him gently.

"Taylor, I'm glad that you've fallen in love with me, but I don't think I'm at that point yet," I told him. "I really care about you. I do. I just can't say those words to you if I don't absolutely mean it."

"I understand, Court," he said, giving me a peck on the cheek. "I won't push, I'll wait until you're ready. Thank you for being honest with me." I smiled weakly.

"Thanks, honey," I told him. I was relieved at his reaction. I really couldn't have asked for a better boyfriend. I smiled to myself.

We sat there, enjoying the view and the little picnic Taylor planned. I had taken a bite of my turkey sandwich when Farrah's voice popped back into my head. You're going to pay, Courtney! I almost choked. I coughed profusely and Taylor was patting my back, desperately pouring a cup of water for me to drink.

"Are you ok?" he asked me, worriedly. I gave a little cough and nodded. I knew that this issue would keep bugging me if I didn't ask Taylor about it.

"Taylor, Farrah said something yesterday and it's been bugging me," I said.

"What did she say, Court?" he asked me.

"She said that you two started going out when we broke up and had been going out until this January," I said, hesitantly. "Is that true?"

He sighed and ran his fingers through his hair. I braced myself for his answer, even though I knew what the answer was.

"Yes," he admitted. "We were going out. But, the relationship was dead. The distance was really getting to us and I felt that we were drifting further and further apart. We weren't talking as much and I was getting lonely. I started missing you so much that it hurt. I started regretting the fact that we broke up in the first place."

"You told her that it was because of our trip to San Diego that that's the reason why you were breaking up," I said, softly. "But, you tried to get back together with me in October. You lied to her."

"I didn't want to hurt her even more than I had to, Court," he said, trying to justify his actions. "I was trying to protect her. I didn't want her to know I was losing my feelings for her." When he said that, it was like a knife had pierced through my heart. Logan had said, relatively the same thing about me as if it justified his actions. I could barely hear what he was saying. I couldn't go through this again.

What's going to happen if he loses his feelings for me? Is he going to run back to Farrah? How do I know that he didn't cheat on me with another girl, other than the one that Adam had planted? How can I trust him, knowing that he has cheated on Farrah twice and had led me on to thinking that he was single at the time of our trip? The nagging voice in my head just wouldn't stop.

"Court, you ok?" he asked, shaking me.

"No, Taylor," I told him, sadly. Tears formed in my eyes. "I'm not ok. Just take me home, Taylor, I can't do this right now."

I Like It, I Love It

I did a double take, maybe a triple take. At first, I wasn't sure that it was her. After all, she was supposed to be in the Los Angeles area. We were definitely not in the Los Angeles area. After a few minutes of staring, I realized that it was her. I looked away quickly, hoping that she didn't see me. Out of the corner of my eye, I saw her get up and making her way over to Taylor and I, her face curious. I panicked, not sure why she was here. I turned to Taylor.

"Can we go back to the house?" I asked him quickly, so quickly that I was tripping over my own words. I tried to calm myself down before I started to hyperventilate.

"Why, what's wrong?" he asked me. Before I could answer, Farrah had already reached us.

"Taylor! It is you!" she exclaimed excitedly. "I couldn't tell from all the way over there. I thought I've been out in the sun too long. Courtney! You're here too! "

Taylor looked a little bit shocked. In fact, he was shocked speechless with his mouth hanging open. I looked at him oddly. I know that seeing an ex-boyfriend or an ex-girlfriend is awkward, but this is ridiculous awkward. I decided to break the ice and attempted to make small chat.

"Oh, hey, Farrah!" I said, putting on a smile. I got up and awkwardly hugged her. "It's so great to see you! What are you doing here? I thought you were supposed to be in Los Angeles, going to school."

"Oh, it's spring break!" she said, giggling. "So, I'm here to check out the cute-shirtless guys." I laughed.

"It's really good to see you, Farrah, and I wish that we could stay here and chat with you," Taylor said. "We have a full day planned, so we should go." He awkwardly hugged her. He started gathering our things and walking to the house. I started to follow him, but Farrah blocked my path.

"Ok, let's cut the crap," she said bluntly, her voice was as cold as ice. "I know that he cheated on me to be with you. I know that he cheated on you and that was the reason why the two of you broke up. I just wanted you to know that he started seeing me after your break up."

"I don't know what this has to do with anything," I said, confused. "I mean, that was a long time ago. He didn't cheat on me when we were together, it's a long story, but he didn't. I don't understand why you're telling me this."

"Well, we just broke up in January of this year," she told me, bitterly. She took off her sunglasses and glared at me. "He told me that it was because of you and your little San Diego trip. How your little kiss brought back old feelings between the two of you. Your little romantic getaway ruined my relationship!"

"I'm sorry, Farrah," I said, sincerely. I really did feel bad. I didn't know that Taylor was in a relationship, yet alone in a relationship with Farrah. "I honestly didn't know he was seeing anyone."

"You're going to pay, Courtney!" she spat out. She laughed, her laugh resembling a cackle. "Both you and Taylor are going to regret screwing me over. You'll see!"

"Ok, Farrah, whatever you say," I said, dismissing her words. I walked towards the house.

"Just so you know, I lost my virginity to him in that house!" she called after me, laughing. I shook my head and just kept walking. Crazy Farrah is a nutcase.

I kept my conversation with Farrah to myself. I enjoyed the picnic on the balcony and the movie marathon that Taylor had planned that night as much as I could. I couldn't help but wonder if he had done the same thing with Farrah also. She had gotten into my head and I was questioning everything in our relationship. I tried to push those thoughts away from my head, but failed.

The next morning, we were up really early in the morning. He took me to the mountains that were surrounding the area and we hiked until we reached the scenic top of the mountain. I sat on a rock, taking in the scenery. The pictures I took were amazing.

"Courtney, there's something I want to tell you," Taylor said, softly.

"Sure, Taylor, what is it?" I asked him. He took my hand in his and looked into my eyes. I couldn't help but have that uh-oh moment.

"I love you," he told me.

Those were the three words I didn't want to hear.

Fast-Talking Friday

Hey guys!

How's your day been going? Or your week, if you're feeling extra talkative. :)

I've been having a rough week, my cat had been missing for 7 days.

I had an entirely different post written for today, but less than 3 hours ago, I found my cat! She got out (she's an indoor cat, supposed to be anyway) and has been gone for 7 days. My boyfriend's best friend (who is my FAVORITE person in the world now!) had called my boyfriend 3 times while we were sleeping. His calls were ignored and he was knocking on the window (because he lives right across the street from my boyfriend) and my boyfriend's mom is like.. Jose's seen the cat! I immediately freaked out and grabbed a flashlight, cell phone, her treat bottle and ran outside with Jose (my boyfriend stayed in his room sleeping, because he has been REALLY pessimistic throughout the WHOLE process). We heard her bell jingling where Jose had seen her. She was right by this Asian house. I saw that they were watching a Korean show, but it has the option to change it into Chinese (either Cantonese or Mandarin) so I was trying to figure out which dialect the guy spoke. So, I'm Chinese-American, btw, if I haven't mentioned that before. :)

I mean, he opened the door, I knocked and called out "excuse me" and he was peeking through the window, like.. who are these crazy kids??? I asked him to check in his backyard for her and he said he didn't see anything. I heard the bell again and then I started shaking the treat bottle and I saw this REALLY small cat come out with a collar and a bell. I shined the flashlight in her direction and verified that it was her. I was so relieved and I threw half the bottle of treats onto the sidewalk, trying to get her to eat it. SHE WAS SUPER THIN. It took me 3 tries to catch her, I was literally on the ground pleading with her and I just grabbed her and didn't let go. Thank goodness that Jose was standing a little bit further away and didn't scare her. He grabbed the flashlight and the treat bottle and we brought her home. Everyone was so glad to see her. She was so missed.

I don't think that she had food in the last week. She looked anorexic. I felt so bad. We immediately gave her a bunch of food and water and she started gobbling away.

I'm sorry that this is so long, but just one more thing.

Just a note on the blog:

This is a completely open and honest blog and I don't want anyone to censor themselves (and I will not censor you unless you're posting links to things without explaining what they are/what it is for). I understand that by putting my life out there, that I will get both positive and negative responses and I'm extremely open-minded about hearing people's thoughts and opinions.

If you think it's getting boring or my ideas are unoriginal or if the drama is childish or if you're tired of hearing about certain people, feel free to tell me. I'll definitely take what you say into consideration. :)

Again, sorry that this is so long and mostly about my cat, but she's my little girl and she's back home. SO, HAPPY HAPPY Happy Friday! :]

Party for Two

I woke up to Taylor shaking me awake. I didn't realize that I had fallen asleep. It was cool when we left my house, but it ended up being a warm day. The heat must have gotten to me. I yawned and stretched, realizing that I still had my seat belt on. I must have looked slightly confused because Taylor laughed and took my seat belt off.

"Where are we?" I asked him, rubbing my eyes.

"My parent's timeshare house," he said, smiling.

I looked outside and saw this beautiful yellow house with gorgeous palm trees leading up to the house. It was simply breathtaking with the warm spring flowers that sprouted outside. I looked up and I was excited to see that the house had a balcony on the second floor. I was amazed that the house was so close to the beach. I looked back at Taylor.

"This is amazing!" I exclaimed.

"I thought you would like it," he said with a huge smile on his face.

Taylor, like the gentleman he is, came over to the passenger side and opened the door for me. As soon as I got out of the car, he threw me over his shoulder and carried me into the house. I laughed and playfully hit his back, demanding to be let down. He gently set me down on the sofa. I was surprised that he had that kind of strength, I didn't know that Taylor could pick me up like that.

"I'll be back, I'm going to bring our bags in," he told me. He gave me a peck on the cheek and left me alone in the house.

The inside of the house was beautiful, even though the living room was a little simplistic with nothing on the walls except for the one painting hanging in the living room on top of the fireplace. Aside from the painting and the leather sofa, love seat, plasma flat-screen television, and coffee table, there were no other furnishings. I admired how something so simple could be so beautiful.

Taylor came in a couple of minutes later, carrying our things and set them down in the bedroom. He pretended that my suitcase was so extremely heavy that he couldn't carry it up the stairs. I giggled at him and took it up.

"You're really sweet, honey," I told him, giving him a hug. "Thank you for bringing me here." He smiled.

"Do you want to go to the beach?" he asked me.

"That would be great!" I exclaimed excitedly.

I opened my suitcase to search for my bikini. I quickly changed, also putting on a T-shirt and shorts, making sure that I had put on some sunblock. I grabbed my sunglasses and went downstairs. Taylor was waiting for me, with beach things in hand.

We left for the beach. After laying the towels on the sand, we laid there staring at the clear blue sky and holding hands. It was a perfect day to be on the beach. Taylor unexpectedly picked me up and threw me in the water. I laughed and splashed him. I managed to get him into the water. The kiss we shared when we were in the water? There were no words to describe it. If I had to summarize it in one word, the word would be "perfect". In fact, everything just felt perfect.

And everything was perfect, until I saw her.

The Departure

I started packing for my little getaway with Taylor. I wasn't sure where we were going, but we were going to be gone for a couple of days, he said. I wished he would tell me where we were headed to so I could pack according, he insisted that it has to be a surprise. I sighed, frustrated. I whipped out my phone and texted him: What should I bring?

I immediately got a response and I was disappointed when it read: Clothes, Court. Guys really need to go to a bookstore and pick up a book on how to understand girls. I rolled my eyes. What kind of clothes? Is it going to be warm or cold? Do I need to bring a dress or anything formal? I asked him. It took me a couple of minutes to get his text. It's going to be warm. Bring a nice dress or two. I'm not going to say anything more than that. I sighed at his response.

I picked out a couple of shirts and shorts to wear. I made sure to pack a pair of pants and sneakers in case there was an occasion to wear them. I made a list of all the things I had to bring (and a couple things extras, just in case) and just threw them into the suitcase. Before I knew it, I could barely close my suitcase. I had to ask Brittany to come help me sit on it.

"Are you excited to be going away for a couple of days?" she asked.

She was spending the break in San Diego with her friends. For a second, I felt a pang of jealousy. She gets to go to the beach and party it up while I'm going who-knows-where. I know that I wasn't a partying kind of girl, but I decided to ease my way into it for college. I convinced myself that I had the better deal, I get to spend my break with my boyfriend.

"I'm excited on the inside," I told her. She looked at me funny, as if she knew what I was feeling.

"You know, you don't have to go if you don't want to," she told me. "You can come with me and the girls to San Diego! It'll be fun. There's going to be lots of boys on the beach. You know what that means! Eye candy!" I appriciated the offer and smiled. If I hadn't made plans with Taylor, I would have gladly gone with her.

"I would love to go, Britt, but Taylor's been planning this," I said, somewhat sadly.

"On the bright side, you can use this time to work out whatever is going on between the two of you," she said, cheerfully. She smiled at me. My phone vibrated. I was getting a call from Taylor.

"There's nothing to work out between the two of us," I told her. "Nothing's wrong. I have to get this. I'm sorry, Britt." She shrugged and left, closing the door behind her.

"Hey, Taylor," I said, answering my phone. "What's up?"

"I'm outside and I was wondering if you're ready to leave," he said.

"Yeah," I said. "I'll let you in." I tossed the phone onto the bed and went downstairs to let Taylor in. He took one look at my stuffed suitcase and laughed.

"You know we're going away for 3 days, right?" he asked me, laughing. "Not 3 weeks."

"Haha, very funny," I said, rolling my eyes. "You wish we were going away for 3 weeks." He pulled me into his arms and kissed me.

"I do," he said, grinning. "I'll bring this downstairs for you."

"Ok, honey," I said. "I'm going to tell Brittany I'm leaving."

I grabbed my purse and went over to Brittany's room to hug her goodbye.

"Have fun in San Diego," I told her. "Don't do anything I wouldn't do."

"Same goes for you, sis," she said, winking at me. "Have fun with your boyfriend."

I joined Taylor in the car and kissed him.

"All ready to go!" I said, mustering some excitement.

"Spring Break, here we come!" Taylor said, pulling out of my driveway.

Yes or No

Henry and I met up for lunch at our local burger joint for some catching up before I had to work. We've been a little out of touch lately and I felt really bad about it. I had been so consumed with work, school, and Taylor that I've been neglecting what little friends I had left. I've been trying to avoid going home and being home so I had more time on my hands.

Henry, dressed casually in a T-shirt and jeans, ordered a cheeseburger with friends and I settle on a burger with fries. He gave our menus to the waiter.

"So, what's new with you?" I asked him, when the waiter left. I took a sip of my strawberry lemonade. "Have you gotten your acceptance letters yet?"

"Yeah, I got accepted into San Diego State, San Jose State, and a couple of UCs," he said. My heart dropped when I didn't hear him say Beachside. I guess our group is actually separating after we graduate from high school. "Of course, there's Beachside, but if you live here you automatically get in." I smiled. There was hope after all. I just wanted our group to stay together, including Adam and Haylie, even if we weren't on speaking terms. I don't know how to explain it, I think it's just that I'm scared of change. I mentally sighed and turned my attention back to Henry.

"I'm going to Beachside!" I exclaimed, trying to sound excited. "Wouldn't it be great if we went there together?"

"I guess," Henry said, shrugging. "I mean, I know for sure that Haylie is going there. I'm not sure if I can go to the same school as her, you know?"

I understood where he was coming from. He needed distance away from Haylie. He's been so in love with her over the years and has been rejected by her so many times that I think he's reached the point where he's given up. I don't think that he's actually gone up to her and asked her out, but I'll bet seeing her with all these other guys (and he doesn't even know about Cody or any other guy Haylie has been fooling around with) just tells him that he doesn't have a chance with her. I think this is a good thing, he deserves someone better than Haylie, someone who will love him as much as he loves her.

"I know," I told him. "It's for the best, Henry."

A waitress brought us our food. She handed me my platter and set Henry's platter on the table. She turned to leave, but stopped.

"You two make a really cute couple," she exclaimed. I looked at her confused.

"No, no, no, we're not dating," I told her at the same time Henry was saying: "We're just friends."

The waitress blushed at her mistake and apologized. She went back to work and we burst out laughing.

"That was great!" I said, laughing. I tried to calm myself down by drinking more lemonade, but that only caused me to choke. Henry came over and started patting me on the back until I was ok to speak. Once I was ok, he went back to his seat and started on his burger.

"Speaking of couples," he said, smiling. "How are things with Loverboy?" I sighed. Taylor was a subject that I wanted to avoid today.

"Ok, I guess," I said, shrugging. "He made me choose between him and Adam the other day. I chose Taylor."

"Huh, I'm not surprised that he made you choose," he said. "You and Adam would make the perfect couple. He's probably threatened by that."

"Shut up, Henry," I said, rolling my eyes. I threw a fry at him. "You know that Adam and I are just friends."

"Mmhmm," he said, skeptically. "Because I sleep with all of my friends."

"Oh, jeez, he told you?" I groaned. "I was drunk. I wasn't thinking clearly. I don't have any feelings for him."

"You can blame the alcohol if you want," he said. "On some level, you wanted it to happen though, no matter how much you want to deny it. I don't blame the fact that Loverboy made you choose. You're probably leading Adam on without meaning to. He's still in love with you, whether you want to admit it or not, and going to him when you're vulnerable isn't helping the situation. I'm surprised that you chose Loverboy though, I would have thought that you'd choose Adam."

"Just eat your burger," I told him, rolling my eyes.

In the back of my mind I couldn't help but wonder if Henry was right on all counts. Did I make the wrong choice?

Happy Easter Weekend/Happy Normal Weekend!

I forgot to wish you guys a Happy Easter Weekend to those who celebrate Easter! :)

To those who don't, Happy Normal Weekend to you too! :]

I know this sounds weird, but I'm trying to cover both sides of the spectrum. So, please bare with me. haha.

Fast-Talking Friday

Hey everyone! First post of April! :)

How has your day been? Or your week, since I'm posting this early in the morning.

I'm really excited about today! It's a date day between my boyfriend and I. We've been in a rut lately and it's going to be fun to actually go out and enjoy a date. I wish I could bring our little kitty (she's not a kitty anymore, but she's still a kitty in my eyes) with us. It's times like these I wish we had a dog.

Just in case anyone missed my post on Tuesday, I finalized my flight and my travel plans. I will be in the CT area starting on May 29th until June 14th. I know that it's extremely early to be giving you guys a heads up, but sooner rather than later is my policy. I'm really not sure how the posting schedule will be affected. It really depends on the upcoming and on-going assignments I have until that time, but I will try my hardest to get posts written ahead of time.

Onto more interesting news!

Has anyone watched The Last Song? I saw it the day it came out and I thought that it was a fairly decent movie despite the bad reviews. Sure, there were some parts where you could criticize the acting, but once you move past that, it's a lovely story. If you haven't seen it, I really recommend that if you go, to bring tissues. I forgot and ended up crying a bit.

Has anyone seen any other good movies lately?

Anywho, Happy Friday, guys! :)